Anniversary
Comments
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Happy news, congratulations!1
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What a relief1
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Awesome arpie bloody awesome news
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Today is the anniversary of receiving my callback letter from Breastscreen and the nightmare beginning. At about 5.30pm tonight it will be a full year of this new and diminished life. I'm still pissed off, still struggling to accept my reality. I have so much to be grateful for and I know my psyche needs to accept my f*****g new normal (geeze I hate that phrase) but there's so much resistance still. So much work still to be done. I'm trying. If you need help, I hope everyone is getting it. K xox1
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Screw "new normal" & "Journey". They should be wiped from the vocabulary. Resistance is not a bad thing means there's still a whole lot of fight in there.
Quite honestly, I found pissed off was a better place to be than cloudy fog of doom. You will get there K. Honestly. India and break time are so close. Time to breath and recentre.
All my love xoxoxox
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Oh Kmakm, can I say stop being so hard on yourself. YOU know I am coming from a place of love for you, it takes us all time to accept this new normal..... we have the different stages of grief to go through we all do that differently for some it is quicker than others.
https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/
The five stages,- denial,
- anger,
- bargaining,
- depression
- and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with what we lost.
and the bloody new normal can be shit excuse the french but it can be ....
the depression was woeful for me
acceptance is an ongoing process.
Soldiercrab xxxx
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Thanks @kezmusc and @SoldierCrab. You've made be a bit teary with that quote A. Look, I'm functioning (most days). I can laugh and enjoy stuff, but inside I feel bereft and I cannot for the life of me project forward beyond the end of January when the kids go back to school. I'm so afraid to make plans and hope for something because everytime I do, something massively shit happens and it all evaporates. The head is in sand and I'm simply not thinking about it. But in the meantime I'm starting to get excited about being in my beloved India after two of the longest years of my life. And even better, being off that bloody awful but potentially life saving drug for a month. K xox2
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Kmakm I was exactly like you I couldn't and wouldn't plan anything when I was about at the same time frame as you are now....
I didn't know if I would be here now 2018 and I was bereft of any ability to deal with it....
Enjoy India and be patient with yourself.2 -
I promise you I'm trying to be patient with myself @SoldierCrab. But somehow I feel guilty that I'm not 'better' yet...1
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This is something I found a while ago. It pertains particularly to grief and the death of a loved one, but I feel it's relevant to grief originating from wherever, and for myself, much of what is written, I can identify with regarding the "death" of my old life. Not sure if the picture will come up big enough to read the writing, but my hubby says just to click on it and it should get bigger.
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kmakm - not 'better' yet? I believe I will never be the person I was before diagnosis and I've given myself permission to be short tempered, irritable, a bit sad at times, to cancel meeting a friend because I'm too tired or not feeling social etc etc. I have developed a new habit, maybe its a ritual, I have a beautiful little statue in which I can place a tea candle - if I hear or see something beautiful, or for acts of kindness, I light a candle of thanks and appreciation. Today it was a butterfly on a flower in the back garden.I realised within the first few months after diagnosis, masectomy etc. that it was up to me, that I would let others know how I wanted to do this (its been seven years of ongoing treatment) but always with thanks. Find your own way, no one else will walk your path as well as you and isn't India the best place to affirm you, who you are now? One being in the midst of many, but each one precious and unique and 'doing' as best as they can manage. Be easy on yourself!2
