I am just past two years from BC.
It is only now that everything has hit me so deeply.
What I had, what happened to the before me, losing friends, so many things just falling away one by one.
I feel so tearful and confused most days. I have seen a psychologist. I am exercising. I am back at work. And everything is going well and then I remember again what I had. The treatment, the loss, the surgery, the aches and pains, menopause, hair loss, hair change, weight gain, poor memory, fear of recurrence, not able to relate to anyone, not able to relate to anything I had before, feeling so very alone.
I have a wonderful husband and children.
I have no support, no contact with my family of origin. Its a toxic fractured relationship. I grieve for all that was lost through missed opportunity.
It feels like all I do now is grieve and cry. I am taking 4 weeks off work to try and sort my head out and come to terms with the grief and fear that seems to constantly take up my day.
Does anyone else feel like this? Feel a huge amount of grief? Maybe I didn't process any of this when it was happening. Maybe I am just like this now. A strange version of who I was before.