Night Howls
Comments
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Absolutely nothing to do with breast cancer but this thread made me think of Gordon Lightfoot's song "If you could read my mind".4
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https://youtu.be/v5tr_L31StIIf You Could Read My MindIf you could read my mind love
What a tale my thoughts could tell
Just like an old time movie
About a ghost from a wishing well
In a castle dark or a fortress strong
With chains upon my feet
You know that ghost is me
And I will never be set free
As long as I'm a ghost you can seeIf I could read your mind love
What a tale your thoughts could tell
Just like a paperback novel
The kind the drugstore sells
When you reach the part where the heartaches come
Come the hero would be me
Heroes often fail
And you won't read that book again
Because the ending's just to hard to takeI walk away like a movie star
Who gets burned in a three way script
Enter number two, a movie queen
To play the scene of bringing all the good things out in me
But for now love let's be realI never knew I feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it
I don't know where we went wrong
But the feeling's gone and I just can't get it backIf you could read my mind love
What a tale my thoughts could tell
Just like an old time movie about a ghost from a wishing well
In a castle dark or a fortress strong
With chains upon my feet
The story always ends
And if you read between the lines
You'll know that I'm just trying to understand
The feeling that you leftI never knew I feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it
I don't know where we went wrong
But the feeling's gone
And I just can't get it backSongwriters: Gordon LightfootIf You Could Read My Mind lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc
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@JJ70 found out I had made a mistake awhile ago on a drug label and just about burst into tears. Had a chat to my boss and told her with my medication brain I can’t handle the level of stress at the moment and I’m worried about making mistakes like this. She was supportive and said she can get other staff in longer to help me out and she wasn’t mad at me. I am the most organised person in the world so I guess that has helped me out a lot in keeping things pretty organised. Don’t like to admit any weakness
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Oh, @Kiwi Angel - I hear you "Don't like to admit any weakness". xox1
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I recently got over that hump @Kiwi Angel and @Flaneuse. I've stripped back some of the protective layers around me since BC. I don't care about weaknesses much anymore, in fact I am embracing them at the moment. I've never been more gentle with myself and I must say I am enjoying just being me - warts and all., for all to see. Feedback so far has been nothing but positive....except hubby, he's not so happy with the tell it like it is jagged edge that has evolved. Suck it up I say!
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Loved the original Gordon Lighfoot version - never heard it. Only the many cover versions in movie soundtracks etc! Thanks @Patti J and @SoldierCrab!1
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@JJ70 go u!!0
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@Kiwi Angel I feel your pain regarding work !
Struggled through working while undergoing my treatment ,taking time for myself when I needed too ,I too was expected to do work that was not in my job description & keep the team afloat !
Also trying to cope with my ill father I had an aha moment - I cant/wont do this anymore !!
So I took carers leave, holiday leave & now long service leave ,whilst i'd like to work 2 or 3 days a week it wont happen in my current job .At the end of my long service I guess I will be retiring !!
Good luck , if you can step back a little , do so , it your life !! xx
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Thanks @tigerbeth I have so much leave but I don’t want to let anyone down and want to hoard it so we can go to Europe for 6 weeks in 2020. I feel better that I talked to my boss and she took my concerns onboard and is willing to look at things to help if I need it. It’s amazing how much we all take on. The more u are good at your job the more you are expected to do and other people can slide along. Glad u r taking time for yourself - u have had a lot on your plate. xoox2
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@Kiwi Angel That's good news, that your boss has responded. @JJ70 - I'm often tempted to say I feel worse than I do, so people don't expect more of me. Wicked, I know. Though just a while ago, I had a call from a detective new to the local police station, asking me to do an urgent search warrant, and I said yes. I had told them to take me off their JP list until I told them I'd be ready to start again - because I was always available to them 24/7 and I'm the nearest JP to the police station. In fact, I had been thinking of calling them and saying they can list me again but only up to about 9 pm. This new guy hadn't been told about my "blackout" period; he just found my number on a list somewhere. I confess it did feel nice to be needed and to be able to help out. And I found an error in the document that we changed and both initialled - so that felt extra good.
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@Kiwi Angel, Mentor shmentor. In a previous life I was what I called a real "Ra Ra" person. you know one of those "bouncy, hyper, had a positive anectdote for eveything " people that make you want to puke or punch them in the face. I had all the right books and all the right friends and did all the "You're gonna make it to the top" workshops. It only took a few months until I woke up and realised that there was something seriously wrong with these people. They make a very good living out of what people consider their own weaknesses. Lets hope the euphoria wears off your boss pretty quick.
Regarding the Tamoxifen. If you have a look at one of my first discussions on here you'll see what was going on. For the first 12 months it made any kind of multitasking and fast paced work very very difficult. My brain would just get confused and then under pressure would completely shut down. I would answer the phone and immediately forget the name of the person I was speaking to.
I found myself constantly rechecking my work and doubting that I had done anything right. I was doubly busy because of the constant need to go back over everything I had done for fear I had made mistakes. It was definitely the drugs as I had worked all through chemo and rads without any issues like this.
Stupid me didn't want to let anyone know I was struggling (never admit defeat right?) and I would come home absolutely mentally exhausted and most days end up in tears driving home. I did not work anywhere near the hours you are either. Good on you for speaking to her, that alone must be a bit of a relief.
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@Kiwi Angel agree with the 'good at yr job' = do more.0
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@kezmusc I’m definitely not a fan of mentors. This guy irritates the shit out of me!! I’m generally pretty ok with the brain fog unless it gets really busy and then I get stressed about making a mistake. My boss call herself an idiot this afternoon for forgetting to do something and I asked her if she was trying to make me feel better about being a stresshead basketcase and she said she is a stresshead basketcase too so she can relate. I feel better having talked to her. Thank go I have always been a note and lost person so not too much falls through the cracks but we are always our own worst taskmasters.
Thanks all all for your responses. As usual always makes you feel better to know u aren’t alone in how u r feeling.
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@Kiwi Angel where I work every time there is a new hairbrain scheme we hold our breaths and ride it out. Our non executive chairman comes up with these ideas regularly so we hold our breath a lot. The boss’s diary has a couple of meetings in it later this month which will mean more hairbrain schemes so that will be fun
Work is frustrating at the moment staff just aren’t thinking about things and I’m so tired it’s not funny so am not particularly patient with them at the moment. I keep hearing what a fabulous job they have all done while I was away but now they have reverted to being useless and needing excessive hand holding. I’m 2/3 through my radiation 9 more shots to go as of today 4 total breast and 5 focus. Boob is red hot and swollen but medical team keep saying it’s normal and I’m doing fine just don’t feel like it
at the moment I am sleeping well but dreaming as well which I don’t normally remember some have been so vivid I thought what it was was real and ended up very disappointed when I realised it wasn’t - to the verge of tears!
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