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Afraser
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Re: Post-treatment Tired and can't afford to be
Hi LP020406 I was 68 when I started seeing a counsellor for what turned out to be about six sessions over ten weeks. I wasn't exhausted - but as a previously almost never sick person, I wasn't sure what changes, if any, lymphoedema, an arrythmia and peripheral neuropathy (all manageable) were required in my life. At no time did the excellent woman I was seeing use the term 'insanity' - but she most certainly did not use normal either. I'm (belatedly!) not a fan of 'getting back to normal' - mainly because we only live forwards. Cancer has happened and even with a brilliant recovery, you are no longer exactly the same person. You are a bit older, maybe wiser, almost certainly tougher, and far less surprised by what can just 'happen'. My counsellor was a little more specific - she didn't think there was anything 'normal' about my 'normal' life. Long hours, public events which were lots of fun and also riddled with potential dramas, political environments, see-sawing priorities, lots of 'after hours' time commitments. Quiet weekends? Sometimes, but she nailed me on 'were they really relaxed or was I just recovering sufficiently to start again on Monday?' I enjoyed what I was doing, I enjoyed being the sort of person who could do it, I didn't take almost any time off during treatment, I handled surgery and chemo well. Her prescriptions were simple - at least 20 minutes in the fresh air, doing nothing, daily. Learn to delegate - if that means that the person you have delegated the task to is slower, or even slightly less efficient, see it all as their learning process! Prioritise time for yourself - that is not free time, it's committed time. Stop congratulating yourself for managing tumultuous times, think more about whether you really need them or not. At no time did she mention mortality - I am sure she knew I would get to that in time, which I did. My Jane Eyre principle - 'I will keep in good health and not die' - stood me in good stead for seven decades but it's not perfect! Thinking about time perhaps being finite a bit earlier than I did might have been useful, but better late than never. So start with coffee in the garden and breathing. Delegate. Keep moving forward. Visualise a 'normal' where you can build energy not just expend it (that one took me quite some time!). If you like reading, read. If you like listening to music, do that and nothing else for half an hour, regularly. You'll find a new normal and it may even be better than the old one. Best wishes.0ViewsSign in to react to this post0CommentsRe: Back to work
I had a mastectomy - my surgeon recommended two weeks off. But I went back after one week. Bit bored and had cleaned out the kitchen cupboards! But this really depends on two things - how quickly you heal and your emotional/mental response to the whole thing. I knew from a Caesarian section that I healed quickly and well. I was pretty sure that my relief in the first part being over was probably greater than my overall fear of cancer. Lots of fit and healthy people take time to heal. Lots of stable competent people get temporarily knocked off their feet by a cancer diagnosis. All the heavy lifting I had to do at work was mental. Do whatever feels right for you. If other treatment is likely, you may want to factor in some time off for that too. Best wishes.ViewsSign in to react to this postCommentRe: What would you do if you were me?
Commiserations - you have been through a rough time. Unfortunately, the decision must be yours - I am sure you recognise this, but of course it’s helpful to know if someone has faced the same dilemma and how they chose to do so. Tricky thing is that cancers are all rather different, so are treatments and reactions to treatments. I was 68 - twenty years older than you - when diagnosed. I had no reservations, I did what was recommended, mastectomy, chemo, herceptin and hormonal therapy (10 years). I was one of those who managed surgery and chemo pretty well - I still consider lymphoedema, an arrhythmia and peripheral neuropathy a relatively light set of side effects. Ageing (for which there is no cure!) has made the neuropathy a bit worse but still manageable. I was right - the 14 years since have been terrific ones in all sorts of ways. So to me the biggest question is what do you most want to do in the years ahead - because there may be quite a lot! If you have things you really want to do, and can manage that with some preventative treatment, just not all, then that may be the right path for you. Most of all, can you live with whatever decision you make, even if things don’t work out the way you want? In the absence of family or close friends ( who may not always be helpful in such decisions anyway) have you thought of consulting a counsellor about clarifying your own priorities and feeling confident about the path you most want to take? An independent trained ‘ear’ , who can help you to prioritise your own feelings rather than adding another set of opinions, can make a big difference. Very best wishes for the future - whatever lies ahead, the confidence to embrace it is very powerful.ViewsSign in to react to this postCommentsRe: Frustrated by Perfect Survirors
Kyra I am not a fan of the 'survivor' tag - people who've had heart attacks, broken hips, or other painful ailments with long term implications don't seem to need the tag. Ditto 'battler' or 'warrior'. Just as cancer is not one thing, recovery isn't either. The intention of the tag may be pure, a pat on the back, we've all done a great job. But sometimes you really don't feel great at all. I am one of those who did do well. But this site is the only place I (irregularly) talk about cancer. One of the things I do say is that trying to get back to your 'old self' isn't possible. Not for any doom or gloom reason, simply that while there may be somewhere in this vast universe where time runs in different directions, we live on a planet where it doesn't. We can't actually go back to anything - not our childhood, a happier time, not even a holiday. We go forward. I didn't go back to my old self - I found counselling very useful. It was only a short time, but it focussed me on what I wanted to do in the future, better, more satisfyingly rather than continuing everything I was before. I started a new job (68), with a compressed week so I had a three day weekend and the same income. Like you, I joined a gym (never too late). Started some philosophy courses. I live with peripheral neuropathy, lymphoedema, an arrythmia and one boob, but it's the only body I have and most of the time it does me proud. The person you are now sounds pretty gutsy to me, perhaps she just needs more time in the sun. Very best wishes.ViewsSign in to react to this postCommentsRe: Suffering with Letrozole side-effects weeks after coming off it…
Unfortunately experiences are highly individual and varied. What works for one doesn’t work for another. I was on letrozole for a full ten years. It ate into my bone density (which happily was very good before I started) but no aches, pains, flushes or anything of the kind. It’s neither fair nor unfair. You are doing everything you can. It’s worth sticking it out for another month or two, it may take that long for your body to adjust. Then you go back to your oncologist and ask for other options. Letrozole can be part of recovery (I am fourteen years NED) but it can also make your life miserable. Look for some light in your tunnel. Best wishes.ViewsSign in to react to this postCommentsRe: surgery loomimg
It rather depends on what your surgery is (lumpectomy, mastectomy) - I am assuming a lumpectomy with only one night in hospital. I had a mastectomy and found it all very straight forward. Drains were removed before I went home (with a lumpectomy drains are unlikely), I had no pain, my arm mobility recoved very quickly and I took only one week off work. However.... it all depends on how quickly your body heals (I have always been a quick healer), how you feel emotionally as well as physically and what preparation you may want for further treatment (if any). Leaving yourself time and space to encompass any outcome is always sensible if you can do it. Best wishes.ViewsSign in to react to this postCommentsRe: surgery question
I had two drains for about three days, but I had a mastectomy. The drains were removed before I left hospital and were a slight nuisance but nothing more. If you have a lumpectomy, chances are no drains. But it's always best to speak to a professional - a breast care nurse if you have one, your GP or the helpline, as suggested, rather than worry. One of the early learnings about cancer is to avoid worrying about something you may never have! Best wishes.ViewsSign in to react to this postCommentsRe: Working through Chemo
I had much the same chemo treatment - 4 x AC but three weeks apart and 12 x Paclitaxel weekly. I worked throughout. I took a day off for the AC but only as long as it took for the Paclitaxel - luckily I worked near day oncology. I was fine, no nausea, fatigue or brain fog. I was working in events - in offices, outdoors, with lots of people and didn’t catch as much as a cold. But - and it’s a big but - what one person experiences, even on what seems the same treatment, can be radically different from another. So it’s wise to have a plan B. You will probably be able to tell, within a couple of weeks or so, what your reaction to each treatment (the two may be very different) is likely to be, plan for some down time if you can. I did of course have other side effects - occasional nose bleeds and lost my taste buds on Paclitaxel, for example. Fatigue or nausea can be exhausting and make working very difficult. Unfortunately it seems you can’t know until you try. Best wishes.ViewsSign in to react to this postCommentRe: 🏆Announcing Our JULY Community Champion! @arpie🌟
Congratulations! arpie is a champion every month!ViewsSign in to react to this postCommentsRe: Inoperable
Dear Nightsky I was diagnosed a long time ago - 14 years - and had surgery (a mastectomy) first, then chemo, then herceptin and finally hormonal treatment. But in the intervening time, it has become quite common for treatment to shrink the cancer first, and surgery second. It sounds a bit backwards, but the intention is to reduce the degree of surgery ultimately required. Which may be what is happening in your case. Make a list of things you want to ask your oncologist - or take a trusted friend or relative with you to do so - when you know what is being planned and can discuss it with some knowledge, it actually does help. My oncologist provided me with written information about treatment and medication, which I found really useful to refer back to. There are no silly or irrelevant questions at this point - you have every right to ask why a particular course is being recommended, cancer is confusing enough, it's fair to expect your medical team to shed as much light as they reasonably can! Best wishes for your appointment.ViewsSign in to react to this postComments
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Let's talk: vaginas, menopause & me
PRIVATE GROUP. This group is a safe, supportive space to talk about sexual health and emotional wellbeing during and after breast cancer. We discuss topics like menopause, vaginal dryness, pain during sex, UTIs, and changes in libido, and share ideas and products that may help. Whether you're navigating intimacy with a partner or reconnecting with yourself, you're not alone here. This is a place for open, respectful conversations and shared understanding.Flat Chat - no breast reconstruction
PRIVATE GROUP. This group is a safe space for those considering, actively choosing or not have had a choice to stay flat after a mastectomy. Whether personal decision or one shaped by circumstance, you're invited to connect and share your experience and images with others on a similar path. Information shared is based on personal experience and not intended as medical advice; always consult your healthcare team for guidance. ⚠️CONTENT WARNING⚠️Posts may include images of surgical outcomes, which some may find distressing. If you need support, please contact the BCNA Helpline—we’re here for you.
