Do I stay or do I go?
Not your average post. Originally a backpacker from the UK, been in Aus 5 years and have moved onto a work sponsorship visa with my employer. I live in a very remote area and it is a 4 hour flight to my nearest 'treatment centre'. Two weeks ago it was confirmed (via biopsy) that in my left breast I have a 2mm invasive mass, and 10cm of non invasive DCIS. I had a contrast mamo and PET scan (no result yet) and scheduled for an MRI on the 6th June, and appointment with the surgeon to discuss options on the 10th June. My breast dr said the surgeon will recommend a mastectomy due to the large area of DCIS. Possibly chemo, radio and hormone therapy. They are also talking about what I want to do with my eggs. I am so scared, and I am not sleeping. I am only 34 years old without children. I don't know what to do, do I stay here in Australia and undergo the treatment recommended and stay near the hospital with the mother of a friend (who has also had breast cancer and has said she is more than happy to support me through required treatment). I love my life here that I have built over the past 5 years, and I love my job. I am scared I will lose my job with the next few months of treatment coming up (very little can be done remotely), my visa is tied to my job. I may get deported mid way through treatment? I dont know? I know I should speak to an immigration lawyer but I am already inundated with administration from cancer. My family back home are very supportive and will support whichever decision I make. They and I am also wary of the health care system back at home (which isn't in great shape). If I go home, I will take all my diagnosis letters and scans, but I will still have to start this process again from the start and basically be told twice I have cancer and they want to chop my breast off. I wont be able to get a job due to appointments and treatment, and wont be entitled to benefits as I haven't paid tax in my home country for 5 years. Its not just cancer anymore, I am not scared of the cancer as such as my whole life here being ripped away from under my feet. Sorry for the long post. I just don't know what to do for the best. Either way, I need to stay here until I have the full picture and know what the surgeon wants to do.
Lego! Feel like a kid again
Well, I’m 5 months in to my BC journey & am going to be off for at least another 5-6 more months (2 surgeries & 2 x rounds of AC chemo down, 14 rounds of chemo left, then radiation, then hormone therapy). I kept stocking up my spotlight online cart, but then I thought with my track record of not completing much craft, I turned my idea to Lego. I bought the kit of ‘The Office’ & I think this is something I’ll actually finish! The kids are sad because I told them they could only play with it if they were in character 😂 I’ve let them build the characters & help pass me pieces, but the structure is all mine. I’ve done Michael & Pam’s work areas. I’m trying to pace myself though. We’ve got to treat ourselves right, this is a crap thing to live through. Any other Lego kits anyone has completed or can recommend?
Helping make decisions
Hi, my Mum is 78 and was diagnosed with hormone positive breast cancer in 2023, she has had her surgery and radiotherpay and is now on her hormone blockers. She now needs to make a decision about taking zometa, weighing up side effects with quality of life in your later years. She wants me to help her make a decision she is really struggling with, anyone have any tips on making decisions when your elderly and for loved ones they rely on to assist them.Waiting, waiting, waiting + frustration
I’m sorry, I’m really making the most of the solidarity here. It’s been almost 3 weeks since my diagnosis (43yr old, Grade 2, ER+ PR+ HER- mixed lobular/ductal) & I’m usually a super patient person, but I’m feeling quite down. I go for my PET scan & MRI tomorrow morning, early. I’m then seeing the surgeon again next week for hopefully a bit of a plan for treatment. I’m sick of not being able to plan or commit to anything. I’ve kept working as much as I can, but I’m getting sick of being told about friends of friends who have died of BC, or at the other end that ‘it’s so treatable & nothing much to worry about’. This morning I had my first real big cry, which made my 10yo daughter cry too, which made me feel worse. I cried because she has a grotty cough & so we had to take her with us for the 4 hr trip to our nearest imaging place & not send her to school or expose our neighbours to her germs. I cried because my oldest daughter had to stay behind. I cried because my oldest daughter turns 13 very soon & wants to be excited & plan her birthday, then she flips & apologises & says ‘don’t worry about getting me anything Mum’. I really know now how it feels to feel like a burden. I told my husband I should have just gone alone this trip, but he insisted on coming to keep me company, which I do appreciate. I’m so lucky really to be surrounded by so much love & well-intentioned support, but I think reality is really starting to sink in. I’m already sick of doing the 8hr round trip for the nearest cancer care, yet this is only the start. How do I decide what surgery is best? I don’t care much about my appearance, & I think a mastectomy & going flat makes the most sense, causes the least disruption to my family, but I feel quite sad still about losing my breast. Ugh. Anyway, no need to reply, just needed to get this off my chest.
Newly Diagnosed with TNBC
Hi everyone my name is Nique. I am 54yrs old and I was recently diagnosed with TNBC in December 2023 and I have had my first chemo and Immunotherapy on Friday Jan 12th. It is taking me a long time to process this information and sometimes I think it is surreal. My family has been really supportive throughout all of this especially my husband and one of my sister who herself went through her own journey with Breast Cancer (She had the Hormone positive). It is hard at the moment to say if the side effects are bad or not as I recently had COVID. Apart from the body ache (Which could be from COVID), everything taste metallic in my mouth and I do feel tired. I made the decision to cut my hair really short and then my husband will shave it off once it starts falling. For me cutting off my hair was a reality that this is real but it is still hard to digest at times. I am still working full time as I work remotely for an interstate company, but I Know that eventually I will need to decide whether to stay fulltime or part-time. My Chemo is every Thursday from my next session and I was lucky to have my sister there with me during my first one, unfortunately she is here on holidays and will be returning back to Dubai. I honestly don't know what I would have doe if she wasn't with me. She was there in the doctors office when I got the news and as I was in shock she took over and asked all the questions. Her and my husband have been with me to all my appointments, apart from being my support person she was also my husband's support person and for my kids. I honestly don't know how I am going to go through Chemo without her being there. Thank you for listening to me.
Feeling let down by friends
Did/is anyone else struggling to deal with friends and/or your partner who weren't there for you in the way you expected them to be when you were going through treatment? Im having trouble not feeling hurt and so alone in the hardest phase of my life. Im also internalising (not sure if thats the right way to put it) a lot of anger towards these “friends” that it is having a very negative effect on me, but i just cant move past it. Particularly because i know i was there for many of them during their hard times.Support and Family
Hi all, I have already posted my recent diagnosis story. Still going through the very early stages and I see my breast surgeon for the first time tomorrow. Today has been a bit tough. My son (15) was already suffering from anxiety prior to this diagnosis (although through meds and psychologist he was starting to get better), but it has really sent him in a spiral. He didn't want to attend school today and that was a real battle to get him there. I feel guilty that he is going through this and the problem is that things for me will certainly get worse before they get better (not to be negative, but I don't think the treatment will be a walk in the park) and this will all impact him. He says that when he is at school he cannot focus and I feel so bad for him. He is in Yr 10, but doing accelerated maths (so has started the year 12 component there). With all the anxiety he has had recently his work had already started to go downhill and now with this it is really suffering. My sister is incredibly supportive and positive, but I feel that I am ringing her constantly with my issues and didn't want to share this with her. I know that they want to be there for you, but I don't want to impact other's mental health. This doesn't only affect us, it also affects everyone around us. Does everyone feel like this when first diagnosed? I am sure it gets easier to navigate down the track. Yesterday my son asked if I was dying. It is difficult to answer this, since I don't know whether it has spread or not myself. Obviously, I do not say this to him, but how do others talk to their kids about this?
New mum struggles just got more challenging
Hi everyone! It’s lovely to meet you all despite this being the location. I was officially diagnosed on Tuesday but I’ve suspected it was breast cancer for over a week since the mood at my biopsy seemed urgent (and extremely sympathetic). I’m 34 years old and first time mum to an awesome little 11 month old boy. I’ve been struggling being the default parent because of the surprisingly small amount of help my partner offers. I thought we’d be more of a team but I let him get away with doing the bare minimum early on and now it’s slipped into a pattern that isn’t sustainable. I struggle with resenting him and it’s definitely affecting our relationship. I feel especially snappy and reactive now. This diagnosis is extra troubling as I have almost lost all faith in him stepping up more. How did others navigate their parenthood and relationship/marriage challenges while dealing with their cancer journey?
Introduction...
hi there, Thought I'd say hi and introduce myself. I am 30 years old and have a 7 year old daughter. I was diagnosed on 27/11/2015. It all still feels very surreal and overwhelming. Doctors think I have Inflamatory Breast Cancer so are treating me for this diagnosis. My treatment plan is 6 rounds of chemo, surgery and then radiation. I meet with the oncologist in the next few days to learn more. I'm still trying to get my head around all the jargon, medical terms and medication names! I'm hoping I can find some support and answers to some of my questions here. Kylie
First time lump: from a concerned husband's POV
Hi all I'm not really sure if this is the place to be asking this, but I've tried looking and reading online to get info, but it all seems fairly general, a little all over the place, and mostly american-based, which I don't find all that helpful, given the difference in standards / practises between our two countries. Anyway, a quick snapshot of the situation before I ask my question/s. My wife is 30 years old, and from a very conservative culture. Basically, unlike many girls her age, you'll never see her wearing clothing that shows more skin than it covers! We're relatively recently married (2 years), both each other's first loves, etc, so neither of us have had any reason (need or want!) to expose certain parts of either of our bodies to anyone other than each other. *Note: this point will be relevent shortly.* Pretty much until now. About a week-and-a-half ago, I discovered a small, hard lump in my wife's breast. (Y'know, because I'm a good husband and all that! :P). With Christmas happening last week, we only got around to seeing a doctor the other day who has given her a referral to get an ultrasound next week. That's great, but we don't really know what to expect from the whole thing. Again, online articles provide conflicting and varied answers, so I'm hoping I might find some answers in here. I should state that I'm not jumping any guns and thinking / presuming what she has is cancer. Far from it, actually. I'm 99% sure it's nothing of any concern, but right now we just don't know. What actually will happen at this appointment? When they see the lump, will they know what it is, or will there be other x-rays, ect, to determine that? I really want to be in there for everything with her, as if the roles were reversed, I'd really want my wife there with me. No-one other than her has seen my 'bits', so I'm putting myself in her shoes at the moment and I know my being there to hold her hand in support would make her feel a lot more at ease. I know that she's really nervous about the idea of someone else seeing and, even moreso, FEELING her breasts, so I've taken the day off work to be there for her. I spoke to the imaging place the other day and they said I MIGHT be allowed in to the ultrasound room with her, but there were no guarantees. I would like to think all places would allow someone to join the patient, as I'm sure it's not just a scary thing to just my wife and I! Anyway, any personal accounts or recounting of similar situations would very much appreciated. Thankyou in advance!
