Forum Discussion
Work/grief/sadness
Hi all,
apologies if this has already been discussed but I couldn’t find anything elsewhere.
apologies if this has already been discussed but I couldn’t find anything elsewhere.
I’m 46, had a right mastectomy (Diep flap) and left reduction in early December for stage 2 invasive lobular carcinoma. My recovery went really well, no pain whatsoever. I still have another procedure to alter the flap and then have nipple tattooing but have to wait until later in the year. Started on Tamoxifen in Jan.
I went back to work at the start of March and since then have felt the wheels come off a bit. I went back on reduced hours but in a different role to what I usually do (but just as busy!) 3 weeks in I was feeling overwhelmed and crying at the drop of a hat. This role was only to cover someone else and when I asked for more time on reduced hours/duties I was given yet another new role which is totally unfamiliar to me. Consequently I ended up leaving work early this morning as I was in tears. I think because my recovery went so well I hadn’t properly processed everything that had happened before (diagnosis to surgery was pretty quick). And work seems to have triggered a huge reaction that I didn’t expect. It feels like the reality of all this has hit all at once and I’m on a huge emotional rollercoaster. I am seeing a counsellor and she’s been amazing. Plus I’ve started acupuncture.
I’m so used to be busy and I used to love it but at the moment, I just don’t have the capacity for it. Has anyone else had a similar experience?
16 Replies
Oh My Goodness
Thank you for telling us about your situation.
I jumped on here hoping to find others that were struggling with the back to work trying to be normal and absolutely not!! I have been back at work for quite some time and although they are very understanding its sometimes I just feel inadequate, peripheral neuropathy, Lymphedema and working with a different body post chemo and surgery.
I do my very best and I meet targets (sales) but sometimes I work in retail I might not get things tidied up or have the time or energy to do the vacuum at the end of day because frankly...I'm in pain.
I am 53 and I feel like the cancer and treatment has aged me 20 years. I have a Boss that is in her early 20s and I don't think she understands that I cant work at the same pace she does.
At the moment my mental health is starting to suffer because I am coming home stressed and worried that I haven't done things to her standards and I may go in to my next shift and get negative feedback from her...its awful I love my job and my customers its the only thing in my life at the moment that was bringing me joy and now its stressing me.
I'm going to see my GP on Tuesday and Talk to my psychologist about this on the same day maybe I need some leave.
So its good to know that others are having back to work issues too.
I am So sorry that you are feeling stressed in your work Lynnym - specially being in sales & expected to meet specific targets. It is no surprise that you are feeling stressed. 😪
Can you approach your young boss's superior to see if you can either adjust your hours or target tally, to take a bit of pressure off you for a while?
I hope you can see your Psych soon & that they can give you some 'coping techniques' ....
Have you listened to Charlotte Tottman's podcasts "What you Don't Know Until you Do"? You can check individual posts or go thru the lot. She is very easy to listen to - and has terrific insight & advice xx
She is a specialist BC psych who was diagnosed with BC about 7 years ago, so has been thru everything that we've been thru and she 'gets it' in a way that other psychs may not.
http://www.drcharlottetottman.com.au/my-podcast.htmlTake care - and consider ringing our helpline for a one on one chat too
1800 500 258 (Mon-Fri, 9-5) xx
- This sounds exactly what I am struggling with currently. I work part time and continued to work through a year of chemo, surgery and targeted therapy - taking sick leave when required. In hindsight, it was kind of a survival mechanism and an attempt to retain normalcy.
My job is not physically demanding, but can be stressful. Now I have finished active treatment, work has less priority in my life. I would like to travel, but also understand that my husband is not at the same place and is still very much career focussed. I am trying to find a balance. - Hi @Tri, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to question whether going back to what you were doing before. I have found the last 10 months challenging for a number of reasons but did make adjustments to work. I have every alternate day off and this seems to be working for me. But I am now wondering if I even want to be working at the pace and environment I’m in. It’s physically and can be emotionally demanding at times. So I guess I’m giving my self time to figure what I need and what will make me feel fulfilled at work.It’s definitely a roller coaster and I’m learning to just go with and listen to what my body needs x
- Hi @Arn_007 thanks for jumping in and sharing how you are processing your experience 2 years on from treatment.I love your dry humour (‘I coughed…’) thanks for the morning LOL and your wise observation that how we feel might change as we move through stages many years after treatment (it’s 10 months since I completed treatment).
I have not yet dialled up my return to work (during and since treatment I changed gears and reduced the time spent working, the type of work I did within my field (taking on work that was not as complex and time bound) and where I worked and I studied a short course for interest), so I didn’t necessarily go from madly busy to zero partly because I didn’t think I would cope well with that change; conscious my type of work enabled me to shift and repackage how I worked and that’s not always possible for everyone.
But hearing your observation @Arn_007 is very timely because just about every day I am asked “So what are you going to do next?” which is a perfectly reasonable and kind question but one which for me is a bit hard to answer simply.
I have really wrestled with this and whether going back to my “original” career (professional advisor, sedentary role, long hours but plenty of adrenaline and sense of purpose) is wise.I have come across colleagues who have had breast cancer and returned to their work life but they made adjustments.
It sounds like others have grappled with this and @Arn_007 your point about the different stages of grief is very helpful. How I read this is that emotional contexts can change and it’s helpful to keep an open mind about choices we might have made, as we move through these stages.
I wonder how the last 10 months have been for you @RedRose77 - Hi @RedRose77
I'm 47 and two years post treatment (lumpect, chemo, rad, tamox)
I was definitely tired for a few months after treatment. And you've had a mastectomy to boot - surely that would take a few months to physically recover from, let alone the emotional side?
After treatment and rest, I had a six months of "high on life", which culminated in busting my knee while playing sport beyond my fatigue level (all ok now).
After that there was twelve months of waking up to the reality of having had treatment for cancer aka "what the h-ll just happened... I want my life back...".
I'm currently in the "I coughed, it must be mets" stage 😉. Who knows what exciting stage is next? Tamoxifen, I'm looking at you.😄
Like others on this thread, even now I'm struggling with fatigue, emotions and working 4-days. I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep working (I'm lucky to have that choice). I may have to stop, rest and find a less demanding job.
Looking at this this now, it seems that I'm describing almost the stages of grief. That's interesting...
Anyway, I hope my ramble is somewhat useful.
❤️ - Thanks @Locksley,
I work in healthcare too so I understand how you feel. I also don’t want to push myself like I used. We just need to be kind to ourselves and as you said, one foot in front of the other 🩷 - @RedRose77 I'm learning to find a new normal. I can no longer do the old normal and now I don't want to. I pushed myself for others for long time.
- Working after a cancer diagnosis changed for me. Im customer facing in health care and I can now only do a couple of days a week as well. I get very anxious at the drop of a hat. I lost my confidence and it's taking some time to get back that confidence. I just put one foot in front of the other and plod along. I sometimes get rude patients who are quite demanding and I would love to say walk a day in my shoes. Being kind costs nothing.
- @Tri thankyou, it’s so true about professional identity- such a huge part of who we are. I think I need to take a step back and stop trying to push myself back to my old normal!
- Hi @RedRose77 so sorry to hear about the roller coaster you’ve been experiencing.
Yes facing a drop in capacity is so confronting. You have voiced something I have encountered and I felt it went to the heart of my professional identity.
I’ve now come to terms with adapting commitments and expectations of myself around work.My oncologist reminds me that it’s ok to feel depleted after the 14 months of treatment, surgery and radiation therapy.
It’s been important to me to keep doing what I love but I have accepted that it’s going to need to be in a different gear. I also find that I’m best working shorter days: 4 hours max daily, rather than a 7.5 hour day. This might sound whacky but I also find if I start the day with a bit of a walk or yoga then my head works better once I start working or meetings.It sounds like you have mobilised professional support too - that’s terrific.
