How to prioritise self care?
kmakm
Member Posts: 7,974 ✭
So self care is the mantra in survivorship right?
I need to do gym three times a week for the weight bearing exercises to stave off the bone damage of Letrozole. Haven't managed to work that into my schedule since early last December.
On the days when I'm not at the gym I have to walk because minimum of 30 mins a day exercise, preferably an hour.
I have to bust stress, of which I have an excess. So I'm starting a yoga class on Saturday morning. Can't use food and booze to stress bust anymore.
I have to sort out my head, get rid of the depression, manage the anxiety, so it's a psychologist appointment every two or three weeks. She wants me to journal. I struggle to find the time. She also wants me to spend 30 minutes a day doing something I enjoy, just for me.
I saw my dietician today about my failure to knuckle down and lose weight. My willpower is rubbish and as you know, it's like rolling a boulder up a hill trying to lose weight in menopause on an AI. Have to eat a low sat fat diet because of the Letrozole cholesterol issues. I have to cook most days of the week for a vegetarian, three meat-eating teenagers and a Type 2 diabetes octogenarian.
There's also the assorted ongoing medical appointments that seem to roll around with remarkable frequency.
This afternoon on my way home from the dietician in Town, I received a phone call from my son saying my daughter was vomiting, a lot. She was already home with extreme tiredness and what she described as stress from the overwhelming amount of schoolwork she has (Yr 10). Of course it could be just that, or glandular fever, but my mind goes straight to cancer. Lymphoma probably...
I also get an email from school about my nephew (Yr 8) He's got yet another detention after being given several warnings to rein in his classroom behaviour. The teacher is "beginning to wonder if he has impulse control issues".
My son, starting uni next week, has done nothing whatsoever about learning to drive or getting a job and has zero money. How does he think he is going to pay for his day to day uni life? He's been sitting in his room playing computer games and watching anime since November. From the beginning of January I've made him cook dinner once a week.
My niece continues to be the most difficult of them all. Almost continually rude, refuses simple requests, sulky, terrible sleep issues & much more.
So to properly deal with each one of those issues takes buckets of time and buckets of money. GP appointments, specialist child psychologists and who knows what else. About to take vomiting daughter to the doctor now.
My self care, if done properly, would take buckets of time and buckets of money.
There are no buckets here. If there's a choice I have to prioritise the kids. Any prioritising of myself is already accompanied by massive guilt.
I am really struggling to arrange my survivorship life. And that's even before I start trying to find and then hopefully get a job. How does everyone do this? How do I recover fully and lead a healthier, engaged life in survivorship, and take care of everyone else, have a satisfying relationship with my partner, a job, maintain contact with my friends, keep fit, lose weight, not be stressed and feel OKish about everything? Is it actually possible to do at all?
Yours from the House of Bad Behaviour and Vomit, K
I need to do gym three times a week for the weight bearing exercises to stave off the bone damage of Letrozole. Haven't managed to work that into my schedule since early last December.
On the days when I'm not at the gym I have to walk because minimum of 30 mins a day exercise, preferably an hour.
I have to bust stress, of which I have an excess. So I'm starting a yoga class on Saturday morning. Can't use food and booze to stress bust anymore.
I have to sort out my head, get rid of the depression, manage the anxiety, so it's a psychologist appointment every two or three weeks. She wants me to journal. I struggle to find the time. She also wants me to spend 30 minutes a day doing something I enjoy, just for me.
I saw my dietician today about my failure to knuckle down and lose weight. My willpower is rubbish and as you know, it's like rolling a boulder up a hill trying to lose weight in menopause on an AI. Have to eat a low sat fat diet because of the Letrozole cholesterol issues. I have to cook most days of the week for a vegetarian, three meat-eating teenagers and a Type 2 diabetes octogenarian.
There's also the assorted ongoing medical appointments that seem to roll around with remarkable frequency.
This afternoon on my way home from the dietician in Town, I received a phone call from my son saying my daughter was vomiting, a lot. She was already home with extreme tiredness and what she described as stress from the overwhelming amount of schoolwork she has (Yr 10). Of course it could be just that, or glandular fever, but my mind goes straight to cancer. Lymphoma probably...
I also get an email from school about my nephew (Yr 8) He's got yet another detention after being given several warnings to rein in his classroom behaviour. The teacher is "beginning to wonder if he has impulse control issues".
My son, starting uni next week, has done nothing whatsoever about learning to drive or getting a job and has zero money. How does he think he is going to pay for his day to day uni life? He's been sitting in his room playing computer games and watching anime since November. From the beginning of January I've made him cook dinner once a week.
My niece continues to be the most difficult of them all. Almost continually rude, refuses simple requests, sulky, terrible sleep issues & much more.
So to properly deal with each one of those issues takes buckets of time and buckets of money. GP appointments, specialist child psychologists and who knows what else. About to take vomiting daughter to the doctor now.
My self care, if done properly, would take buckets of time and buckets of money.
There are no buckets here. If there's a choice I have to prioritise the kids. Any prioritising of myself is already accompanied by massive guilt.
I am really struggling to arrange my survivorship life. And that's even before I start trying to find and then hopefully get a job. How does everyone do this? How do I recover fully and lead a healthier, engaged life in survivorship, and take care of everyone else, have a satisfying relationship with my partner, a job, maintain contact with my friends, keep fit, lose weight, not be stressed and feel OKish about everything? Is it actually possible to do at all?
Yours from the House of Bad Behaviour and Vomit, K
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Comments
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Hi K, Firstly, a great big snugglehug for you. Secondly, I have no idea. Thirdly, one issue at a time even if the bottom ones never get done. Lots of ❤️ Lovely. From Didi.
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That a lovely perfect reply @Blossom1961. @kmakm I have know idea either! if I lived closer I would come & help. Do take care xx1
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Bugger Bugger Bugger @kmakm Massive hugs to you. I wish I had some words of wisdom but I couldn't even imagine where to start. I have only grown up step kids so understand the attitude issues really well. Some things you can change other things you might as well hit your head on a brick wall. Please don't give up any of your "Me Time" though if only for your own sanity and happiness. I can certainly relate to trying to lose weight for healthier future outcomes but Letrozole doesn't make it an easy task. At this stage I can only manage 30 minutes on the bike a day and push ups for strength. Be kind to yourself. You cannot solve or feel guilty about every issue as it arises and should not be expected too. Just prioritise day by day and take those precious moments when you can.
xox 2 -
To add to the clusterf**k my son, who is cooking dinner tonight, had not shopped for it when I got home. I belted out the door with the still vomiting teenager. Ten minutes later my husband, by some miracle actually in Melbourne for work today, came through the door (left work early to help cover my absence) and took son to local shops to get ingedients. They were waiting to pull out into the main road when Car A hit Car B and shoved it into Car C which contained my husband and son. Car damaged but fortunately not the humans. They had to stay for ages with the police and the ambulance. Garghh! No one badly hurt but really, today?????!
I'd like to go to bed now and wake up next week...0 -
FARK! You've had a horror of a few days, @kmakm!
I hope daughter is OK. I hope your son pulls his finger out and that your niece & nephew pull their heads in as well.
I hope the car is OK - good that hubby was there to 'take control' of the situation ...
I hope you wake up to a better day tomorrow xx1 -
Estate management is so time consuming @melclarity, let alone that incredibly long drive you're doing. You have my sympathy. Will the house be sold soon?
Currently being on the forum is part of my self care as it helps me more than harms me. I can fit it in round the other parts of life, waiting rooms, queues, the kettle to boil etc. I need it to blow off steam to those who understand, and to seek wise counsel!
It's so wonderful that you love your job. It makes such a difference to life. K xox
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@Blossom1961 @Doodoo Thanks sweeties.1
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Geezus K,
That made me tired just reading it.
Prioritising yourself is an interesting concept which I think rarely works when there is a large family involved. Guilt reins suprememe if you even think of not thinking of everybody else. It's a very hard habit to break. It's all well and good to say do something for yourself but where the hell do you find the time? There are not enough hours in the day as it is it seems.
Your circumstances are ten fold on the every day big family as well. You've got two traumatised kids who are probably in between vying for your attention but scared to get too close for the obvious reasons and don't quite know what to do with the whole thing. What you have taken on is no mean feat for anybody in "normal circumstances.
Your son will probably get his shit together when he realises you're actually not going to do it all for him.
Looking at everything you "have to or are supposed to do" is way too big a pile and your probably adding some guilt in there because you aren't doing it, as we do.
Maybe cull some of the appointments, it must be running you ragged just getting to all of these. If you really want to do the yoga maybe do that and twice a week at the gym for the moment. Turn the 30 minutes of me time a day into 30 minutes every second day for the moment. Some is better than none. You know what I mean and it will make you feel a bit better.
You just have to stop lovely. Sometimes we have to let the chips fall for a little while nstead of trying to hold everything together constantly. Easier said than done I know.
Trying to have the Holy Grail all at once is setting the goal posts too high. You know the old mantra, one step at a time, one day at a time. Easy to say, incredibly hard to put into practice.
Big hugs gorgeous lady.6 -
Oh and K,
Take hold of that bitch guilt and get rid of that fucker.
P..S You are a better woman than me giving up the wine. I would be hiding in the closet drinking with the day you had.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox6 -
Family meeting. Hummm. I think I might just have toilet issues. Pop in and out. :. Good that hubby is there to oversee it. Big cuddle you've had your fair share of life! J 0
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@melclarity
Heart goes out to you! That's hard yards physically and emotionally. I went through it for my father in law. Home had to be sold for an aged care placement. Garage sale, house cleaning, one sister in law in hospital, passed away shortly afterwards and the other two sisters in law bluing and me as referee
Goodness didn't mean for my memory to spill out like that
Hope you're organised and nearing time to go to market and lots of happy memories flowing
Take care0 -
It's a horrible job, clearing houses. I did it for my mother when she went into care. As she rented her (aged care) unit, I had the Easter weekend to do it all, and check with her about what she could keep in care (almost nothing), was happy to give to specific people, and dispose of thoughtfully otherwise. Don't think I have ever worked so hard physically and emotionally in such a short time.1
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What would happen if you went on strike? Mentally hunkered down and went ''No". It could be an interesting exercise for all concerned. You can't serve them if you are dead.9
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YES I agree with Zoffiel,
If you dont prioritize your own self care then you wont be here to do everything for them.
I hope the family meeting went well tonight....
You have enormous pressures on you...
Going to inbox you.
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