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Friends say the dumbest things

Cath62Cath62 Brisbane Member Posts: 81
edited May 22 in General discussion
I have chosen to tell a select few friends for support but now  wondering about a couple of those. I guess time will tell who is who on this with me. I was feeling emotional 3 days after surgery and phoned a friend. 

After asking how I was and me explaining how confronting it all was this friend said 2 things:
1. Join a support group and
2. You're not the first to go through this and you won't be the last.

Seems harsh to me. It did stop me in my  tracks and I did stop being emotional probably because I couldn't believe she said this.  It certainly has made me very careful what I say in future to her and less inclined to share. I have friends who would never be harsh like that and acknowledge/validate my emotions which is great but this person clearly is not one of them. How does everyone deal with people who basically tell you to get on with it?


  • Cath62Cath62 Brisbane Member Posts: 81
    @Afraser thank you. I think you are probably right. I just wasn't prepared for her response. 
  • Cath62Cath62 Brisbane Member Posts: 81
    Thank you  @Jwrenn and  @Dory65. I am thankful you are all here. I think you all are just what i need. 
  • LocksleyLocksley Macedon Ranges, VictoriaMember Posts: 174
    Hi @Cath62, yes you have joined a support group here.  Here if you need me.   I have my surgery for mastectomy tomorrow so it may be a couple of days before I get to reply to you. Sending Hugs xxx 
  • Cath62Cath62 Brisbane Member Posts: 81
    Hi @Locksley fancy you replying to me when you are having surgery tomorrow. I will send my positive juju 🙂 to you for a speedy recovery from surgery. Wishing you the very best. Hugs x
  • Cath62Cath62 Brisbane Member Posts: 81
    Thank you @Shellshocked2018_. Your amazing!
  • StarGirlStarGirl Member Posts: 105
    edited May 19
    I completely understand where you’re coming from @Cath62. When I was diagnosed with stage 4 denovo HER2+ bc, my mother told me my problem was that I didn’t have enough to do. I was 40 years old, with a 2 year old and a 4 year old and working full time. Thanks Mum. Super helpful. Then she didn’t speak to me for 3 days. Then when I saw her her and said I had liver Mets, she actually opened a bottle of champagne said that’s good, better than in your bones and expected me to celebrate with her. I have never spoken to her about it again. 
  • Dory65Dory65 Member Posts: 223
    That's so disappointing, Stargirl. Especially from a parent. I too have found my elderly father's unconcerned reaction hurtful. It's as if he's forgotten I'm his child and forty years his junior. Facing mortality in old age doesn't equate to facing it prematurely. My siblings have been absent, apart from the occasional phone call. One friend just looks at me blankly and says nothing if I attempt to talk about BC issues. Another, thankfully has really stepped up. I don't really blame people for not knowing what to say or do. I even have that reaction myself when reading this forum, when I can't offer help.
  • Cath62Cath62 Brisbane Member Posts: 81
    @StarGirl that is horrible. 

    I guess @Dory65 we are really on our own in one way. Can we really expect anyone to understand fully.  I feel lucky I have a good husband. My son is good too. I am will see how the friend thing unfolds as my treatment progresses. 
  • Dory65Dory65 Member Posts: 223
    Yes, Cath62, it is a bit lonely at times. Very glad to hear your husband and son are close and switched on. I'm not married. My young adult son has been an absolute brick, though, and this BC experience has made me realise his best qualities and stop sweating the small stuff (a bit). All the best. x
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