Letting go of blame - WHY did I get cancer?
I've just listened to BCNA's excellent podcast: What you don't know until you do, and one of the comments there made me want to share something that might bring comfort to anyone wondering “Why me?” When I was diagnosed, I went straight to questioning what I might have done wrong. I think a lot of us do. It’s easy to assume cancer comes from our own doing - e.g. drinking, not exercising enough, or eating poorly. But in my case, none of that fits. I have never smoked or drank alcohol (!), and for decades now I’ve exercised daily and eat a vegetarian/pescatarian diet with no dairy, no processed food, and very limited processed sugar etc. Over the last years, I'm moved to a job that's relatively stress-free and giving me much satisfaction and flexibility. I’m young, healthy, lean, muscly, and don’t carry any of the high-risk genes. And still, I got breast cancer. I’m not sharing this to scare anyone or suggest healthy habits don’t matter. They absolutely do — and I believe they’re helping me now in recovery, physically and mentally, and hopefully they've contributed to having less aggressive cancer type. But I’m sharing it in case it helps some of you lift some guilt. If you’ve been blaming yourself for a glass of wine, skipped workouts, or a part of your diet — please don’t. Cancer is complex, and sometimes it just happens, even when you’ve done everything “right.” Sending love and strength to everyone going through this. *Moderators - pls feel free to remove if not appropriate*
Regrowing hair
This possibly sounds silly and vain however, I am looking for advice on regrowing my hair post chemo. I have been looking online but hasn’t been helpful. The first hair that came through was grey and crazy and is now an inch long and there is a black ‘sheen’ coming through now. Should I get number two all over to tidy up and have hair all same length and then start growing OR just persevere until it gets some length and then deal with it. I have mostly been accepting the au natural look which is looking very nutty professor at the moment. thanks in advance
Mets now in my brain
Hi Everyone my latest scan has been a shock and made me sad. I was on enhurtu and hoping for big success. However after 4 round 2 of my liver mets increased and now i have mets in the right side of my brain. I fell over in the last treat cycle and got a black eye and I also fainted one night. Luckily the bed was beside me when I fainted. My oncologist phoned me with my results Friday and I am numb. She said the plan is this. I get a port monday, tues chemo, thurs I have a skin check (melanomas) and the oncologist is ordering an mri of the brain for my radium oncologist. I don't have an appointment yet but the plan is to radiate that brain met. Then I have one other enhurtu infusion in September and another scan. My oncologist tells me there is other chemo we can try and the brain mets will be treated with radium. My husband and I are in shock and sad. My mets has progressed so fast - 2 yrs and several treatment changes already. This is so hard.
Newbie…long story
Hi everyone, Newbie here. Never dreamt I would be joining this club, but who does ?! This forum and website have been so helpful to me over the past month. My journey started last June when I decided to speak with my GP about a tender spot right on the inside edge of my left breast. She reassured me that tenderness isn’t typically a symptom of breast cancer, but we would check it out. Got an ultrasound and mammogram. US identified a small mass, mammo some calcifications. Got an us biopsy around October, all clear. Then around Christmas I noticed some brown nipple discharge (took a while to accept it was coming from the nipple, thought I had spilt something…. Every few days in the same spot!!!). Back to the GP, another ultrasound. The report said there was “debris” in the duct, couldn’t exclude papilloma, MRI would confirm, surgical consult recommended. So off for the consult, after which I was told the discharge was due to trauma to the breast from the biopsy (they didn’t send me for the MRI). This was purely based on discussion and very brief examination. In hindsight and knowing what I do now, I would have pushed back and demanded the MRI regardless. Relief! But my GP wasn’t convinced. She sent me for an MRI then a consult with a specialist breast surgeon who, after looking at the MRI, immediately sent me for some MRI and stereotactic biopsies…2 in my left and one in the right. That was a bit of a marathon! I was convinced it was all a waste of time and money! I turned up to the surgeon for results unconcerned…obviously rather naive! “You’ve got a lot going on in your breasts!” were her first words. LCIS and papilloma in my right breast, DCIS and invasive Mucinous carcinoma in my left. I was speechless. Shocked. Bewildered. Confused. We briefly discussed next steps, but I couldn’t get out of there fast enough! I called my husband in tears. We went back together to the surgeon the following Monday, after doing a bit of research, lots of reading, and chatting with a wonderful McGrath Breast Care Nurse. After asking more questions, I decided on a left mastectomy and right lumpectomy. Plus sentinel node biopsy on the left. But I was so angry. How could the first surgeon send me away without really being sure??!! I went through all the feelings, disbelief, anger, sadness, grief, a bit more anger, and finally acceptance (mostly anyway!!). I realise I have to let go of the anger, and am taking it on as a learning - it’s important to advocate for our own health and not accept something too easily if it doesn’t seem right. Hubby and I had a two week holiday booked up north the following week, which the surgeon said was fine, so we booked surgery for August 13, ten days after we would get home. The holiday was great, we hadn’t told anyone at that point (except my mum and work). We were able to not think about it and had some really special time together. It was good to have the space and time to process what was happening. so now I’m one week post surgery, contemplating the future, keen to get back to everything I used to do. I had been training for a half marathon in September, which of course now won’t be happening. We are hiking the Overland Track in February, so that’s what I’m aiming for. I’m so very lucky to have an amazing, competent, supportive partner. He has taken the same time off work as me to support my recovery. He even washed my hair for me yesterday :-) Recovery is going pretty well, although I’m often still uncomfortable in bed. Getting the drain tube out a couple of days ago was wonderful! We go back to the surgeon next week (two weeks after surgery) for dressings etc and results. Fingers and toes are all crossed! Thanks for getting this far, there’s something a little cathartic in writing this down. I’ve really appreciated reading others stories, it helps with knowing we are not alone and the feelings are valid. Thank you :-) Belinda xxNew diagnosis metastatic breast cancer
Hi, I'm all very new to this being diagnosed only 7 wks ago with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer (triple positive) which has spread to my bones. I am 51 with 2 children. I had only had my first mammogram 18 mths previous which was clear. I felt unwell at work & went to hospital and they found it looking for something else. It has been such an overwhelming process. My family & friends have been amazing but am feeling so very alone.
? Worried that there is worse not found yet
Hello everyone, so I had high grade dcis removed with good margins following a lumpectomy. I am having a bilateral mastectomy in 20 days. My brain is running wild with the what ifs. Im terrified they may find something else when I have the surgery. My surgeon seems pretty confident that the mastectomy will remove any worries like that. Do others panic about things like this. Waiting for surgery is torture for a super anxious person like me. Thanks for letting me vent. Hugs to all xHigh grade DCIS
Hello everyone, diagnosed with high grade DCIS I've had a lumpectomy. The surgeon said clear margins. Im scheduled to have a bilateral mastectomy in 29 days. Im going to go flat no reconstruction. I have no family support and quite frankly a useless husband. Rocky marriage prior to the diagnosis. My surgeon said I don't need lymph nodes removed because of the clear margins. I have myself dead and buried im terrified. I have no one to talk to. Hence why I'm here reaching out to you wonderful people. Please be a support for me I have no one. I've lost two sisters to this disease I don't want to join them just yet. Love and blessings ShannonWHO do I tell?
I was diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer 2 weeks ago and had a lumpectomy with sentinel node biopsy last week. I’m recovering , but figuring out support has been tricky. I’m single, with a small close circle — amazing women who are already doing what they can, but they’re busy and going through a lot themselves. I know I need more help, but the next layer of friends includes people who always overshare others private news. I’m hesitant to open up, even though some of them might be able to support me practically. I also love my privacy, alone time I'm not good at asking for what I want/ need - and so far have managed. So I’m a bit stuck between needing more help and not being sure who I feel safe relying on. Has anyone else struggled with this? How did you decide who to tell or lean on — especially when trust or privacy was a concern? Should I even worry about privacy - would it be so bad if the whole world knew...? I prob feel it might from romantic and future job perspective... Thank you in advance!
