The Secret Suckiness Of Life After Breast Cancer

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  • Afraser
    Afraser Member Posts: 4,392
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    Welcome back @Flaneuse, and good luck for tomorrow. 
  • Annski
    Annski Member Posts: 112
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    Hullo @Flaneuse, I've been in "off" mode too, best wishes with the new surgeon tomorrow - well today actually - thinking of you, hope to catch up soon. Gentle hug (careful with those ribs) ...
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,803
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    All the best for today @Flaneuse.  Hoping your ribs heal ... ny rib pain can be excruciating 

    take care xx
  • Brenda5
    Brenda5 Member Posts: 2,423
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    I hate clothes shopping, always have but I finally ordered some new pairs of shorts since the elastic had gone in all my others and a new pretty top. Shorts were a good fit but the top looks awful on me. My body shape has completely changed and while one missing breast was tolerable I now have a paunch that sticks out in front. It also didn't help that hubby mistook it for a see through night top. I will probably never wear it now. A beauty model I am not. I used to have a good figure. <sigh> 
  • Blossom1961
    Blossom1961 Member Posts: 2,430
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    A see through night top works Brenda! I actually wear a dress as my nightly. It is so comfy. Hubby didn’t know until I told him.
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
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    @Flaneuse! You're back, yay! I'm sorry you're still in the wars. Good grief, can ya cut a gal a break universe? I hope it all turns round quickly and that you continue onwards and upwards. Besides, I am heading your way in November and I need you fully fit for I hope, some rather diverting shenanigans! K xox
  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Member Posts: 3,374
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    @Brenda5 at least you can still wear shorts! From my ribs down I look like a series of white plastic shopping bags full of what appears to be scrambled eggs.
  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,960
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    As long as I don't look in mirrors or any other reflective surfaces, I can pretend that I still look strong & firm as I did 20 years ago!
  • melclarity
    melclarity Member Posts: 3,524
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    @kmakm We can’t see clouds changing shape or predict the new shape either. It’s too gradual for the brain’s visual system or whatever to grasp. But we become aware that change has taken place by the time it’s obviously a different cloud shape, right? I reckon this is the same with depression and grief and trauma. The brain just can’t get far enough outside itself to predict or appreciate the new reality ahead. It is stuck and trying to cope with basics! But that doesn’t mean that a new and more positive reality ISN’T possible. You just can’t see it yet. Have to take a huge leap of trust in yourself. 

    Im having a daily internal battle of I’m dead inside, Oh well there goes my life vs. Damnit I didn’t just survive this thing for nothing! I want to live! So my positivity really wavers. I never get to talk to anyone close anymore either. My friends and even mum change the subject if I talk about pain or sadness. It sucks. A lot. I just become detached and spend all my time with dogs and any distraction that gets me through the day! I do think my annoying stubborn anger at being sick is an amazing motivator, that keeps me fighting and in perspective and positive when all else fails. I am so competitive that no matter how depressed I get, the outrage of losing to it just drives me on blindly. 

    I just wanted to say that I couldnt agree more with this raw and honest response. The interesting thing is besides our commonality of Breast Cancer here, nobody knows the individual struggles or challenges of anyones lives. Nor does one diminish another. I know the depths of depression and have a child who suffers from it. Its insidious! it's also a process, depression, grief and trauma all require not positivity that's not what shifts it, but rather vulnerability and personal depth of honesty to be brave with your thoughts...to let them sit there acknowledge them and then let them go. It's a difficult road absolutely....slow and steady. I do know personally that it absolutely in time can shift and change....xx
  • Blossom1961
    Blossom1961 Member Posts: 2,430
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  • Blossom1961
    Blossom1961 Member Posts: 2,430
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    This is often also true of someone who has had cancer
  • Blossom1961
    Blossom1961 Member Posts: 2,430
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    This really should read cancer
  • Blossom1961
    Blossom1961 Member Posts: 2,430
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    Cheeky Oncologist. She asked me what side effects I was still experiencing. I finished the list with “oh yes, and those rotten hot flushes”. She laughed at me! I guess that means I just have to put up with them. 😏
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,803
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    Did she roll her eyes @Blossom1961 ??   The male Onc I had originally, did - so now am with a compassionate lovely lady!