Anniversary
Comments
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@Beryl C. @AllyJay Yes, it is a mourning. The old me is gone and I'm still looking over my shoulder at the wreckage, instead of forward at a new life. The thing is, I don't want to look forward at the new life because the old one was better. @SoldierCrab tells me that one day it will 'click' and I'll be good again. I know life is full of disappointments, and I've had my share, but this one, on the back of all the others, has me on the canvas unable to get up. I'll keep plodding, even when it's hard to see the point.
I love your ritual Beryl. There's something about a candle isn't there. I'm not religious but I appreciate the ceremony and spirituality of lighting a candle.
And that's a wonderful take on India! Have you been?
Ally, that's a marvellous piece on grief. I'll be reading it again and again. Thank you for posting it.
K xox0 -
WOW! Some very moving bits - it WILL get better, Kate .... I reckon once you've done your India trip, you'll have a whole new perspective again .... and you'll have a break from the AIs ... so hopefully a feeling of 'normal' again xx1
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@AllyJay Beautiful. Thank you0
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@Sister Thinking of you & wishing you all my love, hugs & support for tomorrow as you go in for your anniversary scan. I know you are feeling all sorts of panic, dread & emotions of your past year & also memories of your sister. She will be with you tomorrow as we all will, giving you the courage & strength you need. Try to remain positive as hard as it may be. You have shown such resilience the past year so I know you will get through. I hope you are taking someone with you & make sure you plan for a treat afterwards so you have something to look forward to. Go out for lunch, coffee or a pamper massage!! Please let us know how you get on. Love & hugs xxxx1
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Thanks, guys. Going on my own for the mammo and have to be back at work straight after - not sure yet about the surgeon's appt on Tuesday arvo. Strangely enough I feel very calm at the moment but suspect it'll be meds for sleep tonight. I'm not feeling particularly positive, just fatalistic.0
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@Sister good luck tomorrow ,fingers crossed for you too !
Wish it was my turn for a scan but have to wait until March! just want to know what's happening in there !!
Trying to book a holiday for May & finding myself say 'what if ?' the scan in March is crap !
Not sure how to move on !!
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Okay...went in to have the mammo feeling quite calm. Got called back in for an ultrasound - feeling pretty low and resigned, preparing myself for bad news. Then got called in as the dr wanted to speak to me. Turned out it was just because they couldn't access my Breastscreen films from a year ago and nothing sinister showing. Radiographer was really apologetic saying that she was not allowed to let on that it looked okay. Oh, and I have a dense breast apparently which was why they wanted the ultrasound to be sure.
I saw my surgeon this afternoon and he has reviewed all films and examined me. I also was a bit worried as there seemed to be a slight swelling near my collarbone (maybe - I wasn't sure) but it seems that it's likely to be due to rads and possibly the fact that I hold that side quite tensely now as there's no mass there at all. So, given the all clear.
Also had a brief discussion about reconstruction (tummy flap) - surgeon said that while it's an op that he finds really interesting to do, from a patient's perspective it is a really big deal and he's more than happy for me to sit on it for as long as I want to.7 -
Woohoo!! That's terrific, @Sister - those few tense moments would spook me as well - but, Yay, all good! So glad your surgeon was happy with everything. I guess waiting a bit for the reconstruction will ensure everything has healed really well, too - and a longer break between anaesthetics too! xx
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Hooray! Good news indeed.0
