One Year since the diagnosis feeling strong and well
Hi, today it is exactly one year since my bc diagnosis and I am a little reflective. What a ride it had been. I still remember clearly the phone call and shock, terror, nervousness, sadness etc with that news. What took place after that news was a roller-coaster ride of treatments with physical and mental and emotional impacts. In the last 12 months I have had 2 surgeries, 4 months of chemo and a month of radium and now pills. It was tough for sure but I made it through. I think I am very fortunate as I didn't have too many side effects or set backs. I was fatigued for sure and pretty emotional at times. I did my exercise which I think contributed enormously to my well being. I am grateful to my husband and son for their support. I had a couple of good friends and family too. I am grateful for the doctors and the skill and knowledge. I am also grateful for the support I received here on bcna. I would have been lost without this group at times, especially in those wee hours of the morning. Thank you! Today I feel strong. I am proud of myself for getting through this. I am grateful for my resilience and determination and courage. While I never wanted to join this group, I have made good friends and I have grown and healed in many ways. BC has given me a different life and view of the world and I am thankful for that. I have much to look forward to including various road trips, fun times with friends and family, my walks in national parks and the beach, my exercise and just everyday life. I am also going to be a first time grandmother later this year which is super exciting. I love babies. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for reading my story and being there for me.
Fighting cancer, husband wants out, children taken away
Hi everyone, I'm writing on behalf on my sister who is currently fighting cancer and is going through a very difficult time, a year and a half after her cancer diagnosis. This is her story. Jane and John have been married for a number of years and have several children. There are tensions in the marriage, because John has a hands off attitude when it comes to parenting, whereas Jane believes some boundaries, like attending school, helping with chores, and a limit to computer gaming, are essential. Jane does most of the heavy lifting in the marriage, giving up her career. Jane, in addition, starts working several part time jobs while John goes through regular periods of unemployment. The stress of this probably contributes to Jane's cancer diagnosis. After two surgeries and 6 months of chemo, Jane is taking hormone blocking medication and as luck would have it, is going through the most intense part of the menopause. Jane finds the stress (and the effects of the medication) too much and loses her temper a few times, while continuing to do the parenting on her own. John, perhaps not sure whether he wants this burden, is undermining Jane. "People have put their lives on hold for you!". John encourages the children to rebel, and to secretly record Jane in order to "gather evidence". Over Christmas drinks, John arranges with his male police relative to launch a "family violence" order against Jane. Jane is forced to flee the house and has to move in with her elderly parents since she sold her pre marriage unit to fund her children's education. John launches divorce, violence and financial proceedings against Jane, claiming her remaining savings since he, he now claims, is the "family". He also bans any communication between Jane and her children and threatens her elderly parents to never see their grandchildren. Jane faces court action, solicitors bills, police checks against her future employment and her cancer treatment, alone. She is not allowed to see or talk to her own children. Noone wants to hear Jane's story, the police don't speak to her, there is no institutional support. Jane and her elderly parents feel abandoned, intimidated and fearful of impending court actions. Being on the other end of the world, I feel absolutely heartbroken not being able to be there for her and give her all the support she needs. She has spent all her life caring and providing for her children and her husband and now it all being taken away from her, at the time when she needs their support. The total injustice of it all infuriates me, especially him being able to manipulate the law and using it to his advantage, as well as totally ignoring the effects that cancer and the medications can have. I understand that cancer takes its toll not only on the person affected but on the family as well, but surely there must be ways to protect those who are directly affected. If any of you have any advice for her or can help with the emotional/psychological/legal aspects of it, or simply know someone who went through similar experiences - every little bit of help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading this and please take care of yourself and your loved ones.
I've Had A Week
In the last seven days: - I had a Covid19 test - negative - I finally got the guts up to raise body image and sex with a doctor during a telehealth consult with a doctor at a menopause after cancer clinic. Not a single doctor has ever raised this subect with me. - I had a check up with my breast surgeon. Back again in six months instead of 12 because the right foob is lumpy. - My son came to me in a panic about finding a lump on his testicles, I took him to the doctor, and then back again for the ultrasound results. A cyst, thankfully not a tumour. When I was telling him to calm down he said "I know Mum but it's US". - My youngest got her first period. And all this during Stage 4 Lockdown. I am exhausted. I feel like I'm always on high alert. Stop the world, I want to get off... K xoxHow to prioritise self care?
So self care is the mantra in survivorship right? I need to do gym three times a week for the weight bearing exercises to stave off the bone damage of Letrozole. Haven't managed to work that into my schedule since early last December. On the days when I'm not at the gym I have to walk because minimum of 30 mins a day exercise, preferably an hour. I have to bust stress, of which I have an excess. So I'm starting a yoga class on Saturday morning. Can't use food and booze to stress bust anymore. I have to sort out my head, get rid of the depression, manage the anxiety, so it's a psychologist appointment every two or three weeks. She wants me to journal. I struggle to find the time. She also wants me to spend 30 minutes a day doing something I enjoy, just for me. I saw my dietician today about my failure to knuckle down and lose weight. My willpower is rubbish and as you know, it's like rolling a boulder up a hill trying to lose weight in menopause on an AI. Have to eat a low sat fat diet because of the Letrozole cholesterol issues. I have to cook most days of the week for a vegetarian, three meat-eating teenagers and a Type 2 diabetes octogenarian. There's also the assorted ongoing medical appointments that seem to roll around with remarkable frequency. This afternoon on my way home from the dietician in Town, I received a phone call from my son saying my daughter was vomiting, a lot. She was already home with extreme tiredness and what she described as stress from the overwhelming amount of schoolwork she has (Yr 10). Of course it could be just that, or glandular fever, but my mind goes straight to cancer. Lymphoma probably... I also get an email from school about my nephew (Yr 8) He's got yet another detention after being given several warnings to rein in his classroom behaviour. The teacher is "beginning to wonder if he has impulse control issues". My son, starting uni next week, has done nothing whatsoever about learning to drive or getting a job and has zero money. How does he think he is going to pay for his day to day uni life? He's been sitting in his room playing computer games and watching anime since November. From the beginning of January I've made him cook dinner once a week. My niece continues to be the most difficult of them all. Almost continually rude, refuses simple requests, sulky, terrible sleep issues & much more. So to properly deal with each one of those issues takes buckets of time and buckets of money. GP appointments, specialist child psychologists and who knows what else. About to take vomiting daughter to the doctor now. My self care, if done properly, would take buckets of time and buckets of money. There are no buckets here. If there's a choice I have to prioritise the kids. Any prioritising of myself is already accompanied by massive guilt. I am really struggling to arrange my survivorship life. And that's even before I start trying to find and then hopefully get a job. How does everyone do this? How do I recover fully and lead a healthier, engaged life in survivorship, and take care of everyone else, have a satisfying relationship with my partner, a job, maintain contact with my friends, keep fit, lose weight, not be stressed and feel OKish about everything? Is it actually possible to do at all? Yours from the House of Bad Behaviour and Vomit, K