Are you Caring for a Partner & Parents with Dementia/Alzheimers
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My heart breaks for you lovelies. It is hard to look after yourself if you need to look after someone else, which is hard if you don't look after yourself. Vicious circle. I have to admit, I would be tempted to drug them up one night a week. I find if I get just one good nights sleep a week I can cope better. Please remember, you are important too. Sending massive hugs.3
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Thanks @Blossom1961 - it'll take 7 days for the meds to kick in before I can hopefully get a full nights sleep again - I just hope I haven't become 'set in my ways' and stay 'awake'! Sadly, the meds may also keep him awake too!! But if it helps regulate the incontinence, we'll work it out.
Hugs back at ya xx
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OK ... the tablets didn’t work and the urologist opened up for us on Xmas Eve and changed the meds to a patch called Oxytrol. What an AMAZING difference almost overnight. If your loved one has incontinence .... ask about this product! He still has the occasional leak, but no more 3-4 times a day and night but now wears pads and pull ups more as insurance .... I actually slept thru a couple of nights!
In early January, other things happened that resulted in a dual hernia diagnosis .... and he had an operation to effect a repair. Unfortunately the surgeon encountered problems and couldn’t complete the op without possibly causing damage to other organs due t what he could see in the abdomen, so he took samples for biopsy and closed him up. He was in hospital 4 days, recovering, and told all the nurses that I’d abandoned him there for no reason! LOL. His dementia was speaking!
A week later we saw the surgeon for his report and the biopsy and he said it was cancer. The report showed it was metastatic, from his earlier stomach cancer in 2010. He had most of his stomach removed back then from a particularly aggressive cancer, followed by chemo. It had returned, elsewhere. The surgeon organised a PET Scan for last Wed and today we got the results and report.
Advanced cancer in numerous sites. Surgery is not a consideration. I should hear from my Onc tomorrow for an urgent appointment to see what treatment options are available to him. Radiation is unlikely, as that targets specific tumours and I think he has too many.
The dementia also means he’s been almost blissfully unaware of everything and keeps forgetting his diagnosis ... which is almost good! He is not in pain or discomfort and I hope it stays that way - apparently this is not unusual for dementia sufferers! One of the few benefits of dementia. I have Plan B for pain control too, as I don’t want him doped up on opiates if pain DOES become an issue.
This really sucks. Covid stuffed our plans of travelling last year .... and now this.
Hug your partner and kids - and if you notice something ‘weird’ with your body .... don’t wait! Get it checked out. Even if nothing is found ‘then’, it becomes a part of the history and the Dr may remember that when someone else complains of the same thing!0 -
@arpie I'm so sorry for the terrible news. This insidious beast sucks those it has afflicted dry from the inside out. A small mercy which you mention is that the dementia removes his awareness of his condition, but fuck me dead...that's really small in the mercy department. I wish I could give you the biggest hug. but you are (both) in my heart. The Cosmic Clowns are truly warped and psychotic...mean and cruel. Big (((hug)))...Ally.1
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What a bitch!
Swear, cry, stamp your feet and hopefully that will expel some frustration.
Sending hugs
Best wishes
Take care1 -
What was the old saying "Life is a bitch and then you die" (although it may have had a stronger word in the middle). The part along the way at the end of life should not be so cruel.
As you know, my friend's husband passed away last year with similar. She found he was even more confused and would not eat when on the patches so she stopped them and he was a 'happy chappy' again. Dementia has some benefits as he did not know what was wrong and felt no pain, which was a blessing.
You remember to look after you as well in all of this. You are in our thoughts.
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Thanks guys xxx it sucks. You’d think I’d be used to it now!! One of our friends with colon cancer is not doing well either. A tough time all round.0
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So sorry to hear this @Arpie, please reach out to BCNA if you need anything and take care of yourself.2
