Triple Neg, diagnosed 4 wks ago, have had 2 cycles of AC chemo - I wonder what has happened?

Hi @Tasia,

Sorry you need to be here but im sure the support you get will help. Ive just bought 3 packs of breast cancer buns from bakers delight to support it ! So important the connection thing.

Im in round 4 of ac and I wasn't prepared for the cumulative effect. Ive been in  bed for 4 days and just today started to find energy. To me chemo is like the dementors from Harry potter. It sucks your physical goodness for a while. But I guess its the point. Kill those fast growing cells and regrow better ones. I still have 12 weeks of taxol and im bracing myself. I was grumpy as hell last chemo  but I just had to drive through it. None of this is normal and I can't be normal. 

Cry if you need to, rage. Whatever you need to get by. There is no right. Just surviving. 

Dear @Tasia,

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time at the moment. Maybe this online event will help answer some of your questions and give you some hope to aid your recovery. I hope so. We all need support. Best wishes, xxx

Breast Cancer Trials Q&A Event from 6-7pm, 7 October 2020 (AEDT).
"We have a wonderful line-up of esteemed breast cancer researchers who will be speaking during the event and ready to take your questions.
 
This has been an incredibly tough year for both breast cancer patients and their treating teams. So this event aims to offer a safe and informative opportunity to hear about the latest in the following important topics:
Breast Cancer Trials: Research Update
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Breast Cancer Recurrence

To watch the Q&A, please click on the following link and enter your details:
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Dear Shellshocked2018 - your post has arrived at perfect timing, feeling deflated and dreading tomorrowʻs chemo. Just when I think, I have gotten on top of 1 or 2 symptoms another jumps out like an annoying jumping jack. I have a pain under my right arm pit and a tender (swollen maybe right side throat gland).  The good news, the mouth ulcers and oral thrush have eased up and the face rash has taken a sicky and left me alone for awhile :-) xxx

Tasia , you Can do this, and YOU HAVE GOT this.
The power of the mind is unbelievable, meditation and mindfulness will get you through the bad days.Stay positive.
Sending hugs xx

Hi @Shellshocked2018 - Your personal journeys rekindle hope and belief that this can be and will be ok, thank you xxxx

I see and feel the intensity of the waves and they scare me, the demands are greater with depleted energy. I try to refuel by doing what I feel my body needs of me and half my energy is used up looking for ‘me’ as I’m wandering around ‘lost’. 

I believe and trust that if this shitfest has such a strong hold on stripping one’s life apart and our body, mind, soul, spirit can still while wounded, bandaged, pained, confused stand up to it - there are cavities of wellness and strength inside us which hold greater power for survival. I am clutching on...weakly at times but trust the natural bodies healing power. Maybe I sound whacky (?)

Can do this
Can do this....

Many, many thank yous xxxx

Hi @Mazbeth, no apologies needed for the length - all of it is so very much welcomed.
I don’t know of anywhere else where I can reach out at anytime and someone generously touches my hand with personal stories. My heart warms and smiles when I read of your outcome for you xx

Day 4 and the waterworks come on, gently streaming down my face for no apparent reason - except perhaps that I opened my eyes, feel a warm flush. A new experience - just had cycle 3 and another symptom (?).

‘Letting go of known and stepping into unknown terrain, remoulding life like a slab of clay’ is how I am trying to stay positive, focused and forward steps’. Trying is my key word - sometimes I slip but years of resilience and life teachable moments picks me up, it feels weaker, surreal. 
I have lived in Brisbane and returned to Sydney when Covid showed up; I chose to become a working gypsy in my career life or more accurately, it chose me. I’ve just become a grandmother again and feel the cancer has taken something deeper away from me - all the drs suggested maintain higher level of distance with covid during AC and try to do the balancing act with family/friend support. Not an easy gig but has been manageable with much creativity.

I have tapped into the LGFG prog but did feel overwhelmed and didn’t connect with others - I wasn’t even connected to self. Smoothies - strawberry blueberry high on food intake and fresh superfood juices when I can. Appetite is all over the shop. I am keeping mobile and find qi gong helpful - do what I can to stay present and in the moment. I work for self and find my mind sneaks away to how that part of life is deteriorated when I can’t maintain my normal level of work. I see my small business crumbling creating other obvious concerns. I hold the dove of hope that my brain city lights will remain stimulated. Cancer NSW have linked me in with counselling and a buddy which I find of great value. 

I give much thanks to you for sharing, helping steady my wobbled self xxxx

Hi Tasia, I was also diagnosed with Triple Negative BC October 2018.
Surgery, 6 months of Chemotherapy, more surgery, 30 rounds of Radiation.
Im now 12 months post treatment and cancer free.
You have got this.
Take one day at a time. I called it my roller coaster ride, your mind and body are up and down all the time, a lot like the waves in the ocean, some are bigger than others.

Hi @Tasia, This is going to be a long one - sorry.
I am sorry that you are on this path and I can totally relate to everything you are feeling. I still have days where I ask myself, ‘what just happened to the life I knew so well?’ However, I want to reassure you that you will dig deep and find your way forward. I heard this saying and it has helped me so much - the speed doesn’t matter, forward is forward. You will get there. I am not sure where you are based, I am QLD so Covid restrictions are not as severe, but I tapped into some support  - Look Good Feel Better. I really had to muster up a lot of courage to go as I just felt completely overwhelmed with everything, but it was the best decision as I met a group of girls who are now wonderful friends - the silver lining in the shitfest! 

I did 4 x AC and by the 4th round, I was pretty knocked around - could barely get off the couch for 9 days. I was just completely depleted of any energy. The AC builds up each time so by number 4, you are on the mother load. I had a little nausea on day 3, but I took my nurse’s valuable advice - take the meds as soon as you feel even a little twinge of sickness. I think that advice was the best thing. When you have come from a place of never having been to hospital, broken a bone, taken medication to now having a full chemical assault, it’s difficult to understand how you got to this place. Also, those steroids are messing with you and in particular, your sleep pattern. I joked that I could be a 24 hour Uber driver as I just found sleep evaded me. A couple of things I ate/drank to get me through- strawberry smoothies, fruit tingles, cordial.
I am not sure if anyone has suggested taking a Claratine (usually a hay fever med) for your bone aches - worked really well for me. My nurse told me about it and lots of girls do the same.

Chemo takes its toll physically, but I found that the mind game was just as (if not more) challenging. I knew I needed to get my head around everything, so I sought professional help. This helped me to sort through and clarify everything. I too am in a career where we I am used to recommending professional help etc, so I was very comfortable using it too. Cancer Council also offers great services which are free of charge. I learnt to reframe my thoughts to ‘in this moment’ and this helped me to focus on the now and not get too far ahead of myself.

I then did 12 taxol and it was completely different - energy started to return, hair started growing at about number 7, no more nausea. I had steroids for the first 2 rounds (reduced dose number 2 round) to make sure I did not have an allergic reaction. Once I had done 2 rounds with no reaction, no more steroids. You are right though, taxol has its own set of issues that you just need to watch out for. Everyone reacts differently and its hard to say how each person will respond until you are actually having it. For me, taxol was much better, but by the end, my joints (feet and hands) were getting a bit stiff and creaky. 

I finished chemo in May, had my surgery in June with the start on reconstruction. I have just started a gradual return to work and I am moving forward - all things that just seemed so hard to imagine back in January. The people on this forum helped me in so many ways. Another piece of advice I got here was that chemo ‘is grotty but doable’ - just so true. 

You are now half way through AC - closer to the finish. Celebrate these milestones as you go. I had a calendar I marked off as I went along, but break it down into little chunks. Here’s another quote, ‘when eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.’ Not that we will be doing that, but it makes a good point of tackling a big challenge by breaking it into much smaller pieces.

I am happy to help in any way as you go along, but let’s just get you though this first bit because it is doable and you are doing it. Of course you are going to have days where you get the wobbles and that’s where we will steady you up and dust you off. Sleep when you can and take care. I am sending you a hug and I know you will dig deep, your own strength is going to surprise you. X

Hi @Jennim, I am deeply sorry to read your 2nd journey on the treadmill. My own hand is shaken but extend it to you x here if and when you need to chat, vent. You’ve got this too x
What I have learned about cancer over the years (not as a cancer patient but career or support friend) is that it enter, exits, and at times rehoused itself in bizarre ways. I lost my mother to cancer..Stage 4/ palliative 14 years ago and many friends over the years (various cancer forms)  - some survivors varying from 12-35 years of living life clear and free. 
The lens I look through now is my own cancer landscape - and I’m trying to find my way, slow down and breathe it in and out, I feel ill prepared and drawing on all the personal and professional tools in my tool kit..while simultaneously trying to digest additional things as they arise.
I am having a MRI of brain next week to rule out any further nasties.

Hi @Mazbeth, did you have AC chemo? May I ask what side effects you experienced? I find chemo fog on starting Day 4, worse day is day 5 where I want to curl up in a foetus position because I feel so disjointed from whatever ‘my normal self’ looked like and managed cognitively emotions flare up and I breathe, self talk, go for short walks, look upwards but still can’t shake off - who is this person walking in my shadow? I have never been a big sleeper and I’m generally an early riser ready to embrace the offerings of the day...now sleep has reduced significantly. Hence, why I am up writing at 1,45am. Listening to soothing music to help find sleep. Oddly my brain doesn’t feel like it’s racing, just awake (toilet breaks, water breaks, temp checks, mouth wash breaks to relief the mouth sores. Then I feel the symptoms of both aches following the white cell injection (pegfilgrastim)
I am told that the 2nd lot of weekly, 12 week chemo is milder yet I have read that the side effects can appear in other brutal ways. I guess there is no escaping the unknown symptom beatings only that this shitfest has crept into our lives and we do the impossible to cope in the most possible individual ways... I’m coming from a place of I just don’t know. What I do not is that this forum and wonderful people helps. Thank you xx