Guilt
Thanks to BCNA and the forum contributors (my new friends). I was diagnosed with IDC this week at 49 and have been 'battling' my emotions rather than sitting into them. That stops now. A couple of family and friends have tried to console me by dismissing my emotions. "Oh, you'll be fine. So-and-so had breast cancer and she's fine." "It's like appendicitis. You'll get it cut out and move on." "With all the advancements in treatment, it's not like it can kill you anymore." "You're not special. Everyone has some form of cancer these days." I was starting to feel guilty for being so emotional. I felt like I needed to get over myself and just deal with it quietly and confidently. I'm lucky I have a supportive husband... and you all!
Early HER2+
I understand what Early is and I am grateful that I found something at the same time as my breastscreen mammogram and it is not in lymph glands, PET was also clear but they need a new name for Early. My treatment is starting 9/10 and will be Chemo (abraxane) & hercepton then surgery and radiation. I thought I had choice after doing a lot of research on trusted websites, listening to great podcasts and asking questions of my MDT but although they say I do they highly recommend the above plan. I am resolved to losing my hair and looking forward to the freedom no hair should bring me, I am self employed so can regulate my hours, I am active and look forward to keeping that going, as I know how good it makes me feel and again research shows, it helps us through chemo and everything else. What I struggle with is seeing others reactions to the news and seeing my husband frustrated by the time it takes to have tests and get things started. I would delay treatment even longer if I could but know that is not a good decision as the HER2+ is a grade 3. With a name like Early people seem to think š¤ I will have an easy run, and I certainly hope I do but have read enough to know that I may not. People also say oh thatās good itās not urgent then and not that bad. For someone who limits toxins as much as one can this is testing my self control to the limits and then having people say and think š¤ it is going to be an easy road does not sit well with me. I am babbling and that is certainly something that has happened since diagnosis. I spent 24 hours in denial and 24 hours in why and have decided to tell only positive supportive people going forward and focus on things I can control and leave the rest to my team. thankyou for letting me rant and thankyou for all your encouraging posts and links which I have loved. Letās kick this tumours out of here xWorking while waiting for surgery
Hi all, was diagnosed 3 weeks ago today with early stage and was told Iād be having surgery pretty quickly. Ended up having to have more tests to eliminate issues in the other side and thankfully that all seems to be clear. But that has meant I still donāt have a date for surgery (I should find out tomorrow hopefully). My question is about how youāve all kept sane during this ālimboā period. My emotions and anxiety are all over the place, I canāt really focus or concentrate so Iāve taken a fair few days off work. Iām lucky enough that I can work from home (when Iām up to it) and my boss is awesome but I weirdly feel guilty about taking time off as though I should be managing this better. Iām conscious my surgery might not be for another few weeks so feel I need to work out better ways to handle this. Any inputs welcome! Thanks.
Letting go of blame - WHY did I get cancer?
I've just listened to BCNA's excellent podcast: What you don't know until you do, and one of the comments there made me want to share something that might bring comfort to anyone wondering āWhy me?ā When I was diagnosed, I went straight to questioning what I might have done wrong. I think a lot of us do. Itās easy to assume cancer comes from our own doing - e.g. drinking, not exercising enough, or eating poorly. But in my case, none of that fits. I have never smoked or drank alcohol (!), and for decades now Iāve exercised daily and eat a vegetarian/pescatarian diet with no dairy, no processed food, and very limited processed sugar etc. Over the last years, I'm moved to a job that's relatively stress-free and giving me much satisfaction and flexibility. Iām young, healthy, lean, muscly, and donāt carry any of the high-risk genes. And still, I got breast cancer. Iām not sharing this to scare anyone or suggest healthy habits donāt matter. They absolutely do ā and I believe theyāre helping me now in recovery, physically and mentally, and hopefully they've contributed to having less aggressive cancer type. But Iām sharing it in case it helps some of you lift some guilt. If youāve been blaming yourself for a glass of wine, skipped workouts, or a part of your diet ā please donāt. Cancer is complex, and sometimes it just happens, even when youāve done everything āright.ā Sending love and strength to everyone going through this. *Moderators - pls feel free to remove if not appropriate*
Newbieā¦long story
Hi everyone, Newbie here. Never dreamt I would be joining this club, but who does ?! This forum and website have been so helpful to me over the past month. My journey started last June when I decided to speak with my GP about a tender spot right on the inside edge of my left breast. She reassured me that tenderness isnāt typically a symptom of breast cancer, but we would check it out. Got an ultrasound and mammogram. US identified a small mass, mammo some calcifications. Got an us biopsy around October, all clear. Then around Christmas I noticed some brown nipple discharge (took a while to accept it was coming from the nipple, thought I had spilt somethingā¦. Every few days in the same spot!!!). Back to the GP, another ultrasound. The report said there was ādebrisā in the duct, couldnāt exclude papilloma, MRI would confirm, surgical consult recommended. So off for the consult, after which I was told the discharge was due to trauma to the breast from the biopsy (they didnāt send me for the MRI). This was purely based on discussion and very brief examination. In hindsight and knowing what I do now, I would have pushed back and demanded the MRI regardless. Relief! But my GP wasnāt convinced. She sent me for an MRI then a consult with a specialist breast surgeon who, after looking at the MRI, immediately sent me for some MRI and stereotactic biopsiesā¦2 in my left and one in the right. That was a bit of a marathon! I was convinced it was all a waste of time and money! I turned up to the surgeon for results unconcernedā¦obviously rather naive! āYouāve got a lot going on in your breasts!ā were her first words. LCIS and papilloma in my right breast, DCIS and invasive Mucinous carcinoma in my left. I was speechless. Shocked. Bewildered. Confused. We briefly discussed next steps, but I couldnāt get out of there fast enough! I called my husband in tears. We went back together to the surgeon the following Monday, after doing a bit of research, lots of reading, and chatting with a wonderful McGrath Breast Care Nurse. After asking more questions, I decided on a left mastectomy and right lumpectomy. Plus sentinel node biopsy on the left. But I was so angry. How could the first surgeon send me away without really being sure??!! I went through all the feelings, disbelief, anger, sadness, grief, a bit more anger, and finally acceptance (mostly anyway!!). I realise I have to let go of the anger, and am taking it on as a learning - itās important to advocate for our own health and not accept something too easily if it doesnāt seem right. Hubby and I had a two week holiday booked up north the following week, which the surgeon said was fine, so we booked surgery for August 13, ten days after we would get home. The holiday was great, we hadnāt told anyone at that point (except my mum and work). We were able to not think about it and had some really special time together. It was good to have the space and time to process what was happening. so now Iām one week post surgery, contemplating the future, keen to get back to everything I used to do. I had been training for a half marathon in September, which of course now wonāt be happening. We are hiking the Overland Track in February, so thatās what Iām aiming for. Iām so very lucky to have an amazing, competent, supportive partner. He has taken the same time off work as me to support my recovery. He even washed my hair for me yesterday :-) Recovery is going pretty well, although Iām often still uncomfortable in bed. Getting the drain tube out a couple of days ago was wonderful! We go back to the surgeon next week (two weeks after surgery) for dressings etc and results. Fingers and toes are all crossed! Thanks for getting this far, thereās something a little cathartic in writing this down. Iāve really appreciated reading others stories, it helps with knowing we are not alone and the feelings are valid. Thank you :-) Belinda xx
Emotional Guidance
Hello š I was just diagnosed two weeks ago with HER2 Positive BC. Iām 36 yrs old with two young children and a wonderful husband. Iām struggling with the mental, emotional side of it all and wondering if anyone could recommend a book to read to help me through. Iām struggling with big feelings of sadness and anger. I seem to have lost my want to get up and do every day things. I just want to sleep to forget. I donāt like this feeling and would really like to read and understand coping mechanisms to get me through. thank you xDo I stay or do I go?
Not your average post. Originally a backpacker from the UK, been in Aus 5 years and have moved onto a work sponsorship visa with my employer. I live in a very remote area and it is a 4 hour flight to my nearest 'treatment centre'. Two weeks ago it was confirmed (via biopsy) that in my left breast I have a 2mm invasive mass, and 10cm of non invasive DCIS. I had a contrast mamo and PET scan (no result yet) and scheduled for an MRI on the 6th June, and appointment with the surgeon to discuss options on the 10th June. My breast dr said the surgeon will recommend a mastectomy due to the large area of DCIS. Possibly chemo, radio and hormone therapy. They are also talking about what I want to do with my eggs. I am so scared, and I am not sleeping. I am only 34 years old without children. I don't know what to do, do I stay here in Australia and undergo the treatment recommended and stay near the hospital with the mother of a friend (who has also had breast cancer and has said she is more than happy to support me through required treatment). I love my life here that I have built over the past 5 years, and I love my job. I am scared I will lose my job with the next few months of treatment coming up (very little can be done remotely), my visa is tied to my job. I may get deported mid way through treatment? I dont know? I know I should speak to an immigration lawyer but I am already inundated with administration from cancer. My family back home are very supportive and will support whichever decision I make. They and I am also wary of the health care system back at home (which isn't in great shape). If I go home, I will take all my diagnosis letters and scans, but I will still have to start this process again from the start and basically be told twice I have cancer and they want to chop my breast off. I wont be able to get a job due to appointments and treatment, and wont be entitled to benefits as I haven't paid tax in my home country for 5 years. Its not just cancer anymore, I am not scared of the cancer as such as my whole life here being ripped away from under my feet. Sorry for the long post. I just don't know what to do for the best. Either way, I need to stay here until I have the full picture and know what the surgeon wants to do.
