What NOT to say to people affected with breast cancer
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I had another friend tell me about one of her customers at work she said to me she had real bad cancer not like yours! I was like every fu#%ing cancer is bad shut up!2
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My recent horror comments, while under going chemo: "cancer is caused by internalising stress" and "cancer is caused by resentment". Grrr!3
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I've actually been laughing at some of the ridiculous things people have had said to them OMG!!
I had an acquaintance say to me "OH NO You have Breast Cancer AGAIN!! My Sister in law had a pain in her leg, turned out to be Cancer..you don't have pain anywhere else??"
TWAT!!! I actually answered with...Nah I'm good not going to die anytime soon and walked off...
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I had one twit (a relative of a relative), tell me that chemo would kill me and that I should use turmeric instead. In my very best sarcastic voice (sarcastic??? me??? Never!!!), I said to her "Righto, I'll give my specialist medical team the flick, and head on down to Sunil's Spice Emporium instead and buy 10kg of the stuff. Do I eat it, and if so, raw or cooked, smoke it, shoot it up, use it in an enema, bath in or or burn it with a fragrant oil?" She looked a bit gobsmacked at my vigorous response, and said, "Well I can see you still have your sense of humour"....
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Hey @melclarity, you should've walked off with a limp
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Comments soo funny and ridiculous!
Someone said to me..Oh, you don't need chemo, then it musn't be that bad then!?
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Like others my biggest pet hate of all the things said to me was "stay positive". I heard it said in so many different ways, but most of all when people were telling me how to beat breast cancer, ie they's say "stay positive and you will beat this." Does that mean for every woman or man out there that has died from breast cancer, they have died because they weren't positive? Stupid, stupid, STUPID INSENSITIVE thing to say...... sorry... it just gets me SOOOO worked up.
The next worst thing was when people said that chemo was ineffective, never really worked and was only invented by pharmaceutical companies for big money.3 -
@Nadi OMG you are soooo right!!!! yeah I HATE it when people say "OH you need to stay positive!!! WTF??? as opposed to what?? so I haven't been? Ummm and Im sure everyone would say has nothing to do with it, we are all different and handle things very differently and thats the BEST way to handle it and approach it. Youre right Nadi, so many have lost their lives and Im sure they were as positive as possible. The times Ive heard that about Chemo I could SCREAM!!! thats why high profile people die from it too hey?? and what I HATE is when people say the CHEMO didnt work because someone they knew died. Apart from the obvious of depends on the diagnosis and how early it is caught will have every bearing on success. So many ignorant people!!! I so wanted to swear then!!! gets me going!!! GRRRRR Mx0
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"You're doing it easy" while having chemo and neutropenia
"You look too good"
"If I get it, I want to look like you" after surgery and still having a drain in at home
"Don't worry about it, you'll be fine
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When my neighbour heard I had BC he said "a relative of ours had bc and died" gee thanks for telling me, like I really wanted to hear that. I understand that people like to help too, but recommending certain foods does my head in
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The worst thing is...when I was a "normal" person, I can remember saying/doing most of those things!3
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Ain't that the truth! At least as far as they "you'll be fine, you're a fighter" stuff goes (some of the rest is just awful). That's why I didn't mind when people said that sort of thing to me, it was well intended. It was my perceptions that had changed.3
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I had so called friends who didn't know what to say ... they said nothing. NOTHING! Even sitting with them in a beanie, no hair and no eyebrows .. they said nothing. I felt alienated and withdrew because I thought that I made them feel awkward. They knew I had cancer but no one really wanted to mention it. I would rather someone say something, even if it's the wrong thing. Most people don't know what to say and what they do say is generally something they say to try and make you feel better. Not everyone is trying to be insensitive and not everyone is given the 'right' things to say. Most people mean well and sometimes you just have to let things go in one ear and head straight out the other.
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I do get tired of the "just be positive, that is the key to fighting cancer" and the "you will be fine" lines said brightly and dismissively.
Mostly it is from people who just want to say something helpful, so I try to be understanding about it.
My classic was from my very long term friend who I thought was being super supportive when I was diagnosed, when I told her that the pathology after surgery was not good and I now had to have chemo therapy and go back for a mastectomy, I told her what the chemo regime was (FEC X 3 and D X 3 ) and was told
" well, you are getting off easy with it then"
I was quite shocked.
This was from someone had had previously been telling me how supportive she had been to another friend going through chemo for Hodgkin's lymphoma.
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