Night Howls
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I had a good one last night but seem to be coming down with a bug today. Hope everyone that had a crap sleep last night does better tonight.0
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@arpie me either - garlic tablets and spicy food for me!!
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Does anyone else sort of get a feeling during the night, whether they are going to have a good sleep or not? I seem to be able to tell in advance and wonder if I set myself up by thinking this way.0
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Lucky for me my partner is a night owl, which is sometimes good company. On the other hand it's usually him saying he is going to bed before me these days. I have started sketching, which I haven't done in years!! (raised 4 kids and tolerated an alcoholic husband for 20 odd years) I have found I have just become totally absorbed in drawing. My lovely partner queries why I haven't finished in one day. Well you can't rush your creative juices lol. I have found it quite cathartic for settling my mind. So I have spent the last 2 days and nights drawing and mostly completely absorbed by it.
Poor Russ. Lucky he has a lot of patience.
My Daughter is studying creative art therapy and counselling at Uni. Must run in the family. She blurted out to me over the phone the other day that she has enrolled in a short course at NIDA and apparently stand up comedy is something she has always wanted to try. So good for her, but I think I am the source of most of her material which I am sure consists of really bad Mum jokes. I think anything you can find to enjoy keeps you from thinking about cancer. I thought it was just me that can't plan ahead and I am just new to all this. I am poor at making decisions I just tell my partner to decide for me. Its like a brain overload. Not all the time thankfully.2 -
@Suzi_S61 I put all my energy into gardening because it’s my passion. I just love it & it’s great exercise. My Mum was amazing at sketching, but my creative juices don’t stretch that far. Wish they did 😊. It’s a bit hard to garden at night 😉 Your partner, Russ, sounds lovely. I wish you all the best xx1
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@Suzi_S61 That's wonderful that you're getting joy from sketching. I thought for years that when I retired, I would like to take up portrait sketching (I was good at art at school), but I've not got around to it. I know what you mean about finding something to take your mind off cancer. For me it's online French television - keeps me distracted for hours.
I had a horrendous early morning today. Woke at 4:30 with pain in right chest, back and back of neck - the same type of pain as when I had three lung clots a fortnight after my surgery in Feb - except that this wasn't as severe as in Feb and that was across my whole chest. I had a more mild version about three nights ago and took two old Nurofen then. This morning I took two Panadeine Extra and a Panadol Osteo, walked up and down, holding a heat pack around my neck and on my right chest. It took about 40 mins for it to fade. Then I read for a while before the PanX kicked in and I slept until 9 am. I think I'll mention it to the nurses when I go to rads this afternoon, as it's the second time in a week.
I'd actually been sleeping not too badly lately, going to bed with one PanX for my knee pain and either a whole or half Oxazepam (if I was very tired from rads) at about 11 pm and slept to about 6:30 am or so.
Yesterday I saw a registrar instead of my rads oncologist. She was very nice. Interesting that when I said I wasn't suffering physically with the rads, but struggling to muster any motivation for anything, including exercise, which I used to love, and to regain any glimpse of a positive spirit and hope for the future, absolutely hating my body, whereas I used to like it ... she said, "That's a worry." And suggested referring me to the oncology dept's psychiatrist. She said, "If you don't click, ok. But you might, and she might be able to help. She often does." Anyway - the last time I saw a psychiatrist was just after my divorce, and when I said, "I feel I have no control over anything ..." he said, "Do you always need to be in control?" That was the last time he saw me. But I thought yesterday that I'll accept this offer from the hospital and see what happens.
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@Flaneuse do it!!! Just buy a sketch pad and pencils or charcoal whatever takes your fancy. It's really good for distraction especially from pain. Don't get me wrong the pain might still be there but it seems easier to manage when you are thinking about something creative. You can pour your frustration, anger or sadness into it or you can just create something beautiful. It doesn't have to mean anything to anyone else but this helps with the emotional roller coaster. You might pick it up and do it once a week or every hour. It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter what your ability is either but at the pointy end of this journey you will have something to look back on and see how far you have come. As far as psychologists go you win some you lose some. Go talk with them. If they don't fit with you thats ok you can try somewhere else. They can be good for objectiveness.
Only you will know if you have a good one. You won't find that out in one session though. It generally takes several sessions just for them to get a bigger picture. Do what feels right for you. Sending love and hugs xxx we will get through this!!1 -
Thank you @Suzi_S61 actually I think I will do a little shop for those items. My daughter and her husband and my eldest grandson are cat people (they have three), and last year I bought a book called "How to draw cats" and a sketchpad and charcoal pencils and spent time with my grandson (10 y/o) following the guidance in the book, which was very good. The drawings I produced were in fact excellent. So I know I still have a "touch".1
