The Secret Suckiness Of Life After Breast Cancer
Comments
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I’m only at the start of my BC journey but I know exactly what you are talking about as I’ve got a complex medical history that started in my 20’s with a benign brain tumour. It left me with no hearing nor balance in one ear plus a slight weakness on that side.
After years of wanting the ‘old me’ back, I’ve decided that everyone’s definition of ‘normal’ is personal. I now have a new ‘normal’ which I have had to accept & learn how to manage. I do get tired more easily than people who are nor partially deaf & my balance does get worse when tired, unwell etc.
A friend had to have spinal surgery which left him with difficulty walking as his feet weren’t stepping where he felt they should be. He was very frustrated until I explained that he now had a new ‘normal’ & had to get used to the different feelings in order to control them. It helped him a lot when he looked at it from a different perspective.
Every time I think that the health nightmares are behind me, something new emerges, the latest being BC & my first time re chemo & radiation. I’m really tired of the struggle & fight to have a simple, easy, heathy & happy life. However, the alternative just isn’t appealing. I just need to ride this nightmare out & focus on coming through the other end. Stage one being surgery is complete. Stage two being chemo is about to start ....
I also made a conscious decision a few years ago, to only mix with nice people who didn’t try to drag me down nor use me. That has helped a lot. I’m also in a new relationship and he is very supportive which really helps as my immediate family are too self centred apart from a few cousins. Oh, I also have anxiety & depression which I’m sure many of us facing these challenges would probably also have.
We are all special & strong in our own ways, even when we don’t feel that we are. We may not get back to our exact same selfs, but the new us can still have new adventures & do fun things.8 -
Well said @Scaredycat - you have had more challenges than a lot of us, but remain strong, surround yourself with supportive, caring people & help others who are in need (your buddy with the spinal surgery.) I am glad you have a supportive partner as well - shame about the family - but sadly, it has happened to quite a few.
All the best with your ongoing chemo treatment xxx Do you know about the Otis Foundation? People who have unused Holiday Homes make them available to Breast Cancer people - all round Australia - tho most are on the east coast states. There is no cost to you other than getting there and taking your food and drinks. I am going to Thredbo with my husband & 2 brothers & their partners at the end of the month. It will be something for you to look forward to after your active treatment xx
https://www.otisfoundation.org.au
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@Scaredycat I seem to have been one of the few who didn't lose friends through cancer. My friends were marvellous through my treatment. I'm glad you're surrounded by good and loving people. K xox0
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Thanks arpie, I have looked at the Otis foundation. It looks great. Everything has been moving so fast though, I think it would be better to take the holiday after my treatment.
Please let us know how your holiday in Thredbo goes?1 -
@kmakm, the brain tumour was an eye opener re who are real friends etc.
I’ve also learnt that there are two main types of people, those who (often persistently) tell us what they think we should be doing without trying to understand us & the others who actually & genuinely ask how they can help.
There aren’t that many people who actually ask anyone ‘how can they help’. I find people are often a bit stunned/taken aback when I’ve asked that as obviously it’s not something that they are used to.1 -
At the beginning of 2017 (I was 51), I decided to end my marriage. There was money, security, a beautiful house, a great social life, but there was no love, it was just so empty. My children had finished school, so this was my opportunity to live the life that I wanted. I knew then how short life could be. I lost my mother when I was 16 and my father at 24. In 2018, I bought a place in St Kilda and my world came crashing down with a diagnoses of severe depression. Like BC if you haven’t experienced it, you have no bloody idea. So once my GP (brilliant man) found the right meds, life turned around and the sun started shining again (will always be on meds). Two days before Xmas 2018, needed a D & C, and gyno (another brilliant man) threw in a CT of my torso just for good measure and low and behold a thickening in my left boob. Xmas eve breast cancer, 7th Jan started chemo.
I don’t know what to make of life now - as my BS says “Amanda, just try and stay in the day” - for the spiritual- try to be present, try to be conscious. So hard sometimes!!.
I had visions of travel, re- partnering, cooking, gardening, spending time on getting to know the real me again. I lack energy and inclination, but I put a smile on my face and keep going and sort out problems at work (all of which are first world “we have no almond milk ......”. How I would love to turn around and say “I won’t have a boob in 4months”, but I don’t ......... I still have a long way to go, like so many of us. Xx4 -
As I’m still having herceptin (3 or 4 to go) I’m not quite after BC but many of your thoughts resonate with me. I struggle with the idea that I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop, that I won’t really be “cured” at the end of all this gruelling treatment, that I’m not done with scans, tests and other, that they will be with me forever, that there is never going to be a day where I can forget about this shitty disease. Any time I think about another biopsy I cry because they never seem to give me enough local in the relevant areas and both have hurt like all stink.
Im back at work, going like a mad woman - somehow managed to work 71.5 hours in 8 days when I’m only meant to work 72 in 9 work helps me feel normal but should I be doing so much is this what got me into trouble in the first place? More unknown answers to incomplete questions!
I resent not having outside support, haven’t found a bc support group, have only seen reconstruction groups and I (my words) only had a lumpectomy- mind you they took a fair divet, but not a full lopping so often feel like a fraud amongst those who have had worse treatment or diagnosis
id be able to retire if I had a $ for every time someone told me how well I look when I actually feel shit - today I’d have made $5 alone
reading all this I guess it is time for another visit to the head shrinker2 -
Big hug @Amanda_StKilda. My life's been comprehensively derailed by BC. My sister's, and then my own, and depression has set down deep roots. It's all different from yours but I suspect the end result is the same. I don't recognise myself, I don't recognise my life, and what I'd hoped for can no longer be. As @Summer Prevails said, let's hope we can let go of the sadness and make space for a new person to emerge. K xox1
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You're doing it tough just now, @Amanda_StKilda - big hugs coming your way. Take one day at a time, do as much as you can to stay as fit & well as you can xxx You can do this xx2
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@KarynJ & @Dawnc .... here is the Beauty sessions for those with BC (thanks to @sandramj'a post today)
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/20759/f-r-e-e-make-over-pamper-day-for-people-with-cancer-chronic-illness#latest
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Not sure why but it seems that you can only have had bc if you don't work. (In other words, not many after-services for those of us who are otherwise occupied during the weekdays.)1
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Absolutely ladies. I wanted to join the local Strive to Thrive group which is health and exercise for post cancer patients. I had to commit to two weekdays for twelve weeks. Just isn’t possible. Nights would have been ideal.0
