Hi @Tasia, This is going to be a long one - sorry.
I am sorry that you are on this path and I can totally relate to everything you are feeling. I still have days where I ask myself, ‘what just happened to the life I knew so well?’ However, I want to reassure you that you will dig deep and find your way forward. I heard this saying and it has helped me so much - the speed doesn’t matter, forward is forward. You will get there. I am not sure where you are based, I am QLD so Covid restrictions are not as severe, but I tapped into some support - Look Good Feel Better. I really had to muster up a lot of courage to go as I just felt completely overwhelmed with everything, but it was the best decision as I met a group of girls who are now wonderful friends - the silver lining in the shitfest!
I did 4 x AC and by the 4th round, I was pretty knocked around - could barely get off the couch for 9 days. I was just completely depleted of any energy. The AC builds up each time so by number 4, you are on the mother load. I had a little nausea on day 3, but I took my nurse’s valuable advice - take the meds as soon as you feel even a little twinge of sickness. I think that advice was the best thing. When you have come from a place of never having been to hospital, broken a bone, taken medication to now having a full chemical assault, it’s difficult to understand how you got to this place. Also, those steroids are messing with you and in particular, your sleep pattern. I joked that I could be a 24 hour Uber driver as I just found sleep evaded me. A couple of things I ate/drank to get me through- strawberry smoothies, fruit tingles, cordial.
I am not sure if anyone has suggested taking a Claratine (usually a hay fever med) for your bone aches - worked really well for me. My nurse told me about it and lots of girls do the same.
Chemo takes its toll physically, but I found that the mind game was just as (if not more) challenging. I knew I needed to get my head around everything, so I sought professional help. This helped me to sort through and clarify everything. I too am in a career where we I am used to recommending professional help etc, so I was very comfortable using it too. Cancer Council also offers great services which are free of charge. I learnt to reframe my thoughts to ‘in this moment’ and this helped me to focus on the now and not get too far ahead of myself.
I then did 12 taxol and it was completely different - energy started to return, hair started growing at about number 7, no more nausea. I had steroids for the first 2 rounds (reduced dose number 2 round) to make sure I did not have an allergic reaction. Once I had done 2 rounds with no reaction, no more steroids. You are right though, taxol has its own set of issues that you just need to watch out for. Everyone reacts differently and its hard to say how each person will respond until you are actually having it. For me, taxol was much better, but by the end, my joints (feet and hands) were getting a bit stiff and creaky.
I finished chemo in May, had my surgery in June with the start on reconstruction. I have just started a gradual return to work and I am moving forward - all things that just seemed so hard to imagine back in January. The people on this forum helped me in so many ways. Another piece of advice I got here was that chemo ‘is grotty but doable’ - just so true.
You are now half way through AC - closer to the finish. Celebrate these milestones as you go. I had a calendar I marked off as I went along, but break it down into little chunks. Here’s another quote, ‘when eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.’ Not that we will be doing that, but it makes a good point of tackling a big challenge by breaking it into much smaller pieces.
I am happy to help in any way as you go along, but let’s just get you though this first bit because it is doable and you are doing it. Of course you are going to have days where you get the wobbles and that’s where we will steady you up and dust you off. Sleep when you can and take care. I am sending you a hug and I know you will dig deep, your own strength is going to surprise you. X
