The New Me.



  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
    edited December 2018
    @AllyJay Yes, "you're a long time looking at the lid" is one of mine! I like your adaptation, might use that myself!

    @Flaneuse I use "Upright" quite a lot, with say shopkeepers who know me and what I've been through. It usually gets a wry chuckle. It's non-committal and humorous so helps im a polite way if you don't want to engage.

    Love your guru comment!

    I think @Zoffiel's the woman for the job of the perfect comeback to "So now that you've finished chemo and radiation you can get back to normal"...!

    @Silba I'll never forget the day I went to my youngest's swimming day at school, the first time appearing with no hair. Seriously, everybody was rubbing my arm. Teachers, other parents, people I hardly knew. It spread like wildfire. They must have all seen someone else do it and subconsciously mimicked each other. It went on for almos two hours. I started to get the giggles in the end! I didn't really mind, but when people you've known for 16 years, who've never touched you, do it, it's just bonkers! It's when strangers do it that really gets my goat. Like touching your belly when you're pregnant...  :#
  • Beryl C.
    Beryl C. Member Posts: 270
    I think a BC diagnosis changes us to the core! I laughed at 'first world issues' eg, 'I wanted a skinny Latte!' My wicked reply to those slightly condescending questions goes like this, 'Well, I woke up this morning and I was still breathing!' However, I remind myself that such questions come from love and concern with a sprinkling of fear and/or helplessness. The arm touching does my head in, I learned to respond by taking the hand that was doing the touching - made it less condescending somehow and after a few seconds I would let go. Problem solved. An aversion to the questions and touching is not being precious - we deal with invasive procedures, take strong drugs and have regular visits to our oncologists and doctors. I can only do this my way.
  • kezmusc
    kezmusc Member Posts: 1,544
    Disconnect is definitely a good description.  I never felt like an outsider but there is this weird kind of feeling at the beginning that you are changed and nobody can really understand. An imposter in your own body and world if that makes any sense. It really will get better the further on you get down the track.

    At the beginning  I would put a ban on BC talk at any social event.  That went for myself and any guests. I would accept the how are you doing question and answer "getting there, but I really don't want to talk about it tonight".

    I actually longed for the normality of social life.  If I could just have those few hours of fun and laughter without over thinking anything it kept me going.

    First world problems used to piss me off also. I think that is quite normal given what we have been through.  I would hear people talking about how "fat" they were (they weren't) in their new dress, how the hair colour wasn't quite what they expected from the hair dresser, how terrible that photo of them on facebook was. etc etc.  I am able to tolerate it quite well now up to a point.

    If it really starts to tick you off the line is  "Gee that's terrible. Well at least nobody's got cancer right?"  You will get instant crickets and they will disperse rather quickly and slink off.  

    Nobody ever touched me or rubbed my arm, but I guess that's because I get a pretty good "don't even F$%#&ng think about talking to me"  look on my face.  You can practice that with the people that sit outside of woolies every day looking for donations. LOL.

    I love the "Gee your looking great".  Standard response.  Thanks. Why did I look like crap before cancer?

    I find sarcasm is always a good option. 

     Hope you feel better soon @kitkatb


  • Milly21
    Milly21 Member Posts: 118
    Good description,changed and nobody understands,that’s how I felt and still sometimes feel. I’m pretty intolerant of people’s whinging about 1st world problems. It really puts things in perspective.
  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Member Posts: 5,511

    arpie said:

    It was my GP who brought me undone last week with the 'How are YOU' comment, just as I was about to leave ..... I just started bawling & couldn't stop - even when I got home!  I was FINE up till then.

    Not sure of the reason - I just got the miseries!  :(   Maybe it was because we were discussing my husband's dementia - and had just heard he can't take the medication that could 'slow it down' as he has an abnormal heart beat rhythm & the medication can make it worse?  Yep, that was probably it

    Oh crumbs and double crumbs. @arpie heart goes out to you. Hope things get sorted for your hubby's well being 
    Take care 
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,453
    Thank you @iserbrown  ..... It really was a bummer to hear that!!   I thought he wasn't able to 'have it' because he wasn't 'bad enough yet' which seemed really stupid to me.   So that was a bit upsetting to hear.   I need to do some research re some other dementia meds that hopefully won't impact his heart beat .... fingers crossed.

    But Dammit .... An unexpected recall today for a biopsy on a 'mass' found near my surgery site that hadn't shown  on the July Mammogram & Ultrasound (following my Ultrasound on Nov 22) has thrown a bloody spanner in the works tho!   :(   I am currently trying to organise an appointment sooner than later at Port Macquarie for the biopsy - but being rural - it can be a while to get the appt & then a wait for the pathology yet AGAIN ....!)   :(    

    Whilst I know that it is just a precautionary thing - and usually benign, they can not to be overlooked, as some are cancerous .... Hypoechoic fat necrosis ..... irregular ill-defined mass ...  :(
  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Member Posts: 5,511
    Far out there's always something
    Please be comforted to know thinking of you and hoping it's a cautious call up only
  • Flaneuse
    Flaneuse Member Posts: 899
    @arpie What a rough time you're having - slings & arrows from all directions. Strength to you. Fran
  • kitkatb
    kitkatb Member Posts: 442
    Cripes  @arpie,   That's all you need these added stresses.  Thinking of you and hope all okay with hubby as well. Got all my fingers and toes crossed for you.  Big hugs to you.   katie xox
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
    @arpie Bloody hell R! Just what you DON'T need at this juncture. All my bits are crossed that it's nothing. Biggest of bear hugs, K xox
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,453
    Many Thanks for your support ladies - I appreciate it ..... I am feeling a tad better about it than 4pm this arvo!  :(  

    Just hope I can hold it together tomorrow at the uke gig & on the Thurs one & again Sun & many days next week!  :(   We had 2 today, playing at 2 x Old Folks Homes - they really loved it!  

    Hopefully I can schedule the biopsy between the gigs as I have a few free days available (Rad Onc said it could be anytime in the next week or two) - and also have a couple of afternoons free  (and that gives me time to get up there, too.)  I would love to see the Rad Onc asap after .... but will have to wait for the results first - it took 10 days  last time after the biopsy between Xmas & New Year after Public Holidays - results not til Jan 5th!  :(  

    Yet another Xmas & possible New Year stuffed!!  FUCK IT!  (Excuse the French!)

    Funny tale - hubby dropped me off for a kayak fish the other day & then turned up to the wrong spot to pick me up - he took a while to find me - and hadn't taken the phone (as I'd suggested - cos I thought it may happen!  Silly boy!)   :(  Sadly, It seems par for the course now - it has happened before but I hadn't put it down to his dementia!  Will have to organise a map & notes on how to find me, methinks!!
  • Kiwi Angel
    Kiwi Angel Member Posts: 1,952
    @arpie thinking of u and sending huge hugs xoxoox
  • tigerbeth
    tigerbeth Member Posts: 539
    Oh @arpie what a pain in the a...
    know how you feel ! The waiting sucks ! 
    Fingers crossed for you !
    There is a product called Souvanade you can buy at a chemist or order direct from the company that is supposed to help dementia patients 
    you drink it every day 
    my dad had  it , I think it may have helped a bit ! 
    Thinking of you xx
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
    And thinking of you too today @tigerbeth. May it all be nothing. K xox