Guilt

Golly gosh ZarraTheStaffy​ - some of those comments are pretty dismissive!  :(   I bet that if THEY got any cancer diagnosis, they'd expect compassion & support from YOU!  Sadly, most people have no idea how much a BC diagnosis hits & hurts you - until they themselves are diagnosed.  (Heaven Forbid!)

I am SO Sorry to see you join the club that no-one every thought they'd be joining 🙁  You've found the right spot here tho, for support & info from those who've 'been there, done that'! So hopefully we'll be able to smooth the way for your own story. 

Whack up ANY question - remember there are NO dumb questions!!!  Make sure you take a trusted friend or family member with you to your appointments, as a 'backup set of ears', as it is difficult remembering everything that is said.  Also, consider recording your sessions on your phone, so you can go over it again later, for the same reason. 😉

As you progress thru your appointments/surgeries ... let us know how you are going, by continuing to reply to this post ... it is a good way of 'keeping a diary' of everything you're going thru, in the one spot!!  I look back on my original post too (up til I started the hormone suppression) and am amazed at the wonderful support afforded to me, too xx

Mine was ILC (Invasive Lobular Cancer) - I was lucky to only have the one lumpectomy, rads & tablets .... and have recently finished with the tabs now!

This diagnosis can really muck with your brain too - so if you feel sad, angry, distressed - that is absolutely 100% NORMAL!  But you don't have to 'do it' on your own! xx .... ask your GP (or your treating team) for a referral to see a counsellor .... or listen to Charlotte Tottman's podcast (link below).  You can also ring our Helpline on 1800 500 258 for a confidential one-on-one chat xx   

Try not to get ‘ahead of yourself’ with the ‘what ifs’ ….. as they may never happen - and going down that rabbit hole (specially if using Dr Google) will REALLY muck with your brain  :(   A lot of info on Google doesn’t relate to your diagnosis or is out of date - so put any questions you have, to your medical team (or here!) xx   Take it one day at a time, one hour, if needed ..... but keep trying to do 'stuff you love' too .... so you have good 'down time' as well!  I treated myself to a holiday on Norfolk Island after all my active treatment ..... as a 'Well Done YOU' for going thru all that stuff - as a reward!!!

Charlotte Tottman  is a BC specialist counsellor who was diagnosed herself, also had a double mastectomy, so knows EXACTLY what we've all been thru, both emotionally and physically!  Her reaction to her own diagnosis was also quite different to what she 'thought' it might be, given that she'd been counseling women's reactions for some years before, so thought she 'new' what to expect!  She is VERY easy to listen to, too xx
http://www.drcharlottetottman.com.au/my-podcast.html. 

Raelene Boyle's video is also well worth watching! 
https://www.bcna.org.au/resource-hub/podcasts/upfront-about-breast-cancer/upfront-about-breast-cancer/episode-21-raelene-boyle-on-pulling-herself-out-of-the-darkness/

There is HEAPS of info in the link below to help you navigate the blog and also some tools to evaluate your own physical and mental recovery thru your ongoing treatment! xx.

https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussions/general-discussion/a-big-welcome-to-all-new-online-network-members-/222737

Take care & all the best for your surgery & ongoing treatment xx

ZarratheStaffy, sorry to hear of your diagnosis. It feels like being blindsided when you get a cancer result. Try not to expect too much re people's responses. As you have experienced already, they can be disappointing.

At this time you don't need glib overly optimistic "she'll be right",  "stay positive" BS. whatever feelings you are going to have, every one of them is valid. Time enough for the positive punchlines, for now you can sit with each stage and process them in your own time. It is your journey not there's.

There are a lot of us here, who have trod the road too, and wish you well. As mentioned, lots of resources available when you need them, and great you have a supportive partner. 

What is working for me: one day at a time, being a bit selfish and putting me first for the time being. 

Sending positive vibes your way.

ZarraTheStaffy​ It's important to feel the emotions. 

I received my diagnosis 2 months ago and the emotions help me understand what is worrying me, what is meaningful to me, what is confusing me.

A lot of people have been understanding when my eyes have sprung leaks of varying quantities, from the people at the biopsy through to the person who came to wheel my bed off towards the theater. Some days are leakier than others.

In the past I've not been a publicly emotional kind of person but stuff it, I'm going to go with the flow now. It sounds like you've chosen to feel the freedom to do that too - keep it up!

Oh yes i just posted something similar in one of the other groups about the irritation caused by some of the comments i have heard since my diagnosis a few weeks ago. Well its not like its an arm or leg if they have to cut your boob off. Lots of people get breast cancer. Oh you just have to take tablets. You dont look sick. It never ends really. Of course in amongst it there is many lovely comments and offers of support but it isnt helpful to say some of those platitudes when you dont understand what my actual diagnosis is.

IDC was hard to hear as it came out of nowhere. Then the words inoperable and incurable came. But it wasnt as bad as it sounded initially but it has still turned my life upside down and most days i just cannot fathom that this is actually happening. I wake up hoping its just a bad dream.

i wish you all the best on your journey and hope to keep in touch here along the way.

ZarraTheStaffy​  Thank you for sharing so openly - it takes courage to express what you’re feeling, especially when you've felt those in your close circles seem to minimize it! What you’re experiencing is completely valid. A diagnosis like IDC is life-changing, and it’s normal to feel a whirlwind of emotions. You don’t need to push those feelings down just to make those around you more comfortable - processing them is an important part of this journey. It can be really hard when people try to comfort us by dismissing what we’re going through. Comments like “you’ll be fine,” or comparisons to others often come from a place of wanting to help by minimising the difficulties, but they can leave us feeling unseen. 

I’m so glad you have a supportive husband ❤️ and that you’ve found this community. Here, you don’t have to pretend to be okay or minimize what you’re feeling. We’re here to listen, support, and walk alongside you. Sending you a big virtual hug and strength - please reach out to the helpline if you need anything at all 💜

ZarraTheStaffy​ I have sent you a private message.

Like you, I had a very quick diagnosis and went from the suggestion that I have a lumpectomy in my left breast  then it was decided that a mastectomy would be more beneficial as the biopsy showed different cancers in that breast to a last minute MRI that showed another mass in my right breast.  So I chose to have both breasts removed with the right untested.  It turns out that was probably a lifesaving decision as the three different cancers in the left beast were all contained and I would probably have only needed hormone therapy however, the undiagnosed right breast has HER 2 positive cancer lurking in it,  So the roller coaster ride has been extremely traumatic and am a bit concerned about not getting the right information I need to keep my head tightly screwed onto my shoulders.  I haven’t slept since my diagnosis back in 25/9 and am now trying all sorts of prescribed drugs but to no avail at this stage.  So being so totally exhausted doesn’t help one’s mental state.  
I start my 12 weeks of weekly chemo next week plus the targeted drug herseptin every three weeks and that will continue for the nine months after I finish my chemo.  
so it’s certainly looking like a long hard battle.  
but suddenly oh so comforting reading other people stories and how,to,deal,with some of the issues.