Forum Discussion
Screaming inside
I need to vent. I want to scream, slam doors, hit something
Two days ago my daughter visited & told me she has been diagnosed with advanced breast cancer. She was strong, composed, not emotional
as she talked about it being treatable, not curable, talked about updating her
will. I think I am still in shock. We have since spoken on the phone,
particularly about how & when she will tell her two children. We are taking
her tomorrow to her first chemo appointment & I need to remain calm, as that
is what is necessary.
When I told her in 2011 of my diagnosis of early breast
cancer, we were calm & positive together, though she did blink away tears.
I always felt throughout my journey that things are more difficult for the
carer than the patient - now I am experiencing that role & I can't stop the
tears. My dear husband is quiet as he always is, but I know he is shattered. Now
that he has gone to bed I can let tears flow & write this.
We are angry - why didn't she have regular mammograms after my diagnosis? Why
did no-one pick it up earlier? I feel guilty - is it genetic - my mother,
myself - even though both diagnosed later in life? Guilty too because I just want
to hold her while we both sob – but that won’t help her.
Fortunately she has a best friend, one who supported her
through her marriage breakup; there are also other friends, but my help will be needed too & I must be strong when I feel like collapsing in a heap. Any advice, suggestions on how best to support her & the kids would be welcome.
23 Replies
- That's terrific that there's not been any serious side effects to date & that the kids are going OK.
Bad luck about the eye tho! I hope it settles quickly & the pathology is all good xx - Update ...
So far all is well (fingers crossed)
The kids are still digesting the news - I think it has been presented in such a calm, casual way that they perhaps don't yet understand the seriousness, but that's ok.
The second chemo session yesterday was as uneventful as the first. There have been no side effects thus far, & the rash has eased. After just one chemo treatment that is said to be a very good sign.
Meanwhile I am sporting a bit of a black eye & some swelling after my visit to the dermatologist yesterday for removal of a BCC. My dear daughter rang last night & again this morning to ask how I was feeling! <3 <3 <3 - Yeah - I've been told I give good hugs. :D
Sometimes that is the only way to convey the depth of emotion, as words are totally inadequate. - @Allie_P - Our Thoughts are with you both as the kids digest this scary info & work out their roles in their Mum's treatment .... Hugs are good, all round xxx
- Thanks @iserbrown
Yes, kids were informed yesterday - all is calm while they process everything. Granddaughter asked to confide in a friend, so has gone visiting today, grandson is mostly in his room.
@Hendrix - I have told my daughter there will be times when I will need to hug her & weep. I am more demonstrative than she is & she tolerates that in me, but neither of us copes with being fussed over, so I guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree! - Hi @Allie_P
Hope all is as well as can be for your daughter and the children are coming to grips with it all
Take care - Hello @Allie_P I have sent you a private message
- @Allie_P
The cancer train screaming--with doppler effect.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eEFBil6IOo - Thank you again to all who have taken the time to respond - your support is very much appreciated <3
I have finally worked out how to reply using individual names!
@suburbangirl, you are so right! It is difficult to keep such news from others when everyone comes together to celebrate.
@jennyss - thankyou for those kind thoughts.
@primek - such a positive post, with a factual example of hope - thank you.
@arpie - my new late night confidant ;)
@Brenda5 - so sad about your dad, but I am glad he came to be at peace with having a directive.
@Nefertari - yes, I'd gladly change places with my daughter, as watching her battle will be much harder than going through my own, far less serious, journey.
@iserbrown - like you, I did not shed a tear throughout my journey, but it is much more difficult to watch a loved one endure this. Thus far though, I have managed to keep a brave face in her presence. Thanks for the link.
@Blossom1961 & @Zoffiel - thanks for permission to scream! The vision of screaming while driving is particularly appealing. :D Crying in the shower is also good as the water drowns out the sound. - I bottled up my feelings so much when I was going through treatment. Do what is right for you, your daughter will love you whether you have a good cry together or not. She would realize you understand.
