Recovery Emotions
Comments
-
@kmakm I know what u mean about looking back at the “old” u. I keep thinking about this time last year and the lump was nothing but a aesthetic concern as I had been previously told it was nothing. I didn’t have a care in the world and my biggest concern was dreading the Xmas work period. I would love to have that “me” back. I’m slowly getting there emotionally and will decide if I want to even myself out physically next year. I do have a new appreciation for not taking the people on my life for granted and not swearing the small stuff anymore that’s for sure! Big hugs to u all that are having rough days xoxo1
-
I have to give up the story of who I was. I'm not her anymore. I have to to come to terms with that and write a new story.
It certainly changes your outlook on a lot of things @Kiwi Angel. I have to work on it not making me bitter. I don't mean about everything, just within and about myself. I feel softer about the world, just not myself.1 -
I can so relate to thatkmakm said:I feel softer about the world, just not myself.0 -
Different strokes, hey? I feel generally pissed off with the world...and fed up with myself.1
-
@kmakm - sorry taken so long to reply - just had second chemo, so not doing too much. Lunch sounds lovely, maybe one day I'll get there. Hubby usually takes me and it there and back! no if's or buts. Lol. Though next time is just a check up and he may just take a pass. J. ps how do you edit a comment, have tried but no success.
0 -
@Giovanna_BCNA - @Harvey1903 looking for assistance in editing comments0
-
This discussion seems to 'hit' on something very real for those diagnosed with BC and reminds me of something I read during the first few weeks after diagnosis, 'you will never be the same person you were before diagnosis'. That has been so true for me. I have this mental image of a book entitled, 'Breast Cancer: Goodbye You ....... Hello Me!' The contents would be the posts from this discussion. No, I don't want to write a book but I like the idea.
4 -
Hello @Harvey1903
Thanks for the question. To edit your comments/posts- click on the 'wheel' icon in the top right hand corner of your post next to the square
- you will have the option to edit or delete your post.
- my understanding is that you only have 10 - 15 minutes to make the changes
- Please let me know if you have any posts that you would like me to edit on your behalf
0 -
@Beryl C. That's exactly it. I didn't find this website until I was having chemotherapy, I couldn't bear to read the My Journey kit, I'd just watched my sister die from BC the year before. I just knew having it myself was going to change me, change everything. I was furious and then furious and upset. My BS was the first person who actually said it to me, when he was trying to console me after my re-excision. I was bawling about how I didn't want to change. He said what he could to comfort me but then said that yes, it would change me. He confirmed my fears and we were both right.0
-
Basically the emotional impact of breast cancer never really leaves us!
We naturally evolve as life goes on however BC seems to accelerate that change.
You may long for the old you but she is evolving and hopefully you will see the new you as a better than ever as she has survived this ride.
Take care1 -
I'm with you @sister as far as being pissed off is concerned.
I think most humans have an intrinsic longing for safety; those that don't care can cut a vicious swath through otherwise moderate communities. I try to tamp down my anger at my access to safe haven being denied by rationalizing that my disease is nothing personal and that I'm living in (probably) the best place in the world if I have to endure it and want to survive it. That little mantra keeps me tracking along until some incident/episode/event derails me, then I will literally bite the hand offering me food.
That response is driven by my temperament. Nature? Nurture? I consider that to be irrelevant; the issue is my factory settings may as well have been installed at date of manufacture. I can try to moderate them, but I'm not always successful. Sounds like an argument put forward by any number of criminals trying to escape justice, hey?
My point is rational people have points past which we can not go without overturning our hopes and aspirations, modest or extravagant as those may be. The trigger may be war, disease, accidents, suicides... the list of potential physical and psychological traumas is pretty much endless. The effect is someone who no longer feels safe has to learn to deal with their new reality.
While I'm on it, the misuse of the word 'safe' is really starting to get me aerated. It's a concept that varies from person to person but I'm over 'unsafe' being used in exchange for the word 'unpleasant.' They are two entirely different things. Sometimes to avoid things that are unsafe (dying for example) we have to do things that are unpleasant--such as lopping our tits off, getting poisoned, irradiated and destroying our lifestyles. Not at all in the same category as not liking the fact your university invites a speaker you disagree with. Learning to deal with the unpleasant is character building. Or so I keep telling myself.
1 -
A friend has just posted this in her facebook feed. it's UK but it demonstrates this is not an issue isolated to breast cancer or Australia.
https://metro.co.uk/2017/11/21/why-the-trauma-of-cancer-doesnt-end-after-treatment-7094279/
0 -
I’m sitting here six months into this thing and I don’t think I’m EVER going to get over the fear of another change/lump in my breast I can’t imagine a time when I’m going to believe I’ve licked this. Maybe it’s the circumstances of my diagnosis maybe this is what everyone else feels I don’t know the only thing I do know is that it messes with my head big time0
-
Well it's bloody better than the alternative!
Here still to tell the tale!
Being angry and letting off steam is part of it as long as the anger subsides eventually1 -
It's unlooked for change that's the big challenge. We all change, at least you would hope so or we will be pre adolescent for life. It's the changes you don't want that get you down. Over a longer time frame, I have a bit of the Jimmy Barnes thing going - I quite like the person I've become. Also not all of the changes are cancer-driven, my increasing refusal to cop bureaucratic stupidity (particularly in the corporate world) is simple older person grumpiness-because-I-can. It just all takes time, time that we would prefer to use doing something better. More enjoyable. Less irritating. Less reminding. Best wishes all.4
