Are you a breast cancer survivor who happens to be childless?
I have been a member of this online network since 2014, just after my diagnosis. At a recent breast cancer seminar at a city near where I live, something hit me like it hasn't in all this time, the subject of survivors who happen to be childless. I thought to myself, "Noone talks about this. Why?" This has led me to do my research, as you do, I found this demographic of women are at higher risk of breast and ovarian cancer. It is explained this way, you are at a lower risk of diagnosis if you have children. Interesting I thought, Nuns are at a higher risk of breast cancer and ovarian, not that I am a Nun but an interesting statistic that gets me thinking. Which brings me to why I am posting. I am putting it out there in a courageous way to see if there is another like me. Courageous because for 30 years after my extensive efforts to go forth and multiply I walked away childless. The one thing I learned was to keep it to yourself as I found there were lots of people willing to give you their advice, just like they do with breast cancer 'cures', an emotive issue is best kept to yourself for your own emotional survival. I am running a personal survey just to see if there are other women within this network who are in the same boat as me. Does anyone else feel a little left out when sitting in a seminar and not to be included in the discussions? I tell ya, there is a real sense of alienation, but culturally we are told to, 'just get over it', which is fine and life for me has been fulfilling in spite of it all. My GP doesn't know of another single patient like me which isn't very encouraging in finding my tribe, my mother always said I am different when all you want to do is be like everyone else. So please step forward if you are like me or if you know someone who has a similar story. I feel it is a subject that needs discussion and inclusion because in society we, the childless women are 1 in 5, by choice or by circumstance. Cheers Janet
Guilt
Thanks to BCNA and the forum contributors (my new friends). I was diagnosed with IDC this week at 49 and have been 'battling' my emotions rather than sitting into them. That stops now. A couple of family and friends have tried to console me by dismissing my emotions. "Oh, you'll be fine. So-and-so had breast cancer and she's fine." "It's like appendicitis. You'll get it cut out and move on." "With all the advancements in treatment, it's not like it can kill you anymore." "You're not special. Everyone has some form of cancer these days." I was starting to feel guilty for being so emotional. I felt like I needed to get over myself and just deal with it quietly and confidently. I'm lucky I have a supportive husband... and you all!
Home from holiday
mixed emotions coming home. Whistler Canada was like a fairytale land. The cold agreed with me the lymphodema stayed under control and the swelling on the flight was no more than a hot day here at home I was certainly glad I didn’t have to suffer that lot. Left Sydney on a 45 degree day and arrived in. Whistler to a low of -3 to about 2 most days. The Wedding was spectacular seeing them marry where they met at the stone circle in a sprinkling of snow. And after the ceremony they snow boarded down the mountain in their wedding gear. If only I could afford to go back. I would spend every summer there. LA was different and Disney fun but was a bit disappointed the best parts were closed for maintenance. At least while I was away it was like the last few years hadn’t happened but now I’m back and nothing has changed. Same struggles. Oh well reality bites and I will soldier on. Next is to get some real hours back at work. If there are any available
Screaming inside
I need to vent. I want to scream, slam doors, hit something Two days ago my daughter visited & told me she has been diagnosed with advanced breast cancer. She was strong, composed, not emotional as she talked about it being treatable, not curable, talked about updating her will. I think I am still in shock. We have since spoken on the phone, particularly about how & when she will tell her two children. We are taking her tomorrow to her first chemo appointment & I need to remain calm, as that is what is necessary. When I told her in 2011 of my diagnosis of early breast cancer, we were calm & positive together, though she did blink away tears. I always felt throughout my journey that things are more difficult for the carer than the patient - now I am experiencing that role & I can't stop the tears. My dear husband is quiet as he always is, but I know he is shattered. Now that he has gone to bed I can let tears flow & write this. We are angry - why didn't she have regular mammograms after my diagnosis? Why did no-one pick it up earlier? I feel guilty - is it genetic - my mother, myself - even though both diagnosed later in life? Guilty too because I just want to hold her while we both sob – but that won’t help her. Fortunately she has a best friend, one who supported her through her marriage breakup; there are also other friends, but my help will be needed too & I must be strong when I feel like collapsing in a heap. Any advice, suggestions on how best to support her & the kids would be welcome.Thank you to the carers of those with breast cancer 💖
‘If you’re not in a good place then it's really hard to look after someone else’ Stuart Diver’s message to those caring for someone with breast cancer is: Prioritise your mental and physical health Access resources like BCNA’s My Journey which offers personalised information What tips do you have for caring for someone with breast cancer? Let us know in the comments. If you aren’t sure how to support someone in your life with breast cancer or you need help navigating your role as a carer, you can call our free and confidential Helpline for information and support on 1800 500 258 between Monday- Friday 9am – 5pm.
I've Had A Week
In the last seven days: - I had a Covid19 test - negative - I finally got the guts up to raise body image and sex with a doctor during a telehealth consult with a doctor at a menopause after cancer clinic. Not a single doctor has ever raised this subect with me. - I had a check up with my breast surgeon. Back again in six months instead of 12 because the right foob is lumpy. - My son came to me in a panic about finding a lump on his testicles, I took him to the doctor, and then back again for the ultrasound results. A cyst, thankfully not a tumour. When I was telling him to calm down he said "I know Mum but it's US". - My youngest got her first period. And all this during Stage 4 Lockdown. I am exhausted. I feel like I'm always on high alert. Stop the world, I want to get off... K xox
Lego! Feel like a kid again
Well, I’m 5 months in to my BC journey & am going to be off for at least another 5-6 more months (2 surgeries & 2 x rounds of AC chemo down, 14 rounds of chemo left, then radiation, then hormone therapy). I kept stocking up my spotlight online cart, but then I thought with my track record of not completing much craft, I turned my idea to Lego. I bought the kit of ‘The Office’ & I think this is something I’ll actually finish! The kids are sad because I told them they could only play with it if they were in character 😂 I’ve let them build the characters & help pass me pieces, but the structure is all mine. I’ve done Michael & Pam’s work areas. I’m trying to pace myself though. We’ve got to treat ourselves right, this is a crap thing to live through. Any other Lego kits anyone has completed or can recommend?
Go Forth...and live your life!
Hi Everyone, It has been a LONG time since I have been back online. The past few months have been one hell of a road trip indeed. The months away have been spent, trying to get through numerous rounds of chemotherapy, each one systematically throwing endless side effects that eventually took their toll on my health. I spent a fair bit of the time crawling my way from bed to bathroom with months of diarrhea and having a good cry session at how "crap" my life had become (pun intended). I had several trips to the hospital with chest pains that had the doctors pretty concerned, only to realise my body was rejecting the chemo but I persevered till the end. I THINK the doctors thought telling me "Wow, we didnt think you would survive?" was somehow reassuring - ah that would be a negative! Thinking I would get hopefully some sort of break between chemo and radiation was delusional. 3 weeks after finishing chemo, I was laying on my back, topless getting zapped for 6 long weeks. My skin handled the radiation exceptionally well, until 8 days after the last dose, I woke to horrendous pain, the loss of the use of my left arm and covered in about 400 blisters from mid torso to my neck and around my side. I discovered I was highly allergic to the flamazine cream, which created huge open ulcerated sections and I looked like I had been baking myself in a 3000 degree oven. Thankfully, all is healed and I am back to looking "normal". The energy levels are still low, the metallic taste is gone, I can no longer look at a Pork Chop without throwing up and ice blocks are still my favourite go to food! I still need the odd afternoon nap, however one good thing has occurred - I have lost over 11 kilos and feel happier. I must admit, the visit to the Oncologist to begin the next step in life - "what tablet shall I swallow each day?" brought some very interesting information that had previously been unspoken by the medical team. It is amazing when a new doctor takes over from the old one and inadvertently informs you some facts that had been kept VERY quiet, in fact I think the C.I.A. would have been impressed by the secrecy....it has made me wonder whether the rather blase comment of "Go forth and live your life" uttered by the Radiation Oncologist was a standard routine comment, so they can sign you off the books? When the word "IS" is uttered and not "was" when talking about my BC, made my eyebrows raise. Anyway, while I wrap my head around the sheer fact that I have surprised my medical team by actually surviving - no, I am not joking! They seemed to take great joy in telling me that over and over. I am trying to get my life back into some sort of actual semblance of activities that dont evolve around the word "Cancer". Slightly hysterical in actuality considering that has been the number one bloody owner occupier of my life for the past 12 months! By the way - Letrozole (Femara) seems to be the chosen tablet for the next 7 years of my life. I have been researching the side effects and I seriously hope and pray, my body along with its constant companion LUPUS, doesn't resort to throwing every single one of them at me! I am to be honest, dreading it. If you have managed to get this far......I have a question - has ANYONE REFUSED to take the medication and if so, how has it affected you?? I am asking merely to give myself various options so when i see the Oncologist - I go armed with information and not merely accepting their word as gospel. I have learnt over this past year, as much as I wanted to hide my head - I cant and couldn't. I needed to know what I was up against and also in some cases have serious discussions as to alternatives with the Medical team.... just so i could survive. So for the next few months, while I do the routine scans, tests, bone density, teeth check and wait to see the Oncologist again - I am looking forward to welcoming my third grandchild into the world (our first grand-daughter), see my beloved friend get married to the Love of her life and spend time swimming before the cold once again hits us. Life is sweet....hectic but sweet. I can now enjoy simply being LOIS once again.... Big hugs and thank you for reading this! Lois
