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Re: Mum recently diagnosed
I just realised I haven't come back to thank you all for the kind words. We have such a beautiful community here. The last few months have been really rough but I'm taking it day by day. Mums funeral was in January and was a small beautiful service that she would have loved. Her ashes will be scattered in wildflower season here in WA as she requested. She currently hangs out on top of the piano (that she adored) next to a photo of her. I'm living in her house until it is sold, thats been pretty difficult but i think it has also helped in some ways. I've fixed up a few things and I have regrets that I didn't do them for her while she was alive (basic maintenance stuff) When her home is sold, it will be very bitter-sweet. She lived in this house since 1985. I grew up here, my sister grew up here and my brother for some of his life. She put her heart and soul into this house and did so much DIY, in mum fashion alot of it remained unfinished (this house was a fixer upper back in 1985 and it's beyond help now) I plan to keep a few things from the house to put in my future home which will help me feel close to her i guess. Grief is a funny thing, people say it comes and goes in waves and I see that now, I had a pretty good week the other week, for the first time in months and i looked at my toes and i have the same toes as her and it hit me that, despite that shes gone, a part of her lives on in me, it was a beautiful moment, small but significant. I want to take a second to acknowledge the hospice and staff. Mum was a public patient and went to a hospice that was for public and private patients and the facility was lovely. This place was basically a 4 star motel, room service, amazing staff. It was an honour to be able to be there for her in her final days and hours. She was comfortable and free of pain (she loved the morphine) mum was very drug cautious her whole life and when they gave her some morphine she was as high as a kite and we had a good laugh about it. Thankyou for taking the time to read this, for all your lovely kind words. I miss her alot but i take so much comfort in knowing shes at peace and hopefully has an endless supply of books, ginger beer and coffee icecream wherever she is.Re: Mum recently diagnosed
Hi everyone, The last few weeks have been a rollercoaster, since mum stopped all treatment, she started to get unwell pretty quickly. I've written this post so many times but keep changing what I want to say. Mum went into hospice to have fluid drained from her abdomen and her health continued to decline, she went to hospice not even two weeks ago and she passed away yesterday afternoon. My sister and I were there with her and she passed peacefully and she is now free from any pain and suffering. I'm feeling so numb right now, my heart is broken, I always knew this was coming but no matter how much you prepare, you are never ready. I have so many things i could write but I cant seem to get my thoughts together. I miss her so much. Thankyou to all of you for your support and kind words over the last 2 years.Re: Mum recently diagnosed
Thankyou everyone for your lovely words. We are all here for the same reason because either you are personally going through this or have a loved one who is. It's such a tricky thing to deal with and despite everyone saying im being a great support for mum, it doesn't feel like I'm doing enough and i know that stems from my own insecurities and self beliefs about who i am as a person. I wasn't a great daughter to my mum for many years, especially as a teenager, i had my own mental health struggles and blamed her for alot of it, while being too young to understand she had her own trauma that affected her too. Thankfully we had a huge talk not long before the diagnosis and i told her everything about how i felt growing up and that i now realise that she had her limitations emotionally due to her upbringing. Long story short, weve hashed out all we need to, long before this journey started and im so glad we did, we arent overly affectionate or get talking about our feelings often but ive made sure I've said all the things i need to tell her and how I'm grateful for the knowledge, love and help she has given me over the years and i hope that kind of opens the door for her to be able to express whatever it is she needs to before she passes. I hope that when she does pass it is peaceful and she doesn't have any regrets. When we are young we idolise our parents and seem to forget they are people too, with flaws, they will make mistakes and my mum did the best she could with what she had and i will make sure she knows that. Im getting emotional writing this. I love her dearly and watching this terrible disease take a little piece of her every day has been very hard and for those of you who are experiencing this yourself, i know you want to protect your family from what you are going through but i promise you, all they want is to be there for you. Obviously i can't speak for everyone because the journey is a very personal one but thats just my two cents. I can also only offer my side of the story too as i don't know what my mum is feeling, i can get a little out of her here and there but i dont want to push her either, if she wants to talk about how she is feeling she will in her own time. I have recently had a fair amount of time off work also due to the news and I'm so very lucky i have a boss who has offered to have phone calls, coffee and has told me to reach out whenever i need her. She's been just incredible. Again another novel 🤣 thankyou for being a safe space for me to vent, share and for the lovely words. What a beautiful community you have here and i hope you are all doing well ❤ Please be kind to yourselves.Re: Mum recently diagnosed
Hey all, It's been quite some time since i checked in. Mum had a couple of different types of IV chemo, the last one being gemcitabine and it made her incredibly ill and didn't do a thing for her cancer marker. In 8 weeks it went from 220 to 2700. I'm not really sure what those numbers mean but mum has decided to stop all treatment and will be meeting with a palliative care team in December. I knew this day would come i guess i just thought it wouldnt be so soon. We are now getting her affairs in order and I'm trying to be there for her as much as possible. She seems to be up and down emotionally which is totally understandable. But shes a very stoic woman and hasnt cried or anything (shes not the type to lean on someone) more of a factual, well this is happening type. I can sense shes feeling guilt and probably regret just in the way she had said some things and in usual mum fashion when i offer to do things for her she asks me why I'm doing it 🤣 to help you silly. Shes the most stubborn, independent woman I've ever known and i take after her in that way and I made sure i told her how much i admire her "i don't need no man to do anything for me" attitude, shes so headstrong and we have butted heads 1000s of times over the years for it. I wouldnt have it any other way. I mean that in an endearing way. I know when the time comes its going to break my heart but as long as she gets to go out peacefully and is as comfortable as possible thats all that matters to me. Ive also been very careful to try and not mother her too much because she is so independent but i do constantly remind her that I'm here and i will do whatever she needs help with. Yeah i don't really know what that whole post was about. Just a info dump/diary entry i guess. I dont know how much time mum has left but i do think this xmas will be her last so i will make sure she gets a garlic seafood lunch, with some baileys on ice and a good book to read (all of her favourite things) I hope everyone here is doing as well as can be expected.Re: Mum recently diagnosed
September 2020 update. Mum has been on the same treatment since diagnoses and she was just told that she has multiple liver mets. So the treatment plan has changed to capecitabine and anastrozole. And see how she goes. He did say that usually the palbociclib she was on only usually works for 6 months and she got a year from that so thats a positive. The fact that he is going to try oral chemo before IV chemo is good, isnt it? I hope everyone is doing well.Re: Mum recently diagnosed
ddon said: I am not being negative, it’s just our reality. So, when she talks of not being here for things ahead just give her a hug and don’t brush it off with ‘of course you will be’ - she needs to be heard. All your responses were so lovely. This point in particular @ddon I hadn't considered it from her point of view, not to that extent i guess. I can't imagine how it feels not knowing whats next, it must be so scary. But i will do that next time. Mums not much of a affectionate person but I will just be there for her any way i can.Re: Mum recently diagnosed
Hi everyone, i just wanted to pop in and give an update. Mum recently saw the oncologist and he is really happy with her cancer at the moment. He said the met in her spine is stable, her lung mets are a little smaller and her breast tumour is shrinking slowly. I'm sorry i forgot to respond to the last post in regards to my mum smoking, shes been smoking since she was 17 and won't give up now. We have discussed taking a holiday interstate (perhaps next year) when restrictions lift. Shes hesitant to plan anything due to her diagnosis, she's convinced she will die at any moment, despite the oncologist telling her that shes stable. I think that maybe it depends on her attitude on the day, kinda thing. I have suggested mum see a psychologist to discuss her situation etc but shes very stubborn and is the way she is and i can't force her to do anything, despite how frustrating it can be, i just want her to be her best, happiest self. I hope you all are staying safe and healthy xRe: Mum recently diagnosed
My mum eats mostly a plant based diet due to meat and dairy making her feel ill, she still loves a chocolate here and there. Shes never been much of a drinker so thats not an issue, she is a smoker and i highly doubt she will give up now she's got this diagnosis. We have discussed doing some yoga together at home which i think will be great for her. Thankyou so much to @kmakm for the info about the Otis foundation. I'd never heard of it and i will definitely mention it to her, i suspect she will be too proud to want to use it though. But i will discuss with her, I've been trying to convince her to take a holiday for a really long time and i think she could really use one. I don't think shes been on a trip anywhere for at least 10 years.Re: Mum recently diagnosed
@Dory65 I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know how i will handle mum not being here any more, i know it could be years but i know its coming eventually. All my life i knew the day would come where my mum would grow old and possibly ill. I always thought that i would be more prepared. But you're never prepared for something like this. I'm just happy shes well for now. I know there will be ups and downs. I'm glad for the most part shes realistic about her diagnosis. I must have clicked the quote button and i dont know how to change it 🤣Re: Mum recently diagnosed
Just thought I'd pop in for a quick update. Mum has been doing really well on ibrance and anastrozol (spelling) Shes about to start her 3rd or 4th round of ibrance. Shes in good spirits, coping really well, we saw the oncologist today and her cancer markers are up from 83 to 88 but he said that could be due to the cancer reacting to treatment and may go down. (I'm not familiar with what marker it is or what the level is meant to be) Obviously there are a ton of questions i want to ask the oncologist for my sake but it's not my journey so i always ask my mum if its ok to ask a certain question before doing so. I asked her today if she wanted to know life expectancy, she doesn't as she doesn't want to count down as she put it which is understandable. Judging on the research Ive done she could have years and years left and its one of those things i guess that it all depends on how well her body responds to treatment. Mum will be 70 this month and I'm going to organise something special for her (with the help of siblings) I won't lie its really hard to come to terms with the fact that eventually cancer will take my mum so I'm trying to make the most of now. I feel almost guilty for sometimes forgetting she even has cancer, shes doing so well on treatment i tend to forget. Then the reality steps back in, I'm scared for when she does IV chemo (i asked the oncologist today and he said at some stage she will have it) My heart goes out to everyone affected by cancer and i can't imagine how hard it is to go through it or watch someone you love go through it. Wishing all you lovely people the best.
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