How to prioritise self care?
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I think that some of our expectations of how we feel we should behave are culturally based. Touching on your airplane and oxygen mask...adult first, then child..is a good one. As you say, your head "gets" it, but your heart doesn't. In the past, the San (bushmen), tribe of Southern Africa were hunter gatherers is a very sparsely watered environment...vegetation and wildlife included. When an animal was brought down by arrows or spears, the young men ate first, then the younger women, then the children, then the old. We in modern western society might react in horror. However their experience over thousands of years told them that if the hunting men were not up to strength, speed and stamina, the rest of the family group would die along with them. So they ate first. If the younger women died, so would the children and the old ones. You get the picture. The family members who provide for and nurture the rest have to be strong. You are stronger than you know, but at the moment, you are depleted. It is not selfish to take care of yourself, mind, body and soul. But you already know that in your head, your heart just has to catch up. Hugs...Ally.5
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Digging around in the brain is tiring work all by itself. Being prepared to do it at all deserves some serious credit. My short term counsellor did an excellent job in teaching me digging and trenching skills - helps if the digging doesn't fall in on you. Then I could go at my own pace. Delegating better, prioritising, saying no all helped my bad work habits. Then I could focus on why I had them. Fear of ageing of course. And why that? Took me another year to face the fear of dying adequately. Is it worth it? Absolutely from my point of view as long as the purpose - to live a better happier life - is squarely at the front.4
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For me I guess it is about finding the time to do the things my medical team are insisting that I do. I still have active treatment in play so I see it as an extension of that treatment. That said it is still hard to ignore the crap fest that is my life and do the thing I need to do
today I think I managed about 14 fights with the family in the time I was home which was only about 6 hours all day - special talent right there I think. One with the nearly 18 yo boy about the state of his room - that one lasted a fair while!0 -
What is that stench @sarnicad? Or perhaps it's best not to know.
I could never understand how someone who stood under the shower until the hot water ran out and never wore clothes more than once before they went back in the wash could generate such a powerful pong. I'm not sure cleaning their rooms makes any difference, it's like essence of teen permeates the paint..0 -
@kmakm
Kate, i get why you don't want to ask for help from your friends. You get to the point where all you want to do is to have the ability to do it yourself, and that's part of wanting and getting control back in your life. I know i felt that way. Having said this though i don't know what i would have done without the help that i had and still have. Getting back control in my life was the best feeling ever, even if things fall apart every now and again but that's life.
As for the teenage floordrobe, i cured my girls of that very quickly with the suggestion that if they left their clothes on the floor for too long spiders would move in! Neither of them were fond of spiders!0 -
@artferret We get the odd scorpion and centipede around here but even that doesn't deter my youngest!0
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@Artferret I've deployed that one occasionally. Works occasionally... But the person it works best on is me! I don't put clothes on the floor because I do not fancy being bitten by a white tail spider... Can't stand spiders of any sort. Eurgh!0
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Crikey, Sister, scorpions and centipedes! If those aren't deterents then i don't know what is. Though my dad used to get snakes under the bed when he was a kid, but he did live out the back of Yea on a farm, near the Goulburn River...1
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Years ago, I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling as if someone was rolling a rubber band around on my arm - you know that burning sensation as it rips the hairs out... Turned out a centipede had joined me in bed...from memory it was about 10-12cm long. Hurt for hours.0
