Night Howls
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That sounds lousy @Kiwi Angel. Was it like that before BC?0
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@kmakm a little bit not everyday. My boss has always done the thing where she relies on me but she started this business mentoring and the mentor just doesn’t really get the our little business. He keeps telling us we need to do all these things but we r so busy I don’t even have time to do my normal basic chores - they keep getting put off. My boss sort of expects that we should work the hours she does too if required but I think 11-12 hours per day is enough. She is quite brainwashed by this mentor guy. I feel sick I’m so tired.0
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Hey @Kiwi Angel Someone who hasn't been through what you have would find that a hard slog by the sounds of it. You are right on the "I don't need this stress in my life thing". I feel the same. All this trivial bullshit that people worry about really doesn't sit well these days and it's difficult to listen to. Perhaps you need a little one on one with her and a few days off. Hope your day is not too bad.
xoxoxo0 -
OMG @Kiwi Angel - that is not good - you are putting up with enough in your life, without this added stress.
You really do need to look after YOU - are you not able to say something like "If I am not able to reduce the hours & stress, I may not be able to continue?" Or ''I just can't keep this up in it's present state?"
I am guessing she is just allowing you to do what you do, assuming you are coping? Some people aren't good at reading 'signals' - and may just assume you are coping really well.
The lack of sleep just compounds things too.
Time for a serious sit down chat with the boss, I reckon! Good luck! xxx
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@arpie that is exactly her - she is a lovely person but clueless at reading people’s emotional cues. I’m sure she thinks I’m coping fine.
@kezmusc I wonder if the tamoxifen could be having an effect too but I really don’t want to feel like this for 40-50 hours a week and only sleep properly (as properly as we all do now) for 3 nights a week.
As usual lovlies - thanks for the support and wise words xoxox2 -
It’s also compounded by the fact that because I’m getting so little sleep I can’t gwt up to go for my run which really helps with my stress management
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In the end, you have to look after you @Kiwi Angel. I know that having to do something such as sit down and have that conversation is likely to be really daunting (I say that from my position of not being able to cope with "out of the ordinary" at the moment) but it sounds like it needs to be done. Sometimes people in higher positions don't see that, while we will work to a high level, we're not able or prepared to kill ourselves over it. Perhaps prepare some key phrases that you can trot out so that you're not at a loss to explain yourself. I know that your work has been important to you over the last few months but it may also be time for an evaluation. Not that I'm suggesting you quit and find something else, but that you examine what it is that you enjoy about the job and what it is that is overwhelming.3
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That mentoring thing can be really toxic @kiwiangel
Like 'life coaches', business coaches are often personally dysfunctional and have come to the job through a process of making every life/business blunder it is possible to imagine. They sure as shit know what can go wrong and reinvent themselves as 'experts' at solving problems. I've come across a few working in the HR profession and they have been, without exception, narcissistic and destructive. They seem to be very keen to put new systems in place which are often unrealistic and do little more than create more work and disenfranchise valuable staff. There are grants available for businesses to access these people and the lure of getting financial support to potentially improve their operations often clouds peoples judgment.
You have solid grounds to request flexible work arrangements. The advice to talk to your boss is absolutely the place to start. Your award states:
22.1 Weekly hours of work
(a) The ordinary hours of work are an average of 38 per week but not exceeding 152 hours in 28 days, or an average of 38 over the period of an agreed roster cycle.
(b) The maximum length of the ordinary hours for any one shift must not exceed 10 hours plus meal breaks.
If you are being pushed to work 11-12 hours per shift your employer is in breach if you have not signed an agreement to vary that clause of the award. I know it seems adversarial to point that out to her, but it is important to make sure she realizes what is happening is both illegal and personally harmful for you. This expectation that employees 'go the extra mile' is a real problem when it is to their physical, mental or financial detriment.
It would be a shame to quit a job that you have put so much effort into, particularly when you tried so hard to keep going through your treatment. Huge kudos to you for a truly herculean effort, but it is time to consider what that may have cost you. Please have what may be a difficult conversation before you get so burnt out you chuck it in. M XX
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Thanks ladies.
@Zoffiel I really can’t stand the mentoring and I’m not the only one but the boss thinks the sun shines out of his ass and every meeting we have he keeps recycling the same things but my boss doesn’t seem to notice. I get paid from 8.30 to 7 but generally work from at least 8 and never claim for that time. Lunch is often taken while working and we are all expected to just have to deal with any overtime. We get paid for it but sanity is with more than extra money for me.
@sister I love my job but the stress is starting to get too much and I worry when u get too busy mistakes can happen. Love everything about it apart from the excessive stress and the pressure from my boss relying on me so much and the expectation that I should be willing to put in as many hours as her. I don’t want to - that’s why I’m an employee as opposed to an employer. Know it was a busy day so have been here since 7.30 again so I can actually get some stuff done with some peace and quiet.
I hate being grumpy 4 days a week too. I get home and done even feel like talking to my hubby. Just want to go into my cave.0 -
@Kiwi Angel that sounds terrible. If there is one thing I've learnt from this it is NOT to waste my time on this Earth doing things that I don't want to do, that give me no joy (especially if they are going to take a significant chunk of time, not just one offs). Is there any joy in your work at the moment Steph? I know it is easier said than done, but are there any negotiation pathways available to you? Have you been upfront and honest with those who can make some changes for you?
I am lucky, my boss is one of my dear friends, so I have a bit of a skewed view on these things I'm sure. After my boss told me what she wanted me to teach next year, I took time to mull it over and thought at first I'd give it a go for a year as it was not mu cup of tea at all. Then I thought, stuff that - I am going to voice what I need, within a framework of what the school might need too. Wallah! Hey Presto! I am happy with what is now on the agends for me next year and the school's needs will also be met.0 -
@Kiwi Angel What a dreadful situation for you to be in, given what you've been through. I agree absolutely with what the others have said above. It sounds like a time to bite the bullet and prepare for negotiation. Know your bottom line - what is acceptable to you and will give you pleasure in working - and what you're not prepared to accept. You need to listen to your gut feeling: if you're fearful about your wellbeing, that's just not on.
These ring-in consultants are usually a huge pain, sprouting jargon and theories and have never been in a situation where they're the ones on the receiving end. They have no genuine interest in the benefit of the employees or the business - just in making huge $$$ and wearing the suit.0 -
@iserbrown Thank you so much for reaching out to me on Kate's thread. Yes, I've had a rough couple of months but it is starting to get better. I's been trudging on through the year, one foot after the other - which my usual approach to life of "I'll just do what I have to do and I'll get through this". I've had a lot of hassles with incompetence at the hospital, and have had to self-advocate a lot, which has been very stressful and increased the levels of anxiety that I often have anyway, because of a family factor. I take pills for that.
My steady-as-she-goes approach broke down a few weeks before the end of radiation, I hit the wall. I was so fatigued - which of course I had been warned about. But I felt as if I were outside myself somewhere and I didn't know where I was, and had no confidence I could find my way back to Me. I'd lost my grip on myself. I hate my body - the ugly and uncomfortable flap of flesh under my arm, the fold of flesh in my cleavage, the hardness of the mesh panel under the expander and it itself, and the fat that I've put on (14 kg since diagnosis). I can't wear most of the nice clothes I used to wear. I used to take pride in my image and looking elegant or at least stylish.
I had three PEs a fortnight after surgery and they said I nearly died. Now I fear every sharp pain in my chest. I put myself under voluntary house-arrest for most of chemo because I was hospitalised with infections four times. So I had to stay away from people with risk of infections - even my small grandchildren, who seemed to have a string of vomiting bugs etc.
I'm grieving for the lost me - not just my breast, but the spirit of me - the enthusiasm, energy, positive spirit, mental sharpness, joy in life.
My radiation oncologist referred me to the hospital psych and I've seen her once and shall have four or five sessions. She's ok, just ok, though she spent rather more time wanting me to talk about my ex-husband (29 years agi) than I would have liked. Won't do that again.
The good thing is that in this past couple of weeks I'm accepting every invitation to go out and socialise with friends, to get back into the world. The company of friends is the best tonic. My son is piling up the babysitting/childminding requests and I'm going to need a strategy to deal with that. It's like - you've finished active treatment so you're normal again. No, I have aches and pains from Letrozole and my arthritis and PN and my left knee aches constantly and my balance is shit and my brain is mush most of the time - no, I'm not normal.
There we go - that's my rant for the morning. Now I'll go and re-arrange my furniture ready to host an end-of-year meeting tonight for an organisation of which I'm president.
Big hugs, Fran0 -
@Flaneuse
"I'm grieving for the lost me - not just my breast, but the spirit of me - the enthusiasm, energy, positive spirit, mental sharpness, joy in life."
Beautifully and perfectly put. I feel the same.
I hope the burst of energy and activity lasts Fran. Sounds industrious at the very least! K xox
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@JJ70. I do enjoy a lot about my job if I do get a chance to take a breath every now and then. My boss is actually a friend too and was so supportive during my treatment but I think it’s that old adage that now I’m “cured” everything can just go back to normal. I need to sit down and think about what I really want.
@Flaneuse I saw one of the bills for this consultant and just about had a heart attack. He is good support for my boss but I don’t know why we have to be subjected to his crap. She seems to be completely brainwashed by him and writes down every word like it’s gospel (even though he keeps talking about the same thing in a different format).
Thanks ladies. Time to think about what I really want out of my job. xoxo0 -
@Kiwi Angel be proactive against that old adage. People think that, because we are not vocal in telling them otherwise. I believe most of us really want that, to go back to how it was and verbalising to others that it is not how it is can make it a sad reality.
I'm not sure if that rings true for you, but it is where I am at.0
