What NOT to say to people affected with breast cancer
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Also have to add the best thing anyone ever said to me was "I don't know what to say. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I wish I could offer you some kind of comfort. Can I give you a hug?" That was from a female work colleague. Out of everything everyone ever said, I found this to be the most comforting because it was honest, real and thoughtful.9
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Nice change of gear there @Nadi! One of the nicest things for me was when a group of my girlfriends took me out for dinner and said "you can't say NO...what can we do to help you?" They came up with a food bank...about 20 girls cooking for the boys and I for weeks after my mastectomy. Then they doubled the commitment after my recent DIEP reconstruction. I am so indebted to them - it has meant all we have to do is reheat a yummy meal when the very last thing I can contemplate (or have energy to do) is cook xxxx7
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One of the nicest things said to me was from a group of girlfriends I work with. When I told them my diagnosis they said "you are not alone in this, we are all here with you". They gave me my space but picked me up for a coffee/dinner or simply phoned to say they were thinking of me and could they do anything.
As others have said (except for the handful of completely insensitive, ignorant fools!) most people don't know what to say and default to telling us to be positive and strong. Jane xx
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BCNA's social media team posted about this on Facebook. In the comments, people have been sharing their own stories. There are some doozies. You don't have to be a Facebook member to read them. And if you are on Facebook, like our page
See it here: http://bit.ly/2pER9G8
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Yep, yep and yep.
Terribly tempting seeing that thread to comment on it. The thing is, I have only told people about my recurrence individually; if they haven't seen or contacted me in the last six months or so there is a good chance they won't have found out through social media.
You can tinker with your privacy settings, but if you comment on a thread like this and haven't already 'outed' yourself...
Another thing I don't need is 'Why didn't you tell me, I'm so upset' from someone who is an old school friend or ex colleague who I haven't spoken to in years.
Just sayin'...2 -
LMFAO @Cosette_BCNA APRICOT KERNELS!!I've heard weed shrinks tumors and frankincense helps heal in unspecific ways (does smell amazing though) but good grief. Oh guys, know what obviously cures cancer, those stringy bits of banana, big pharma's totally hiding that though.
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A hairdresser told me my curls were gorgeous. When i explained how i got them she thought it was totally worth it. Yeah no!!1
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I was told "Oh but I've had it twice you know!" WTF - this is not a competition no intention of coming back for a second round and you win!
Aren't they amazing can't accept the conversation is about you, it has to be turned to about them, with one upmanship!3 -
OMG you know I love alternative things, but why oh why oh why do people think the shit they cure cancer I will never know!!! They are great at treating symptoms and side effects, thats the point OMG! GRRRRR!!! LOL0
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Not sure if this fits under here, but I had a "friend" say to me " so have you thought about the gender thing?"
SERIOUSLY, opting not to reconstruct is not an end run around gender re-assignment. At 44 I did not wake up and think - now that I have (had) breast cancer I think I might change sex!!! What THe.... ????3 -
Worst is when it's the people close to you giving comments. Here are some of the comments I received during my treatment:
a. Comparing going to the hospital for cancer treatment vs checkups after giving birth.
b. 'You need to change your lifestyle'! I consider myself healthy in general before getting bc. I don't smoke, rarely drink alcohol, I cook my food most of the time etc.
c. "Oh you only have 1 toilet" chemo meds are very toxic. It's like telling me it's a requirement to have more than one toilet at home before getting cancer to be safe for other people living with me.0 -
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