Today's feelings in poetry
Lucky So lucky, people say. That they caught it when they did That it hasn’t spread That they got it all That I have insurance So, so lucky. That my friend told me about her cancer That I finally moved my arse and Went and had that mammogram That I live in the lucky country So lucky That my prognosis is good That my job will be there for me That I am surrounded by family and friends With their love, soup and casseroles. Lucky. That my new set are perkier Smaller, Scar-rier, numb-ier. A bit lopsided Like me. Some days though, I just feel A tiny bit Unlucky.
After 13 years and 2 diagnoses today the biggest celebration yet...
After 13 years and 2 diagnoses today my Oncologist gave me a discharge. A day I NEVER believed would come or would be possible. To anyone who is at the beginning, don't let go of hope that you will get through this. It's definitely not lost on me the many that don't make it this far. So I feel humbled and incredibly reflective of the 13 years that have brought me to this day and to my new normal of who I have become. In 2011 I was diagnosed with ER+ left breast cancer, underwent biopsies, surgery, radiation and tamoxifen. Until 2015 at my yearly checkup the unthinkable, impossible happened, I had a recurrence in the same spot in spite of all the treatment. My world shattered for a 2nd time, another surgery and chemo which was no picnic but I look back and think wow kid...you did that! it was damn hard and you were so sick, but you made it out the other side, put on Arimidex and switched to Aromasin. 1 year on 2017 I was recommended to follow with a mastectomy, so I had a single done and diep flap reconstruction, massive op and difficult. So 6 monthly visits to the Surgeon and Oncologist since 2015. I gave the AI's away about 2 years ago, I had been taking them for 10 years. Thrust into menopause during Chemo, so that was hard to contend with. 6 months with an Exercise Physiologist to help me. Prolia injections 6th monthly for 8 years and today is the day the Oncologist gave me wings to fly...a feeling I've not known throughout the whole ordeal. A closure to this chapter and a possibility of moving forward with my new normal. I managed to get back to work in 2017 and haven't stopped. I work full time in Education particularly in behaviour management and my biggest passion was to publish a book of Poetry which I did recently. Something I may never have done if not from walking this path. I feel more connected to me than I ever was. So today I celebrate just for now I will sit with no thought of what tomorrow might bring. Live a great life everyone, and trust that you are brave enough and strong enough to get through it. PS: This is a link to my first book https://amzn.asia/d/i1vI8JN for anyone who is curious. Hugs xo Melinda
Tattoo Questions
I’m over a year out of mastectomy, and 6 months since corrective surgery on the dog ear I ended up with. I’m in regional WA, and looking for recommendations for a tattoo artist who has worked on scar sites. I know I will have to travel to Perth or maybe further. Has anyone in WA had a tattoo over their mastectomy site and who do you recommend? With thanks! cle
Cancerversary 🍀
Hello lovely ladies. Today, on April Fools, I celebrate one year since my double mastectomy. Mixed feelings, for sure. It hasn’t been easy, that goes without say, especially with the whole surgeon saga happening. I’ve found out he left tissue behind in both breasts, in areas that were shown suspicious on the pre-surgery MRI. And he didn’t highlight those areas for pathology to check, so not sure what there even was there. He also refused to test further post surgery. Luckily my beautiful current surgeon is on top of it. However, I am still grateful that I had the surgery, as it rid me of those treacherous lumps in both of my breasts. I felt very happy after it, because my body knew most of the ‘evil’ was gone. So it’s definitely a positive thing, and I will celebrate in some small way. Emotionally, I’m so much better than what I was then, it’s hard to put in words. This forum had a lot to do with me getting better ♥️. It’s a special place 🕉. So did my current surgeon and her practice manager 💜💙. Anyway, to all the newbies, and all those struggling, it does get better. Hard to see that in the midst of despair, but nothing is permanent, so happiness and confidence will enter our lives again when we are ready to accept it and fight for it. Cheers to a cancer-free future 🤞🍀🥂
Go Forth...and live your life!
Hi Everyone, It has been a LONG time since I have been back online. The past few months have been one hell of a road trip indeed. The months away have been spent, trying to get through numerous rounds of chemotherapy, each one systematically throwing endless side effects that eventually took their toll on my health. I spent a fair bit of the time crawling my way from bed to bathroom with months of diarrhea and having a good cry session at how "crap" my life had become (pun intended). I had several trips to the hospital with chest pains that had the doctors pretty concerned, only to realise my body was rejecting the chemo but I persevered till the end. I THINK the doctors thought telling me "Wow, we didnt think you would survive?" was somehow reassuring - ah that would be a negative! Thinking I would get hopefully some sort of break between chemo and radiation was delusional. 3 weeks after finishing chemo, I was laying on my back, topless getting zapped for 6 long weeks. My skin handled the radiation exceptionally well, until 8 days after the last dose, I woke to horrendous pain, the loss of the use of my left arm and covered in about 400 blisters from mid torso to my neck and around my side. I discovered I was highly allergic to the flamazine cream, which created huge open ulcerated sections and I looked like I had been baking myself in a 3000 degree oven. Thankfully, all is healed and I am back to looking "normal". The energy levels are still low, the metallic taste is gone, I can no longer look at a Pork Chop without throwing up and ice blocks are still my favourite go to food! I still need the odd afternoon nap, however one good thing has occurred - I have lost over 11 kilos and feel happier. I must admit, the visit to the Oncologist to begin the next step in life - "what tablet shall I swallow each day?" brought some very interesting information that had previously been unspoken by the medical team. It is amazing when a new doctor takes over from the old one and inadvertently informs you some facts that had been kept VERY quiet, in fact I think the C.I.A. would have been impressed by the secrecy....it has made me wonder whether the rather blase comment of "Go forth and live your life" uttered by the Radiation Oncologist was a standard routine comment, so they can sign you off the books? When the word "IS" is uttered and not "was" when talking about my BC, made my eyebrows raise. Anyway, while I wrap my head around the sheer fact that I have surprised my medical team by actually surviving - no, I am not joking! They seemed to take great joy in telling me that over and over. I am trying to get my life back into some sort of actual semblance of activities that dont evolve around the word "Cancer". Slightly hysterical in actuality considering that has been the number one bloody owner occupier of my life for the past 12 months! By the way - Letrozole (Femara) seems to be the chosen tablet for the next 7 years of my life. I have been researching the side effects and I seriously hope and pray, my body along with its constant companion LUPUS, doesn't resort to throwing every single one of them at me! I am to be honest, dreading it. If you have managed to get this far......I have a question - has ANYONE REFUSED to take the medication and if so, how has it affected you?? I am asking merely to give myself various options so when i see the Oncologist - I go armed with information and not merely accepting their word as gospel. I have learnt over this past year, as much as I wanted to hide my head - I cant and couldn't. I needed to know what I was up against and also in some cases have serious discussions as to alternatives with the Medical team.... just so i could survive. So for the next few months, while I do the routine scans, tests, bone density, teeth check and wait to see the Oncologist again - I am looking forward to welcoming my third grandchild into the world (our first grand-daughter), see my beloved friend get married to the Love of her life and spend time swimming before the cold once again hits us. Life is sweet....hectic but sweet. I can now enjoy simply being LOIS once again.... Big hugs and thank you for reading this! LoisNED and fantastic medical teams 💕
Today I am officially NED 😃🤩🥳🥰. On the 4 Dec, I finally had my left nipple removed, and today at my post op appointment results came back clear. After my nipple/skin sparing mastectomies in April, it was the last thing that needed removing as it had traces of DCIS. This surgery was supposed to be done in April, but long story short, I had problems with my first surgeon (anxiety and trust issues) and so I sought a second opinion, and consequently changed surgeons. Then, under my new surgeon’s care,I saw a fertility specialist, med onc, had bilateral radiation, and finally two weeks ago the nipple removal, which was done under local anaesthetic at my request. It was in a proper operating theatre, just that I was awake the whole time. And it was one of the most positive and interesting experiences I’ve had. There was no fear as I fully trust my new surgeon. She answered all my questions throughout, and we even had a good laugh about a mole I also had removed. Overall, it went remarkably well and I went home feeling really happy. Sometimes, I feel I have to pinch myself to make sure it wasn’t just a daydream, like I was having back in April and May when I was in my depression, not sleeping well, not eating well, and with heightened anxiety, all caused by my first surgeon in relation to this surgery. The way he wanted it done made no sense, it seemed unnecessarily invasive, I kept being told different things, and I got absolutely no information or support about my cancer in general. Meetings were rushed and there was no empathy or compassion. Also, he refused all other options of treatment I suggested, saying they were not possible. As soon as I saw my second surgeon, things changed. I immediately started sleeping well again, anxiety eased considerably and depression lifted completely. I was given loads of info, different treatment options and meetings were long, with detailed and very patient explanations. All my questions were answered thoroughly and there was genuine empathy and care. Polar opposites. Now, I no longer fear hospitals, and my trauma around surgery has eased considerably. Every time I have an appointment, I actually look forward to it and don’t stress and lose sleep. All my concerns are validated, and decisions respected. I get detailed answers as to why something needs to, or can’t be done. Also, all my suspicions about the things that didn’t make sense with first surgeon were proven right. I know that this is how it should always be, but unfortunately it’s not. Very definitely not. The treatment I get from my surgeon and her practice manager goes way above anything I could ever have hoped. Seeing them gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling, like the one you get when you hug your favourite teddy bear, or when you’re in front of a beautiful fireplace with a sizzling fire on a cold winter night. The feeling you get when you come ‘home’ 😊. It’s not something you can force, some people just have this gift naturally. I thank the universe that I am lucky enough to have found them (through this forum!) and today to be in this wonderful place emotionally and psychologically, and NED 🥰. And I thank myself that I listened to my intuition, as hard as it was at the time. I have since met many other specialists who are also brilliant. This ride has been difficult to say the least, but considering everything, I really can’t complain right now. I hope the universe continues to look out for me, and to keep beautiful people like these in my life (for prevention of further c, not treatment! 😆). I also wish the same to all you lovely ladies, also on this extremely unwanted ride. Good luck, don’t rush important decisions, and always listen to your body and intuition, as they know best! 🍀🥰♥️ Mon XxxBespoke Bikini
Hello Beautiful People. It’s been a while since I posted. 3 months since mastectomy and starting tamoxifen. im healing well and almost back to full exercise. It’s been getting very hot and I’m trying to get comfortable at home without baring my remaining boob ( hubby and I call it bob.) Sarongs aren’t really comfortable anymore, and tank tops/ singlets are too hot. Today I suddenly remembered the adjustable triangle bikinis in my draw that I rarely wore. Took one triangle off the strap and I have a you beaut monokini for around the house! My husband thinks it’s hilarious. But it’s perfect for at home. I look like a giant pirate! 🤣 I’d like to think I could wear it at the local pool but I think it would be too out there! The scar will probably terrify the general public. I’m very happy with my invention and wanted to share here, just in case it helps one of you lovely ladies and also cos there’s nowhere else I can share this that would get it! 🙂🥰😬Big Thank You! 💝
@Afraser @arpie @kezmusc @iserbrown @AllyJay @Blossom1961 @Sister @Shellshocked1 @mum2jj @nikkid (sorry if I’ve forgotten anyone) I’d just like to give a massive shoutout to these very special ladies. From the moment I joined, I’ve felt so supported and cared for thanks to all the practical and wonderful advice these ladies are always willing to provide to lost newbies and older members alike. This is very important, as sometimes this is the only proper support we can get. Most of the time I don’t even need to create a post, as I can just read through all the helpful tips they’ve already provided countless times to others. I’ve realised that at the beginning, when we’re all terrified and confused, we go to sites like these for help. But once we’re past the initial stage and we become more familiar with it all, and somewhat better, we tend to just move on with life and not be so regular on sites anymore. It just happens naturally and unintentionally. However, these ladies have stayed on this site for years, literally, and continue to very selflessly give advice and comfort to ladies (and men) whenever they need it. That’s VERY SPECIAL 💖, and I hope you ladies understand how much we appreciate it. Lots of love to you all 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🙏🏻🎉🤩👑 ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️I made my 5 year milestone from my 2nd diagnosis :)
Hey All! Been a very long time since I've posted in the main Forum, however I felt it important to share this. My first diagnosis was in 2011, I underwent a lumpectomy, radiation and tamoxifen. 4yrs later at my routine yearly checkup, I was diagnosed with a recurrence in the scar tissue of the lumpectomy :( it was a 2.5cm tumor ER+ Stage 2, Grade 3 aggressive. I had a lumpectomy, chemo and put on Arimidex in January 2016. 1yr later due to my Oncologists recommendation and Genetic Testing which was negative, I had a single mastectomy/diep flap reconstruction in Feb 2017. To say the path over the past 9 years has been incredibly soul destroying on every possible level, I know that every single one of you here will identify with that. It was a long road to recovery, my world was ripped apart at 2nd diagnosis and I honestly didn't know how my life would ever be the same or remotely normal again. To be able to say I hit 5yrs for the road I have traveled is enormous, in so many ways. Not only did I recover I'd say to possibly 90% capacity, I've been back at work full time now for 2yrs, it is tough at times yes. I have just bought a new home after moving across Melbourne 2yrs ago and got a new job. I start 2020, not just with a blessing that I made it to this, I bought a new home but I also got a promotion. If anyone told me 5yrs ago this is where I would be? I would not have believed it...how could anyone?? I didn't feel anything was possible anymore and I didnt know how this experience was going to redefine who I was or where I was going. To anyone out there beginning this road, hang in there, whatever feeds your soul..DO THAT! nurture you and honor every bit of you along the way, this is what I learnt. Life is a blessing, a gift, Ive never taken it for granted and I still don't know what is ahead...but today I will celebrate because I worked so hard to get here. Don't give up...one step at a time and don't ever apologize when you fall...just make sure you get back up.. You can all do this...keep going.. Hugs xoxo M
