Forum Discussion
Are you a breast cancer survivor who happens to be childless?
I have been a member of this online network since 2014, just after my diagnosis. At a recent breast cancer seminar at a city near where I live, something hit me like it hasn't in all this time, the subject of survivors who happen to be childless. I thought to myself, "Noone talks about this. Why?"
This has led me to do my research, as you do, I found this demographic of women are at higher risk of breast and ovarian cancer. It is explained this way, you are at a lower risk of diagnosis if you have children.
Interesting I thought, Nuns are at a higher risk of breast cancer and ovarian, not that I am a Nun but an interesting statistic that gets me thinking. Which brings me to why I am posting.
I am putting it out there in a courageous way to see if there is another like me. Courageous because for 30 years after my extensive efforts to go forth and multiply I walked away childless. The one thing I learned was to keep it to yourself as I found there were lots of people willing to give you their advice, just like they do with breast cancer 'cures', an emotive issue is best kept to yourself for your own emotional survival.
I am running a personal survey just to see if there are other women within this network who are in the same boat as me. Does anyone else feel a little left out when sitting in a seminar and not to be included in the discussions? I tell ya, there is a real sense of alienation, but culturally we are told to, 'just get over it', which is fine and life for me has been fulfilling in spite of it all.
My GP doesn't know of another single patient like me which isn't very encouraging in finding my tribe, my mother always said I am different when all you want to do is be like everyone else. So please step forward if you are like me or if you know someone who has a similar story.
I feel it is a subject that needs discussion and inclusion because in society we, the childless women are 1 in 5, by choice or by circumstance.
Cheers Janet
This has led me to do my research, as you do, I found this demographic of women are at higher risk of breast and ovarian cancer. It is explained this way, you are at a lower risk of diagnosis if you have children.
Interesting I thought, Nuns are at a higher risk of breast cancer and ovarian, not that I am a Nun but an interesting statistic that gets me thinking. Which brings me to why I am posting.
I am putting it out there in a courageous way to see if there is another like me. Courageous because for 30 years after my extensive efforts to go forth and multiply I walked away childless. The one thing I learned was to keep it to yourself as I found there were lots of people willing to give you their advice, just like they do with breast cancer 'cures', an emotive issue is best kept to yourself for your own emotional survival.
I am running a personal survey just to see if there are other women within this network who are in the same boat as me. Does anyone else feel a little left out when sitting in a seminar and not to be included in the discussions? I tell ya, there is a real sense of alienation, but culturally we are told to, 'just get over it', which is fine and life for me has been fulfilling in spite of it all.
My GP doesn't know of another single patient like me which isn't very encouraging in finding my tribe, my mother always said I am different when all you want to do is be like everyone else. So please step forward if you are like me or if you know someone who has a similar story.
I feel it is a subject that needs discussion and inclusion because in society we, the childless women are 1 in 5, by choice or by circumstance.
Cheers Janet
141 Replies
- Hi Halla,
thanks for sharing your story. we never really get told if there are links to HRT and cancer, speculation is rife I reckon. I too was on HRT for a little while, only low doses of estrogen, my cancer was only 10% estrogen positive and the rest unknown so who knows?
I am pleased to hear you are happy in the life you have, what sort of work do you do?
Cheers Janet - Terrific that you are enjoying your life @Halla xx ..... I definitely agree that having kids can disrupt your lifestyle - if not your relationship!
I am Getting older now tho, and being hubby's 24/7 caregiver - it would be wonderful to have family in to 'take over' now & then. .... mind you, having kids is no guarantee that you're going to get that support when you need it, either!! :( - Hi thanks for bumping this up. Yes! I am a childless survivor. I was on the pill for 20 years, initially for acne, and went off it when I was 35. I wanted to have children with my then long term partner but he didn’t. Then my mother died. I’m an only child. So that was a lot to deal with TBH. I had therapy. I eventually left the guy and found my current partner at 43, accidentally got pregnant, but miscarried. We didn’t try again but he would have if I’d wanted to which freed me from a lot of the torment about it all. It took a lot but I eventually adjusted to the idea of not having children and now am very comfortable with it.
My life is good and I have a fulfilling creative v career which would not have been the same with children.
My mother struggled with her fertility and had hormone treatment. she died of gallbladder cancer after being on HRT for five years.I do think that my family history of hormone problems and the treatment of them contributed to my breast cancer, which is hormone positive. I developed it during the 2 years I was on HRT. Probably the final straw. - We are still here, but not much activity in recent months @rebeccamarie - we haven't heard from @"Janet A" for a while tho .... I've messaged her - so hope all is OK.
Feel free to join .... it may kickstart the group again ....
take care - Thanks @BlackWidow
- Bringing this discussion forward to let new members know there is a private group on here for ladies who just happen to be childless, for whatever reason.
We have some specific issues which come up and affect us differently to others who may have 'children' to help and support.
Check it and out become a member. - Hello @arpie
The following website has information regarding advance care planning in each state and territory. Its called Advance Care Planning Australia. You can check your state and find the appropriate documents and relevant information.
https://www.advancecareplanning.org.au/resources/advance-care-planning-for-your-state-territory - Hi @arpie
I also found the documents as I am a Power of Attorney and was checking up as I heard a whisper.
The new rules in Victoria do not affect those who have an existing EPOA. They are considered the same in relation to medicos not being able to over-ride the wishes now which is a good thing.
The only big change is the area where one can state specific circumstances and what they want to happen - and this does affect us childless ladies as we don't have family who would know our wishes and ethics (not that all families would adhere to them, eh ?).
I think the new laws bring Vic into the real world like other States.
Hope you are well. Thanks for the downloads.
Summer :) - Great find, Anne @BlackWidow
Here is the link - click on 'download' - and even check out the publication below as well - Your Choice, Trust Your Choice (re enduring Powers of Attorney.)
http://www.publicadvocate.vic.gov.au/our-services/publications-forms/take-control-march-2018
I shall download both & check 'em out. I assume the new law would be Australia Wide, not just Victoria - I shall do some digging for NSW? Here it is ("Planning Ahead" section):
http://www.publicguardian.justice.nsw.gov.au - There are new rules in Victoria re Power of Attorney so I made some enquiries. Suggest ladies call the Office of the Public Advocate (Ph: 1300 309 337) and get a copy of the book "Take Control"'. With the new laws even doctors cannot override your decisions as to what you want at the time of crisis. The new laws allow one to make directives as to what they want to happen and can even put scenarios such as "If I can no longer feed, was or dress myself .....". Most certainly worth a look. I think it is also on-line for those who are able to do that. Never allow the public trustees to get involved as they put you in the crappiest cheapest place to save the money for them to take when you pass. Getting personal requirements from them (with YOUR money) is near impossible. Hope this helps someone out there. Anne
