Forum Discussion
How to prioritise self care?
So self care is the mantra in survivorship right?
I need to do gym three times a week for the weight bearing exercises to stave off the bone damage of Letrozole. Haven't managed to work that into my schedule since early last December.
On the days when I'm not at the gym I have to walk because minimum of 30 mins a day exercise, preferably an hour.
I have to bust stress, of which I have an excess. So I'm starting a yoga class on Saturday morning. Can't use food and booze to stress bust anymore.
I have to sort out my head, get rid of the depression, manage the anxiety, so it's a psychologist appointment every two or three weeks. She wants me to journal. I struggle to find the time. She also wants me to spend 30 minutes a day doing something I enjoy, just for me.
I saw my dietician today about my failure to knuckle down and lose weight. My willpower is rubbish and as you know, it's like rolling a boulder up a hill trying to lose weight in menopause on an AI. Have to eat a low sat fat diet because of the Letrozole cholesterol issues. I have to cook most days of the week for a vegetarian, three meat-eating teenagers and a Type 2 diabetes octogenarian.
There's also the assorted ongoing medical appointments that seem to roll around with remarkable frequency.
This afternoon on my way home from the dietician in Town, I received a phone call from my son saying my daughter was vomiting, a lot. She was already home with extreme tiredness and what she described as stress from the overwhelming amount of schoolwork she has (Yr 10). Of course it could be just that, or glandular fever, but my mind goes straight to cancer. Lymphoma probably...
I also get an email from school about my nephew (Yr 8) He's got yet another detention after being given several warnings to rein in his classroom behaviour. The teacher is "beginning to wonder if he has impulse control issues".
My son, starting uni next week, has done nothing whatsoever about learning to drive or getting a job and has zero money. How does he think he is going to pay for his day to day uni life? He's been sitting in his room playing computer games and watching anime since November. From the beginning of January I've made him cook dinner once a week.
My niece continues to be the most difficult of them all. Almost continually rude, refuses simple requests, sulky, terrible sleep issues & much more.
So to properly deal with each one of those issues takes buckets of time and buckets of money. GP appointments, specialist child psychologists and who knows what else. About to take vomiting daughter to the doctor now.
My self care, if done properly, would take buckets of time and buckets of money.
There are no buckets here. If there's a choice I have to prioritise the kids. Any prioritising of myself is already accompanied by massive guilt.
I am really struggling to arrange my survivorship life. And that's even before I start trying to find and then hopefully get a job. How does everyone do this? How do I recover fully and lead a healthier, engaged life in survivorship, and take care of everyone else, have a satisfying relationship with my partner, a job, maintain contact with my friends, keep fit, lose weight, not be stressed and feel OKish about everything? Is it actually possible to do at all?
Yours from the House of Bad Behaviour and Vomit, K
I need to do gym three times a week for the weight bearing exercises to stave off the bone damage of Letrozole. Haven't managed to work that into my schedule since early last December.
On the days when I'm not at the gym I have to walk because minimum of 30 mins a day exercise, preferably an hour.
I have to bust stress, of which I have an excess. So I'm starting a yoga class on Saturday morning. Can't use food and booze to stress bust anymore.
I have to sort out my head, get rid of the depression, manage the anxiety, so it's a psychologist appointment every two or three weeks. She wants me to journal. I struggle to find the time. She also wants me to spend 30 minutes a day doing something I enjoy, just for me.
I saw my dietician today about my failure to knuckle down and lose weight. My willpower is rubbish and as you know, it's like rolling a boulder up a hill trying to lose weight in menopause on an AI. Have to eat a low sat fat diet because of the Letrozole cholesterol issues. I have to cook most days of the week for a vegetarian, three meat-eating teenagers and a Type 2 diabetes octogenarian.
There's also the assorted ongoing medical appointments that seem to roll around with remarkable frequency.
This afternoon on my way home from the dietician in Town, I received a phone call from my son saying my daughter was vomiting, a lot. She was already home with extreme tiredness and what she described as stress from the overwhelming amount of schoolwork she has (Yr 10). Of course it could be just that, or glandular fever, but my mind goes straight to cancer. Lymphoma probably...
I also get an email from school about my nephew (Yr 8) He's got yet another detention after being given several warnings to rein in his classroom behaviour. The teacher is "beginning to wonder if he has impulse control issues".
My son, starting uni next week, has done nothing whatsoever about learning to drive or getting a job and has zero money. How does he think he is going to pay for his day to day uni life? He's been sitting in his room playing computer games and watching anime since November. From the beginning of January I've made him cook dinner once a week.
My niece continues to be the most difficult of them all. Almost continually rude, refuses simple requests, sulky, terrible sleep issues & much more.
So to properly deal with each one of those issues takes buckets of time and buckets of money. GP appointments, specialist child psychologists and who knows what else. About to take vomiting daughter to the doctor now.
My self care, if done properly, would take buckets of time and buckets of money.
There are no buckets here. If there's a choice I have to prioritise the kids. Any prioritising of myself is already accompanied by massive guilt.
I am really struggling to arrange my survivorship life. And that's even before I start trying to find and then hopefully get a job. How does everyone do this? How do I recover fully and lead a healthier, engaged life in survivorship, and take care of everyone else, have a satisfying relationship with my partner, a job, maintain contact with my friends, keep fit, lose weight, not be stressed and feel OKish about everything? Is it actually possible to do at all?
Yours from the House of Bad Behaviour and Vomit, K
136 Replies
- Good luck @kitkatb with going back to work - it can be a bit scary but you'll fall in to it soon enough. And @afraser - maybe you need to find a project you can be involved in (once you've done some holidaying, of course). You don't sound the type to drift in retirement.
@zoffiel That's just shit. Is there a way that you can check in with your friend and let her know that you're there for her without crowding her? I guess that I'm thinking a note or email - something that communicates how much you care but gives her plenty of space to process it. I can understand your friend in that she may not want to discuss her diagnosis with anyone, even her closest friends. Talking can be just too hard. But she may appreciate knowing that you are there for her and that you can give her room to get her head around things. - Mmmmm... gin....
- @Nikkilee I’m tired and unmotivated all the time too - I wonder if it’s menopause related.
Good on u @kmakm for starting on the yoga. Just need to make it become a habit - u will find that it will get easier.
My self care yesterday was going to a gin festival and a nice lunch with the hubby. - So hard @Zoffiel I though an old school friend had cancer due to something she put on FB and I had to stop myself from ringing her straight away. Turns out she didn’t but hadn’t known how to approach me since I got diagnosed. I hit the horror button with just the possibility so I hope you have someone to support you with this. You certainly know you have us. Big hugs
- That’s a bugger @Zoffiel ... wishing your friend all the best xx
- Shitsticks @Zoffiel, this bloody disease. I'm so sorry. I have an inkling of what you're feeling. When one of my best friends went to have a mammogram as a result of me having BC, she got a call back letter. I felt sick with horror for her, and actually cried in a shop when she rang to tell me she'd got the all clear. Big hug M, K xox
- Indeed! All of that.
- I know he means well. We go back nearly thirty years and the three of us have seen some serious turbulence in that time. We often wonder how two control freaks and a horse whisperer have managed to stay friends for so long. She laughingly calls he and I 'Team Shrek' which is a perfect foil for her quietly spoken determination. Now the Energiser Bunny has joined the mix we are an odd crew indeed.
I guess me being cross with him (for doing what he always does) is a cover for the shock of it all. I always thought I'd be the one on the pointy end of the cancer stick and there is a sense of disbelief that the cards appear to have fallen differently. Bugger, bugger, bugger poos and wees. - So the two of you will work it out. Without his kind assistance - which I am sure is well meant but is also (inevitably) about his need to 'do something' as well. It's the helplessness that gets many - don't know what to do to stop it happening, happening again, do the right thing in treatment, say yes or no. Can be bad (but not as bad) for the partners, family, friends. Not to mention the ill informed, self appointed advisers. Best wishes for your visit, to both of you.
