Recovery Emotions
Comments
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@sister - I hate the dentist too - I’m always so tense and he has to tell me to keep breathing. He does a lot with kids so is very patient with me.0
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@kmakm Kate, hope your week gets a lot better. Life is just a bloody rollercoaster of emotions. Ditto what the others say be kind to yourself you are such a strong person. Our lives will be different forever going through this shit I guess we all have to find the new norm and also figure out what we can change to decrease the stress in our day to day life. Virtual Hugs to you Kate xox
@sister I hear you, I hate dentists as well. Once I finish my treatment I'll be up for a visit.0 -
I got into a conversation with one of the women at work yesterday and found out that we had both been hounded out of jobs we loved by the same sociopath under very similar circumstances. That happened over three years ago for her and two for me. We were both in the office crying over the damage this individual had done; furious that he is in the news again having been appointed to a senior government position where he will, undoubtedly, cause untold anguish. There really is no justice in this world.
I'm still unable to control the tears when I get angry or frustrated and she has things happening in her life as well. It was a weird bonding experience which simply would not have happened to me prior to BC V2. Maybe it's a good thing, maybe not, but I can't wait for the day I can get my emotions back under control. Any time soon will be fine with me.
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@zoffiel It's a shit thing when you work with someone like that. In my very first full-time job, I had a supervisor who was such an overt bully. I tried to stand up for her on behalf of others and ended up requesting a demotion to get out of the office and then resigned not too long after. She, of course, was promoted. This is 34 years ago. Adelaide's a small place and last week I saw her tagged in a photo on facebook for a fundraising event - I couldn't believe how strong the emotions were after all this time.2
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@iserbrown Thanks C. I'll check back in with the psych after the school holidays.
Public transport would work for me; it's pretty much door to door. But I'd have to be super organised and on time! Something that can be an issue for me early in the day... I'll give it a go though I reckon. It'd take the pressure off.
I do kind of have a priorities list in my head. I do my best but every choice to not do something is attended by ridiculous guilt. It's a work in progress. I'm a work in progress. That voice in my head nagging at my failures is a bitch. I am constantly trying to get her to shut up.
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Yes, they seem to flourish @sister. Mind you, my colleague dragged him into court and I put in a series of formal complaints then derailed his master plan to close my library. He was apoplectic with rage and I had had genuine hopes he would stroke out.
I wonder how they fare when they get ill and they effectively lose the control that they hold so dear. I'm betting they don't suffer the same insecurities as the rest of us but it would be interesting to know what they focus on. Suing someone, probably.
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I'm trying to be kind to myself @Artferret. The exercise programme is part of that. If I feel fitter and stronger I'll feel better. And hopefully look better which always helps to quiet the inner critic. Plus I need to lose a lot more weight to move myself out of the cancer risk zone.
No chance I'll drop out Cath. I like working out in a gym, albeit a big intimidating one like this. I felt wobbly going there again today, which I just hate. Again, unrecognisable cf my former self. But I pushed through and had a good workout. I really want to be physically stronger. I actively hate feeling so weak. I never knew how much my strength meant to me until BC.
I'm glad to hear you feel your emotional resilience has improved. That gives me hope!
My Letrozole hands are continuing to deteriorate. The pain is now in my thumbs, quite badly this week. With the exception of one day when nothing hurt much at all. I can't make head nor tail of it! K xox0 -
Good to hear you're going to stick it out with program Kate! With the pain in your thumbs and hands, i had it creep up to really chronic for about two months then one day it just eased right off. The only thing i had changed in my life was i started a new gym exercise routine (i have 4 routines which i do for a month each) which involved a fair use of the free weights. That was at the beginning of August. They've been pretty good since. Before that it was debilitating. Maybe ask your EP at the gym for some free weight exercises like for your biceps, laterals etc. It might work. Otherwise gently stretch out your whole hand and fingers as if you have little strings on the ends of your fingers and someone is pulling them, then gently curl your hand into a fist and repeat. If you find that it's quite hand sore to do some of the weight pushing machines you can always use some of that non slip grippy stuff, fold it into a pad to cushion your thumb area or buy a pair of gloves with silicon pads in them. I found a pair on a site called empind.com.au not cheap but they have paid for themselves already in keeping my hands cushioned. See your psychologist as much as you need to cos sometimes it's just too hard to do it on your own. I found that. It took me 12 months to get my emotional shit back together and i kept reminding myself that it would take that long. You'll get there, i know you will. One calming technique my psych suggested was if i was feeling wobbly, stop, sit down,put your hands on your knees, feet on the ground and in your mind list 5 things you can hear near you, then 5 things you can see near you and lastly 5 things you can touch near you. By the time you've done that hopefully you will have calmed down. It just gives you something else to focus on. My first mammogram since diagnosis is next month. I'm trying to keep a tight lid on stress levels till it's over. So far I'm succeeding...2
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@Artferret Funny, I've been naturally stretching my hands like that for the last couple of months since they got bad. Between you and the new oncologist I've got hope that this deeply unpleasant side effect will abate in time. It was so painful a few days ago I found it quite distressing. Does the temperature affect yours? I started Letrozole on the first day of Winter so I'm wondering whether the warmer weather will help.
I've been patchy with the psych appointments since my BMX & recon. I think when the holidays are over I will commit to a regular session. I think it's going to take a while to get my self together. I want to feel strong again, in body and mind.
Thank you for your support. K xox0 -
@Harvey1903 J, you sound just like my husband! I know, I know. As I said, I'm trying.
Gosh it truly sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. I'm in admiration of your ability to stay calm. I hope things improve for you soon.
One day, when you're feeling up to it, you'll have to stop for a cuppa with me on your way in or out of town. There's a fab café overlooking a golf course right near me. Meet you there for lunch?! K xox1 -
@Sister Too hard by half! And we live in a very nice first world country!!
Dentists... I've ignored that appointment for a few years now. Hmmm, lumpectomy, re-excision, chemo, double mastectomy and DIEP reconstruction... but still I put off that appointment. The big girl undies I'll need to pull up to my chin for the dentist will have to be giant!
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