BCNA Online Network
Friends say the dumbest things
Adelaide Hills, SA
I've had some pretty woeful things said to me by people who just don't think. I'm also been belittled by someone with bc for wallowing around in misery by being on this forum. Stupid statements do not come from non-cancer folk, only. There have been times that friends have said something that grates a bit but if it's wrong, I know that it's not coming from a bad place and I can call it out or just let it go. One of the first texts I got after diagnosis was from a good friend of nearly 40 years and said "But we're supposed to grow old together". My thoughts at the time were that she thought that we weren't and it hurt but I knew she was hurting too as we had lost another friend to this. I now realise, that her words were really saying that she wants us to grow old together. We all get the words wrong sometimes and we are all able to take things the wrong way depending on our state of mind at the time. Don't hang around with poison but don't go looking for it, either.
. Yes my friends and family are probably hurting more than me. It is scary for them and I realise they just want the best for me. This network is a great leveling really and I think it important that all feelings are checked and moderated by ourselves and others too.
when I was first diagnosed July 31st ‘19 my friends were supportive, but I think originally didn’t know what to say to help me. They were encouraging but I think worried about saying the wrong thing. It wasn’t until I brought the walls down & actually helped them to relax around me. After all the tears & sinking in of what we faced a head we decided it was time to be positive, & start smiling again. My husband who’s bald said to me, that if I did lose my hair he’d shave his off 😂 he did get a slap but it made me smile. We were out with our group of friends & I told them what he had said, which they all laughed from then on they knew I would have my good & bad days but they could speak to me about it either way. I started using the cold cap & I did have 1 friend say at least if you do lose your hair it will grow back! Hmmm! That’s the only1 none helpful comment I had. Another friend pulled her up on it. She ended up apologising & was one of my amazing support network. I think it helps for you to tear barriers down, that helped me & I found then nobody avoided me or talking to me & all asked how I was going. I had magazines, flowers, chocolates, home cooked meals for the family. I feel overwhelmed with the support I had.
take care x
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