How to prioritise self care?

arpie

All the best for starting back at work @kitkatb!   How exciting for you - I hope they start you on light duties initially xxx

Patti J

@kitkatb. Even when I was having IV chemo., I  couldn't wait to finish so that I  could go to work for a few hours. I was so bored. I will be working till I drop. I really enjoy this job.
Working gives your life structure as well as an income and social contact. 

Afraser

Agree with all that @Patti J so I am battling a bit about whether to leave my job this year. Be happy to take on a new (part time) one but worried slightly about achieving that at 73. I was offered one late last year, timing was all wrong unfortunately, so there is hope! Have enjoyed the last 5 years immensely, but the major project is now finished and the day to day isn't very satisfying. Life's too short to spend days and weeks without feeling that work has purpose. Decision by beginning of May, so I can head overseas with a clear plan to come back to. Looking forward is a great feeling. 

kmakm

How lovely to have those options @Afraser. Good on you.

kmakm

Oof, I'm hobbling around considerably more today. Yoga stretched and used muscles that haven't been used in a while, especially my triceps. All that downward dog! It's a much better soreness than the AI pain though. I'll take it!

Zoffiel

I've just had a good friend call in to tell me his partner--also a good friend--is back on the cancer train. She was first diagnosed in her thirties now she is the same age as me and it is in both breasts and her liver. Shes having a double mastectomy and clearances in a week or so and is refusing to talk to anyone about it. I don't blame her one bit, but he's stressing and wants me to go out and see her next week. I love them both to bits, but he's a pushy old prick and if he's setting her up like this with multiple people I will kick his arse.

This is a classic example of people deciding what is '''best" for someone else based on what they think they would want for themselves. Of course I'll go and see her but I will ring first not 'just call in' I don't think he understands how hard it can be. 'You know what it's like' may be true, but she's a very private and independent woman who is going to resent being thrown to the pity pack when she has expressly told him she wants to be left alone. Once she knows what she's up against things will no doubt change; we've supported each other through a variety of disasters but it's always been a matter of one or the other figuring out what they need, then the other helping.
I fucking hate this disease.

Afraser

So the two of you will work it out. Without his kind assistance - which I am sure is well meant but is also (inevitably) about his need to 'do something' as well. It's the helplessness that gets many - don't know what to do to stop it happening, happening again, do the right thing in treatment, say yes or no. Can be bad (but not as bad) for the partners, family, friends. Not to mention the ill informed, self appointed advisers. Best wishes for your visit, to both of you. 

Zoffiel

I know he means well. We go back nearly thirty years and the three of us have seen some serious turbulence in that time.  We often wonder how two control freaks and a horse whisperer have managed to stay friends for so long. She laughingly calls he and I 'Team Shrek' which is a perfect foil for her quietly spoken determination. Now the Energiser Bunny has joined the mix we are an odd crew indeed.
I guess me being cross with him (for doing what he always does) is a cover for the shock of it all. I always thought I'd be the one on the pointy end of the cancer stick and there is a sense of disbelief that the cards appear to have fallen differently. Bugger, bugger, bugger poos and wees.

Afraser

Indeed! All of that. 

kmakm

Shitsticks @Zoffiel, this bloody disease. I'm so sorry. I have an inkling of what you're feeling. When one of my best friends went to have a mammogram as a result of me having BC, she got a call back letter. I felt sick with horror for her, and actually cried in a shop when she rang to tell me she'd got the all clear. Big hug M, K xox

arpie

That’s a bugger @Zoffiel ... wishing your friend all the best xx

Blossom1961

So hard @Zoffiel I though an old school friend had cancer due to something she put on FB and I had to stop myself from ringing her straight away. Turns out she didn’t but hadn’t known how to approach me since I got diagnosed. I hit the horror button with just the possibility so I hope you have someone to support you with this. You certainly know you have us. Big hugs

Kiwi Angel

@Nikkilee I’m tired and unmotivated all the time too - I wonder if it’s menopause related. 

Good on u @kmakm for starting on the yoga. Just need to make it become a habit - u will find that it will get easier. 

My self care yesterday was going to a gin festival and a nice lunch with the hubby. 

kmakm

Mmmmm... gin....

Sister

Good luck @kitkatb with going back to work - it can be a bit scary but you'll fall in to it soon enough.  And @afraser - maybe you need to find a project you can be involved in (once you've done some holidaying, of course).  You don't sound the type to drift in retirement.

@zoffiel That's just shit.  Is there a way that you can check in with your friend and let her know that you're there for her without crowding her?  I guess that I'm thinking a note or email - something that communicates how much you care but gives her plenty of space to process it.  I can understand your friend in that she may not want to discuss her diagnosis with anyone, even her closest friends.  Talking can be just too hard.  But she may appreciate knowing that you are there for her and that you can give her room to get her head around things.