The Secret Suckiness Of Life After Breast Cancer

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  • Kiwi Angel
    Kiwi Angel Member Posts: 1,952
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    I happy to be alive but hate that I’m broken and that the most basic things (like sleep) that I used to take for granted are now a daily struggle. I also hate that people think I’m fine now and can just carry on as normal. That is prompting me to potentially look at a career change. 

    Morning whinge over!!  Like I said in Night Howls - tired and grumpy. 
  • Blossom1961
    Blossom1961 Member Posts: 2,411
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    I hear you kiwi angel. Big hugs
  • Kiwi Angel
    Kiwi Angel Member Posts: 1,952
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    @Blossom1961 big hugs right back xo
  • StarGirl
    StarGirl Member Posts: 135
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    She totally nailed it. I am still struggling to accept that ‘before’ me is gone . . . Forever
  • ~Millie~
    ~Millie~ Member Posts: 61
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    yep, hugs to everyone xxx
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
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    Oh lordy, me too @StarGirl. I can't get any part of my psyche round the fact that I'll never go back to 'normal'.
  • Annie C
    Annie C Member Posts: 850
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    Normal?

    Well no one's normal up here, but gees I would like to go back to the abnormal I was before!


  • Blossom1961
    Blossom1961 Member Posts: 2,411
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    @Zoffiel I have gone to ground this afternoon. Not sure why, just leave me alone.
  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Member Posts: 3,374
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    I guess we can be grateful for the chance to opt out every now and then @sister. Small compensation for having to drag our ragged arses through endless days when we have no choice but to perform. I'm wagging work this arvo  too. I got heaps done between 3 am and 10 then a bit more after yoga.  If I submit it in an hour or so it will look like I've done a 'normal' days work instead of keeping mad fucking witch hours. The joys of having a home office.
  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Member Posts: 3,374
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    The secret suckiness of your body not understanding what your brain wants it to do. 
    Sorry for yet another yoga story, but that practice is my safe testing ground; if I topple over on my mat it's not the same problem as me falling while bush walking or doing other unfrogiving stuff..
    I can not make my legs obey orders like rise from a knee lunge to my toes. I seem to have lost all my 'spring'. I can walk up and down stairs that are a regular height, but if I have to push up over 600mm, it's knuckles on the ground and clumsy bum bumps before i get my feet back under myself. Now I've 'forgotten' how to do push ups. I could comfortably do dozen twelve months ago. Now my brain is not sending the right instructions. Maddening when I can bench press close to my body weight.
  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,960
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    I have to think about standing up rather than just doing it and it pisses me off!  And getting up from a crouch - well that's just a joke.
  • Kiwi Angel
    Kiwi Angel Member Posts: 1,952
    edited February 2019
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    @Zoffiel @Sister I’m the same as u with the whole lunge strength thing with my thighs. God forbid if I crouch down - normally I have to grab something to help me up. When we do lunges in Pilates I’m scared to stretch too far as I don’t know if I’ll get back up!!