The New Me.

I was so looking forward to a works Christmas Party this weekend to catch up with people I hadn't seen for a quite a while as well as friends who have been there for me since the beginning of this shitty BC journey. I got the old glad rags on ready for a fun night but once having got there I just felt I didn't belong. Like some sort of out of body experience when you are there but not there?? It was lovely to see people but I couldn't muster up one ounce of fun or enjoyment for the evening when everyone else was so obviously enjoying themselves. With the realisation all I wanted to do was go home I left early with plenty of tears driving home thinking what the hell is wrong with me. I know in my heart it will get better, I guess it was just one of those moments when you want your old life back and some sense of normality.
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I too would like my old life back. I know it is not to be, but gee I still hanker for it.
I haven't yet adjusted to the new me. Maybe I never will.
@Blossom1961
Thankyou for normalizing my feelings regarding telephone calls from family members. I am so "over it" with being lectured to by my older sister and brother. Join the club, brother and sister, then you can tell me what to do.
Today I realised what the new me means. Decided that we would go to Broome for a spot of shopping. 440 kms round trip. 2 years ago not a problem. Home now and "stuffed".
How on earth I managed driving to Broome and then flying to Perth for treatment and then back home every couple of weeks has me wondering.
I must have been tougher than I thought or I just worked on autopilot to get through treatment.
I think initially chit chat small talk is so hard. We've been on an incredible ride and the little things that bother people seem so trivial against it. The art of small talk takes practise too. It's a skill you will quickly re-learn again. Kath x
Take care
We are going to a dinner on Sat - and I am also not really looking forward to it. Tho i shall get thru it. I've become a real home body!
I am with you, @Annie C - where is my 'old self'? I could drive all day too - tho I must admit in recent years to preferring only 4-5hrs a day now, not 8-10 as in the old days! Yep - you were on Auto Pilot - cos it had to be done.
You wouldn't want to be a fly on the wall when those bloody nuisance calls come in ..... I am getting very short & sharp with them these days ....... F Off!
Take care everyone - specially if out driving over this silly season!! xxx
Yes @iserbrown a total disconnect.
Fact is we can say it as it is here as everyone can relate. I think Saturday night was a greater realisation for me of how I've moved on in a different direction and it just hit the right nerve.
Not sure of the reason - I just got the miseries!
Maybe we need a whole new thread for best comebacks for the "How are you?" question!! Maybe ''Surviving! How about you?''
Actually, on a lighter note, I think there must be a scrap of the old me left. I was at the pool shop the other day, buying floaty toy things for the grandchildren because my son has just built a new status symbol pool to rival those of his in-laws (!!!). Two guys about my age were at the counter, with a pile of serious technical pool stuff, discussing it with the salesman. One guy said, "I dunno. I'm just paying. He's the guru." I looked at the other guy and said, "Geez, if you're a guru, you can come home with me." They looked stunned. That's a bit of the old me.
Totally get the Genie rub ( hate it ).
Just hate the inability to put up with first world country issues, you know eg " my latte didn't have skim milk " .
or relies wanting to get together for brunch , dinner etc at fancy places 2 minutes from them but an hour and half from me.
(people not working , not driving ......., pillow in front of chest for seat belt ........)
RRRGGGHHH