The Secret Suckiness Of Life After Breast Cancer
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I hate clothes shopping, always have but I finally ordered some new pairs of shorts since the elastic had gone in all my others and a new pretty top. Shorts were a good fit but the top looks awful on me. My body shape has completely changed and while one missing breast was tolerable I now have a paunch that sticks out in front. It also didn't help that hubby mistook it for a see through night top. I will probably never wear it now. A beauty model I am not. I used to have a good figure. <sigh>1
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A see through night top works Brenda! I actually wear a dress as my nightly. It is so comfy. Hubby didn’t know until I told him.2
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@Flaneuse! You're back, yay! I'm sorry you're still in the wars. Good grief, can ya cut a gal a break universe? I hope it all turns round quickly and that you continue onwards and upwards. Besides, I am heading your way in November and I need you fully fit for I hope, some rather diverting shenanigans! K xox
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As long as I don't look in mirrors or any other reflective surfaces, I can pretend that I still look strong & firm as I did 20 years ago!1
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I just wanted to say that I couldnt agree more with this raw and honest response. The interesting thing is besides our commonality of Breast Cancer here, nobody knows the individual struggles or challenges of anyones lives. Nor does one diminish another. I know the depths of depression and have a child who suffers from it. Its insidious! it's also a process, depression, grief and trauma all require not positivity that's not what shifts it, but rather vulnerability and personal depth of honesty to be brave with your thoughts...to let them sit there acknowledge them and then let them go. It's a difficult road absolutely....slow and steady. I do know personally that it absolutely in time can shift and change....xxSummer Prevails said:@kmakm We can’t see clouds changing shape or predict the new shape either. It’s too gradual for the brain’s visual system or whatever to grasp. But we become aware that change has taken place by the time it’s obviously a different cloud shape, right? I reckon this is the same with depression and grief and trauma. The brain just can’t get far enough outside itself to predict or appreciate the new reality ahead. It is stuck and trying to cope with basics! But that doesn’t mean that a new and more positive reality ISN’T possible. You just can’t see it yet. Have to take a huge leap of trust in yourself.
Im having a daily internal battle of I’m dead inside, Oh well there goes my life vs. Damnit I didn’t just survive this thing for nothing! I want to live! So my positivity really wavers. I never get to talk to anyone close anymore either. My friends and even mum change the subject if I talk about pain or sadness. It sucks. A lot. I just become detached and spend all my time with dogs and any distraction that gets me through the day! I do think my annoying stubborn anger at being sick is an amazing motivator, that keeps me fighting and in perspective and positive when all else fails. I am so competitive that no matter how depressed I get, the outrage of losing to it just drives me on blindly.3 -
Hello All,
I just read the above comment and I too have to agree , while we all share BC which is bad enough , our own individual family trouble, struggles are only ours to deal access and address .
I had a wonderful moment yesterday , my eldest son had his University graduation , I cried, not only because I was proud but because I was alive to see it happen, his professor was sitting next to me , thought I was a total nutcase, pity I couldn't tell him that I have Mets , my youngest understood , but now doesn't want to attend his ceremony , so I don't get sad.
So I picked myself up and pretend all is ok , I guess our lives became a mirror, we show people the reflection but not the substance and yes the rest of the family , doesn't want to hear when I'm in pain or down , only the good stuff.
@kmakm , my dog and cat have became my most loyal companions, so much better than people , I understand the "dead inside bit too" it's just sometimes to difficult and takes to much effort to care , then the "not going to beat me " rolls in and you go another round , until the next moment that you cant do something that 12 months ago you did with your eyes closed.
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This is often also true of someone who has had cancer
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This really should read cancer
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Cheeky Oncologist. She asked me what side effects I was still experiencing. I finished the list with “oh yes, and those rotten hot flushes”. She laughed at me! I guess that means I just have to put up with them. 😏1
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Did she roll her eyes @Blossom1961 ?? The male Onc I had originally, did - so now am with a compassionate lovely lady!
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