The New Me.
Comments
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@Vallerina ... Double that, O M bloody G!! @iserbrown I don’t think I could have persevered with THAT friendship.
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Oh well I was in it and understood her warts and all but a crisis brings out the true person and she is not one that I would've wanted in the trenches if this was WW1 or 2 era!2
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Different things sort friends out, don't they? My best female friend for a couple of decades was diagnosed while I was working in Europe and I offered to come home. She refused, but I offered as much emotional support as possible from a distance. She had previously visited me twice in Europe and we'd travelled together quite a bit. She had a lumpectomy and made an energetic, engaged life afterwards. She's never been a person who shows emotion or discusses emotions. If anyone has a problem she wants to provide a solution immediately and tends to be quite bossy. When I finally came home after working in Europe for nearly eight years, we were close; she helped me settle into my new house. Then a huge problem arose for me because my ex-husband was dying and I was under a lot of pressure from his family and a couple of his friends - no need for details; but it was a horrendously stressful time. I was experiencing counter-culture shock anyway, and was suddenly under extraordinary financial and emotional pressure. I fell apart and expressed my distress. She couldn't deal with a "me" who wasn't my usual rational, strong, coping person. She distanced herself gradually. I told her I needed her friendship and she was off-handed. I made a couple more overtures but gave up in the end, very sadly. We've not been in touch for a few years.1
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What a so and so! But that's how it unfolded
separate the wheat from the chaff
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Thanks @arpie and @iserbrown.1
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@Elizebeth I have absolutely no tolerance for whinging about inconsequential things anymore. I do work with animals but unfortunately those animals have owners and some of them can be very intense and draining.
I was surprised how people reacted when I got diagnosed. People I thought were good friends didn’t get in touch at all - just “liked” my social media posts and some acquaintances were checking in constantly.0 -
Thank you, @kmakm and @kitkatb. I'm sure it's been said elsewhere on this forum often that the bc experience really achieves the friend-sifting. For me with that friend, it came earlier and for another reason. But with bc, I'm so grateful for the friends who have clung to me over the past 14 months and propped me up continuously. My best male friend - in fact I describe him now as my best friend - (32 yrs) and his wife have been amazing: meals, lifts, daily phone calls and texts to check on me during chemo, hospital visits, shopping, books, videos, etc. seems to have been particularly solicitous throughout. It occurred to me a few months ago that he might be afraid that I'll die, because another male friend to whom he was very close - they'd collaborated for years on projects - died of pancreatic cancer a few years ago after having all the treatments, and it was devastating for him. It's rather sweet to think that he might fear losing me.
In June this year it will be 30 years since I chose to leave a 24-y/o marriage. After 10 yrs I had a party to celebrate 10 yrs of singledom and thank the friends who'd stood by me during that process of creating a new life for myself; and I hope to muster the energy to do it again to celebrate the 30.
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It does seem bizarre, doesn't it. I've been fortunate that nearly all of my close friends have been supportive. The only one who hasn't been is part of the group because of history and has issues that we have all recognised for many years - she has to invent melodrama to make herself the centre of attention at all times. She's taken off in a huff from everyone, not just me, and none of us have the energy any more to try to talk her around.1
