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Mum recently diagnosed



  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,755
    @Formymum19 - that is terrific.  I can understand her reluctance to go away just now ..... in a funny way, I faced that 10 years ago when my husband had major cancer surgery & we both knew that 75% don't make it to 5 years with his condition & I sort of hunkered down, waiting for something bad to happen.  When it didn't - we started doing small trips, then went to NZ, then UK, then Mexico .... staying closer to home now tho.

    Re your holiday with your Mum - get onto Otis Foundation and make enquiries (even for next year!) and you could have a lovely free holiday with your Mum and other family members!  I stayed at the Snowy Mountains last year & it was wonderful.

    As @kmakm says, our 'organising skills' changes a bit - but hopefully the further down the line we go, it will get easier to make those holiday decisions - even booking them 1 year ahead!

    All the best for your Mum and you xx

  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,960
    Interestingly, one of the recognised side effects of PTSD from returning soldiers after WW1 (though of course it wasn't called PTSD back then) was the inability to plan anything for the future.  
  • Formymum19
    Formymum19 Member Posts: 14

    ddon said:
    I am not being negative, it’s just our reality. 
    So, when she talks of not being here for things ahead just give her a hug and don’t brush it off with ‘of course you will be’ - she needs to be heard. 

    All your responses were so lovely. This point in particular @ddon

    I hadn't considered it from her point of view, not to that extent i guess. I can't imagine how it feels not knowing whats next, it must be so scary. But i will do that next time. Mums not much of a affectionate person but I will just be there for her any way i can. 
  • Afraser
    Afraser Member Posts: 4,390
    Dear @Formymum19
    A ‘holiday’ may seem too much to plan ahead but a day out - at the sea, in the country, at some beauty spot - may be worth considering. Nature is a wonderful healer (have a look at the On Our Walks thread!) and several hours away, from normal day to day stuff on a bright, sunny day, can invigorate the senses and the mind. If nothing more, it’s good talking time. Best wishes.
  • Formymum19
    Formymum19 Member Posts: 14
    September  2020  update. 
    Mum has been on the same treatment since diagnoses and she was just told that she has multiple liver mets. So the treatment plan has changed to capecitabine and anastrozole. And see how she goes. He did say that usually the palbociclib she was on only usually works for 6 months and she got a year from that so thats a positive. 

    The fact that he is going to try oral chemo before IV chemo is good, isnt it? 

    I hope everyone is doing well. 
  • jennyss
    jennyss Member Posts: 1,983
    Dear @Formymum19,
    It is great to hear from you.

    from jennyss in Western NSW
  • Cathyw
    Cathyw Member Posts: 123
    Welcome and don’t be afraid to ask questions. It’s a long road travelled and your mum will have to jump a few hurdles, so she’ll appreciate your helping hand... and arm... and shoulder, all the best to you and your mum
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,755
    Oh gosh, my heart is breaking for you.  You are being the most wonderful, supportive daughter ..... and good on you.  xx  You are carrying a very heavy burden ... and I 'get it' as I am in a similar situation - but with my husband.   It is tough.  I hope you have really good friends & other family around you for support, too.  The palliative care people are REALLY lovely - and have counsellors if you need to talk to someone to help you cope too.  They also have volunteers who will sit with your Mum when you need a break, as she becomes more vulnerable and they will also provide equipment (wheelchairs etc) as you need them.   I know your Mum will enjoy her garlic seafood lunch and Baileys on ice YUM! .. and spending time with you on Xmas Day - make memories ... 

    Take care and we are all thinking of you xx
  • Julez1958
    Julez1958 Member Posts: 1,160
    Oh dear that is really sad news.
    But your mum is lucky  to have you there for her.
    Take care and virtual hugs.🌺
  • Locksley
    Locksley Member Posts: 950
    @Formymum19 sending you a virtual hug.  I have a close relationship with my daughter as well and I cried reading your post.  You are being a wonderful support to your mum treasure the time you have. I hope she enjoys Xmas.  Lots of love xxxx
  • Cath62
    Cath62 Member Posts: 1,343
    @Formymum19 what a wonderful daughter you are. I don't have a daughter but I do have a son. I cherish every moment with him and I am sure your mum cherishes you with her, helping her and being conscious of her needs.

     Cancer has taught me alot about being in the present moment and being grateful for those moments with the people I love and who love me too. You sound like you understand that from sharing the journey with your mum. 

    This Christmas will be so very special for you. I love the sound of the garlic seafood and Baileys on ice. I am going to have seafood too and probably some champagne 🥂. 

    Enjoy being with your special mum. She will love what you are doing. Sending you a virtual hug and much love x
  • FLClover
    FLClover Member Posts: 1,555
    It’s so wonderful of you to be so good to your mum @Formymum19. She appreciates it, that much is certain, even though she may not show it. It is sad that the chemo didn’t work 😢. I hope this holiday season is lovely for you both ♥️♥️