Recovery Emotions
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They do definitely get further apart @kmakm.
It's funny how you take your physical strength for granted?
You sure notice the difference when it's not like it was. Before BC I never thought twice about it. If there was a job to do let's just get it done. Never even thought about whether I had the strength or stamina to finish it.
I've had very little problems with fatigue as in tiredness but what I have noticed is a fair amount of muscle fatigue.
Now I am well used to jumping up and down off horses and ladders, lugging fencing material, pushing wheelbarrows, etc.
These days though if I climb up and down a ladder painting or whatever the next day I can feel those muscles ache like I have been at the gym. I don't even have to have done much. Don't like it. Geez I might have to go to the gym blah!
I am hoping you might find once the letrozole levels out a bit, hopefully sooner than later, the up and down emotions will start to steady up as well.
@Artferret, one of the psychs at work told me the same about the 5 things. It does really work I've used it a lot over the last year. Not so much anymore but it's a good tool to have when you need it. Something so simple works so well.
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@Blossom1961 Isn't it awful? The rollercoaster really does continue. I can't wait until I get some equilibrium back. My frustration with the situation doesn't help. We really are being schooled by the universe to be patient.
Mindfulness is good. I keep trying to get back to meditation but failing miserably. Perhaps a class would be good.
I hope chemo is going OK. Look after yourself. K xox0 -
@kitkatb Thanks love. I'm trying to get myself back onto an even keel. Fortunately no more run ins with petty tyrants so far this week! I bloody hate my 'new normal' though. I've got to work my way to some kind of acceptance so I can make a reasonably contented life for myself. How are you going? K xox0
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@Zoffiel It is SO disheartening when these people get promoted. Your story makes me think of what's going on in the Liberal Party at the moment, with the few women they have trying to lift the veil on the bullying.
Good on your colleague for slowing him down.
One day M, one day...
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Kate, my hands were at their worst in June and July so maybe it was the cold. My only other problem is that in the summer my hands tend to swell in the heat...crikey if it's not one thing it's another...you've got to laugh though.1
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@kmakm After five years of chronic foot pain and other physically limiting side effects I have come to the decision that the woman who can make it to the street verge and back is 'the new me' (for now) and it is up to me to treat her with respect - she is allowed to be irritable, to say 'no' to well meaning offers of help, to laugh or cry as she rides the roller coaster of Met.BC and to be very annoyed when others suggest that they know the reason why my healthy cells decided to mutate into BC. Just how many variables did they consider? Grrrrrrrrr!On mindfulness, there is a saying, 'When you are sweeping the path, sweep the path'. That makes clear the idea of why mindfulness is considered to be beneficial. I am most calm and content to be in my own skin when I knit or read. If the 'anxiety loop' starts playing then 'k1, p1, sl1, psso, knit to end of row' steadies me. I also feel calm when I sit with a cuppa - just me and a cup of tea.ps - I am now retired and no longer need to take strong pain killers to get through a working day.pps How do I change to a smaller font?
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oops - font is smaller when posted.
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@Beryl C. Gargh! Five years... I am full of admiration for you Beryl. I hope I get there quicker than five years though! I don't want to be at this level of psychological distress for much longer.
I'm picked up my cross stitch embroidery after a decade long absence. It's good to get into that rhythm again.
I totes get your annoyance. Just yesterday another wretched well meaning person told me that "positivity is the key". *RAGE* When did everyone drink the positivity kool aid??? Drives. Me. Up. The. Wall.
On a happier note, love that mindfulness quote! K xox1 -
@Artferret That five things technique sounds really good. I'm going to try that next time I'm having a wobble.
Well done keeping a lid on the stress at this time. I admire you for this strength. K xox0 -
@kmakm Hi Kate, Last chemo finished 2 days ago feeling a bit average, but done and dusted. Thought my emotions would be a lot more positive but just feeling flat. I'm sure I will pick up once this first 10 days after chemo finished.
Hope you are in a better space since dealing with dickhead parking attendants. Just had my day made with a delivery of native flowers from a friend down the road. xox1 -
@kitkatb I was very flat at the end of chemo. Everyone here assured me that was not at all unusual. Don't worry, it will pass. Mine was slowly replaced by a deep deep feeling of relief that it was over.
I LOVE fresh flowers in the house. They truly brighten my day. Bought myself some cheap n cheerful orchids yesterday and put them in my bedroom. Soft pink, very soothing and cheering.
Can't tell how I'll be yet today but the sun'scout and that's always a good start for me!
K xox0 -
Kate, I logged on tonight feeling frustrated, disillusioned, a bit teary, impatient and just wanting to feel like I was before my surgery ...and then your post popped up! You are not alone with how you are feeling! Hope the days have been a bit better!
I know time and patience need to be our friends but now I am now struggling with not having a clear purpose outside of being the best mum I can be.
Stay strong and hopefully each day will bring us to a step closer to our new normal. Xx1 -
Thank you @Samm. Right back at you.
Time and patience... I have never been so impatient for a period of time to pass as this one! I am desperate to feel 'normal' again, whatever that is now. As the days tick past to the first anniversary of my mammogram, recall, diagnosis etc, I'm increasingly looking back in longing at the person I was then. I so wish I could be her again. I loathe my weakness and vulnerability.
I know the path to a contented life does not involve looking back. Shit happens. Sometimes a lot of shit. And there are people with way worse shit than mine. I know I must strive to stay in the moment, and to seek to live a life of mindfulness. And to contribute usefully to the world, to give back. When I have these anxious weeks it's harder to stay on track than it used to be.
I'm raging at fate, which is farting against thunder. Completely pointless.
I'm sorry you're feeling like this as well! Hopefully our funks will pass soon and we can get back on track. Whatever that track may be! We are more than mothers. I've got no answers. Just clinging on for dear life hoping the stuff I'm trying will work. All the very best fellow traveller. K xox2
