The Secret Suckiness Of Life After Breast Cancer
Comments
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@Sister Chemo made me into a cleanliness fanatic, but I had no energy so it was very frustrating. My family laughed at me and called it my nesting instinct. I just wanted my house clean! And the car, and the garden, and my work office, and the garage.0
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@Summer Prevails I have definitely sensed the judgement too, maybe I’m just sensitive, but it’s turned into a sort of ‘survivor guilt’. I was diagnosed mets de novo mets 4 years ago. Everyone expected me to die (not that they said it to my face mind you) but here I still am … and I look (and appearances can certainly be deceiving!!) remarkably well. So people constantly tell me stories about people they know, or know of, who had similar health issues and died. And it feels sort of accusatory (if that’s even a word). I feel like they’re really saying ‘Why are you not dead?’ ‘What makes you so special that you’re still here and [name] is gone?’. And I don’t know why. Even the doctors and oncologists I’ve seen are puzzled and just keep saying I’m a statistical outlier. And I should feel happy. But actually I feel really guilty. I’m not special. I’m just an average person with no particular gifts. I won’t change the world or achieve great things. I feel like I don’t deserve to have good days or be well. I also wonder if people think maybe I lied or exaggerated my condition. I guess we can’t win 😖
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Dear @StarGirl
I suspect you may have given up, or had to give up, a number of things but guilt is something you might now give up without a single pang. In my book, guilt is entirely the province of those who have done something truly bad and even then is slightly pointless - repentance or restitution may be more useful. Surviving cancer - for however long - deserves acclaim for resilience and optimism. Most of us will never change the world, few people do. Enjoy your good days and wellbeing with a vengeance, far too few people in robust health do and you will be making up for all of them, if that makes you feel better! Other people's opinions can stay with them, they need not affect you. Be happy, all of humankind needs more of it!9 -
@stargirl the one big takeaway my long suffering shrink, generally referred to as That Poor Woman, gave me was the instruction, when faced with the generally perplexing, that I should push my thoughts toward 'Isn't that interesting?'
It's a very sensible approach which can absolve you of pointless guilt. Surviving against the odds and being a statistical anomaly? Isn't that interesting? It really is. Suffering every possible side effect and blighted by unexpected difficulty? That's really interesting too. There is no fault attached to either circumstance. If I'm having a good day I can even employ the strategy when faced with some mindless, spiteful and ill equipped door bitch. 'Wow honey, look at that, you are a complete fuckwit and, today, you have a job. Isn't that interesting?'11 -
StarGirl - I'm also a 'statistical outlier' and that's part of who I am. I also knit, crochet, embroider, must have my tea in fine bone china, if people make annoying or unwelcome, unsolicited comments I sometimes feel annoyance or anger and at other times just let it be. Thing is, so many comments come from those who have not had the actual experience of diagnosis, waiting for results, being 'invaded' by procedures or having their vitality severely diminished by the side effects of strong drugs. I don't think I'm interesting except to a medical statistician. I agree with Afraser, an opinion is just that, an opinion and I will be my own gatekeeper and select those that I deem positive for me, if not I watch them dissolve into nothing - not solicited? Then shut up! Such things can strike a chord on a 'not so good day' but I'm the one in control of my reactions and/or responses. I was dealt the 'C' hand and like any card player, will play my hand my way.
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Yes, yes and yes. What a mess after chemo, they don't tell you about. I'm struggling with AI's. I can count up to ten the 'reasons' why cancer stalked me - maybe burnt toast was the problem. Not the hormone thing, really thinking about quality of life not quantity.
I can't play golf which is my life ATM with grandkids as well. Too many joint problems, so I'm going off the tablets for better quality of life. It's a better choice for me. I want an active life now not in ten years time when physically I can't.
Humph. A bit down today. Love to all J
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They don't do they @Harvey1903. I remember my BS banging on about the wonder drug qualities of the endocrine therapies. He even said there was an argument that they could be given to every woman in the country as a preventive measure. Are you effing kidding me??
But how could they? Say "We're going to do our best to get rid of your cancer with gruelling treatment. When that's finished we're going to put you on a drug that for more than a few people makes them feel absolute rubbish. And you're going to be on that drug for up to a decade..."? Never going to happen.
I know how much you love your golf. You have to make the right decision for you. Big hug, K xox1 -
Thanks Kate. Xx0
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This insipid disease just bloody keeps giving. You are so right @kmakm about the endocrine therapies they are just gruelling and for me it's just for 1 % but I still would be too worried about giving them up. I totally understand why some people choose to to do just that with the debilitating affects it has on the quality of life. Hopefully you will be able to get out there on the Golf Course again @Harvey1903 and good on you for making the right decision for you.
Today was meltdown day for me at work. ( only been back a few weeks for 2 mornings a week ) But with no sleep and feeling totally exhausted.( thanks femara ) I arrived and that was it. A big blubbering mess which is so not me and not a pretty sight. I think I managed to equally upset a few work colleagues who are so used to seeing the strong capable person I was before instead of the person who wonders am I ever going to be able to even do this job again. Needless to say they sent me packing and I came home and slept for 4 hours on the couch. Thankfully I got out of the big black hole this afternoon and in a better frame. I remembered the post on here about TAD
( sorry can't remember who posted it ) . Things could be worse. Accept the things you cannot change. Do not live your life in fear. So true. xo3 -
So. Permanent cording but I still have almost full range of movement. Can be operated on, hah, not likely. Doesn’t hurt, just feels tight. Thinking I might go visit a Chinese herbalist acupuncturist once I finish up with all my treatments. I am not overly bothered by it. Just another thing.0
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@Blossom1961 try the acupuncture I’m getting some great results with mine in terms of pain relief from my sore knee and hip. I’m still having herceptin along with armidex and it helps so much0
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@Sarnicad @Blossom1961 My mum today said she'd shout me some acupuncture. Really hoping it helps the joint pain and the hot flushes.2
