Relationship damage from cancer
Has anyone experienced significant damage to their relationship from a cancer diagnosis? My partner has stayed by my side and supported me throughout my treatment, but now that I'm coming out the other end into survivorship, instead of bringing us closer together, we are in a very bad place. He resents me because he has lost a year of his life due to my diagnosis and treatment. He has a lot of anger towards me and has been pushing me away for months, and it's causing me a lot of pain and extra stress which isn't good for me. Pushing me away is his defense mechanism because he is scared he will lose me, but it feels as though has already written me off. We both very much love each other, but we aren't in a good place and I'm so hurt that he is blaming me for something that was out of my control instead of being grateful that he didn't lose me. I feel so alone and like I have to hide my fear and emotions from him because he cannot handle it. Has anyone been in a similar position and come back from it?
Work/grief/sadness
Hi all, apologies if this has already been discussed but I couldn’t find anything elsewhere. I’m 46, had a right mastectomy (Diep flap) and left reduction in early December for stage 2 invasive lobular carcinoma. My recovery went really well, no pain whatsoever. I still have another procedure to alter the flap and then have nipple tattooing but have to wait until later in the year. Started on Tamoxifen in Jan. I went back to work at the start of March and since then have felt the wheels come off a bit. I went back on reduced hours but in a different role to what I usually do (but just as busy!) 3 weeks in I was feeling overwhelmed and crying at the drop of a hat. This role was only to cover someone else and when I asked for more time on reduced hours/duties I was given yet another new role which is totally unfamiliar to me. Consequently I ended up leaving work early this morning as I was in tears. I think because my recovery went so well I hadn’t properly processed everything that had happened before (diagnosis to surgery was pretty quick). And work seems to have triggered a huge reaction that I didn’t expect. It feels like the reality of all this has hit all at once and I’m on a huge emotional rollercoaster. I am seeing a counsellor and she’s been amazing. Plus I’ve started acupuncture. I’m so used to be busy and I used to love it but at the moment, I just don’t have the capacity for it. Has anyone else had a similar experience?
Help i feel like a robot
Been on exmestane and goserelin for 3 years and 4 years respectively. Is it normal to feel emotionless? I miss (?) the emotional highs and lows of having hormones. I do feel anger and frustration and at times stressed but joy, passion, deep love seem to have left me for apathy. Since I wasnt menopausal at diagnosis i have no reference pount to understand if this is normal for menopause or is it just the drugs? I kind of feel a bit jipped. Is this what the rest of my life looks like. Sorry to be dramatic but whats the point of it all?
Insulting and Judgmental Comments
Something I was not prepared for post breast reconstruction, are the judgmental comments the scar on my belly is attracting. I have been undergoing abdominal ultrasounds to try and figure out the problems I am having with my period. The ultrasound people keep referring to the scar on my belly as a "tummy tuck". I've even been asked "why have you had a tummy tuck?" I have a lot of scars on my body. I am proud of every one of them. They are proof of all the crap I have been through with Hodgkin's lymphoma and breast cancer. None of these scars attract the same judgment and comments as the one on my belly. I have not had a tummy tuck! I had a bilateral skin sparing mastectomy and DIEP flap reconstruction! I was in surgery for 9 hours! I was in hospital for 7 days! I was off work for 10 weeks! I chose to undergo this surgery to remove breast cancer and reduce the risk of recurrence and death!!!!!! I was so SCARED going into that surgery!! This was no FUCKING tummy tuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Still feeling discombobulated!
Hi everyone, I finished treatment, nov 2018, and tried to get my life back 2019, I feel like I take 2 steps forward then 2 back, and my the end of 2019 was feeling totally deflated again, fatigued, weight gain, unfit, constant dry mouth from radiotherapy, I think. Chemo fog and a reversion back into extreme introversion. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere, and feel so on the outside of friendships, have lost contact with lots of people, well, as I do hate being the cancer woman! lots of people dropped off, and I find it so hard when I run into them, as I really can’t be bothered with small talk. Bloody cancer the gift that keeps on giving!
Anyone “sacked” their oncologist?
Hi there, I just heard a wonderful ABC radio podcast by Tim Baker, who has stage four prostate cancer. He’s an author. While it might seem to have nothing to do with breast cancer, I found much of what he says resonated so strongly with me. Firstly, like some women with breast cancer, he was put on hormone therapy which resulted in big mood swings and feeling suicidally flat. He says, like me, that he was given no warning of this by his oncologist and was just handed several sheets of paper listing possible side effects. He also says that after four years of seeing his oncologist and feeling fed up with the lack of support and empathy, he sacked him and found another. I am not at that stage but I might be one day… Is this something you have contemplated too? If so, how did you find one who did more for you?
One Year since the diagnosis feeling strong and well
Hi, today it is exactly one year since my bc diagnosis and I am a little reflective. What a ride it had been. I still remember clearly the phone call and shock, terror, nervousness, sadness etc with that news. What took place after that news was a roller-coaster ride of treatments with physical and mental and emotional impacts. In the last 12 months I have had 2 surgeries, 4 months of chemo and a month of radium and now pills. It was tough for sure but I made it through. I think I am very fortunate as I didn't have too many side effects or set backs. I was fatigued for sure and pretty emotional at times. I did my exercise which I think contributed enormously to my well being. I am grateful to my husband and son for their support. I had a couple of good friends and family too. I am grateful for the doctors and the skill and knowledge. I am also grateful for the support I received here on bcna. I would have been lost without this group at times, especially in those wee hours of the morning. Thank you! Today I feel strong. I am proud of myself for getting through this. I am grateful for my resilience and determination and courage. While I never wanted to join this group, I have made good friends and I have grown and healed in many ways. BC has given me a different life and view of the world and I am thankful for that. I have much to look forward to including various road trips, fun times with friends and family, my walks in national parks and the beach, my exercise and just everyday life. I am also going to be a first time grandmother later this year which is super exciting. I love babies. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for reading my story and being there for me.
You've got this...
I know we all have good days and we all have bad days, hell, sometimes it's good hours and bad hours, not even days. I hope this helps a little: The path maybe rocky, with many twists and turns, there’s going to be downward slopes where you’ll slip and loose control. There’ll be steep trails where you’re likely to trip and stumble, but remember, each step is a step forward. Each day brings you closer to the end. Every morning gives you another day to strive. The light at the end of the tunnel is still there, even if you loose sight of it some days. KEEP GOING, YOU’VE GOT THIS You’re loved by many, Supported by more people than you know. You’ve more strength than you can imagine. Lift your head and walk on, YOU’VE GOT THISWhat it feels like to finish treatment - the aftermath - add your experience
Hi, A few people have recently finished treatment or hit the 1 year mark. It might be helpful for others to get a glimpse of the range of experiences that people are currently and have previously had post active treatment. Im not talking symptoms but experiences, emotions and reflections. What do you think? Ill start this off. Noting the recent comments by others which i cant work out how to link ---- I feel a bit like ive been reincarnated like a baby. I have all my past experiences behind me and im a little amazed that ive completed a bunch of difficult things, like chemo, but im also blinky freshly at the world, excited, interested and joyful at experiences. On the other side of this i am a little unsure of myself and how to look after myself. Ive been proactive in getting help. Im lucky enough to have access to a dietician, exercise pysiologists and if i want psychologists. Ive had good experiences with my surgeon and oncologists. I trust my gps. None of these people, fortunately, have had cancer, their view of it is second hand. Not many people, family and friends have had cancer, thankfully, a few of them know others who have had it. Only you guys will get what i and others have experienced properly and most of us are not healthcare professionals. So ive stumbled out and thought well id better try and get myself in better shape. Im probably 20kg over my ideal weight for ideal bmi. Ive really got no idea how to do this. My old me would have tried couch to 5k or something, probably unsuccessfully. I go to a cancer service '"gym" twice a week and havent lost any weight. Last week there was a new physio and she corrected my technique and now i hurt. So how hard can you push it when you have just had cancer treatment? Noone seems to really know how long you are immune compromised for. I dont know. Should i manage myself with kid gloves or should i push hard given ive just had extreme treatments? My dietician doesnt want me to diet and suggested intuitive eating. Seems kind of reasonable except intuitively i eat for all kinds or reason other than hunger! I eat a lot more fruit than i used to and much less processed food. Overall physically, i feel quite good even on the hormone blockers. Ive been walking sort of 4km on sundays and about 2km each day weekly. During chemo sometimes i couldnt do it all and was endlessly breathless. Its a real joy to be able to walk and even if it hurts i take pleasure in it. Im kind of picking up other things in my life. Im back at work. Ive stepped back more fully into family life and looked around and went oh. There are things to do. Ive even started to climb the everest of housework. Things, priorities look different.
CanCope - an online program to help those with Cancer, cope both emotionally and physically
Woohoo!! Are you feeling down and depressed with your 'post BC body & mind'? Would you like to access a Psychologist but not able to? Monash University is running 2 programs over 12 months - for people with cancer, to help cope both mentally & physically with a cancer diagnosis & treatments. This program gives EVERYONE access to quality psychological help. Tell your friends who have had other cancers too, not only those of us with BC. There are 2 modules - Mind and Physical - and both are FREE!! Matter of fact you will even be sent some $$ for taking part! The CanCope team are a group of researchers and mental health professionals with an interest in cancer. https://cancope.weebly.com The two CanCope programs The two programs are CanCope Mind and CanCope Lifestyle. If you take part, you will allocated to one of the two programs (however, by the end, you will gain access to the content from both programs!) FAQ here: https://cancope.weebly.com/faq.html You can read reviews on the programs here: https://cancope.weebly.com/reviews.html Or you can just contact the chief psychologist directly (see email address on the 'flyer' or the 'explanation sheet', Page 1) I think this will be invaluable for many of our members who normally can't access a psychologist ...... so don't be shy - give it a go! ANYONE can do the programs, so long as their 'active treatment' has been completed. Even after this program has finished, chances are they will be replaced by other similar programs.
