Forum Discussion

Bravo's avatar
Bravo
Member
6 months ago

Baring all

News story about showing off the scars doesn’t consider the trauma of seeing this. There’s a lot of discussion about bringing breast cancer to the attention of the public. With one in seven women likely to experience this disease I’d think it was already noticed, without having women undress to show scars.
Also some of us don’t appreciate being reminded. And some think their medical history is a private matter. I was having a coffee with a dozen people in a cafe when my friend casually announced to everyone that I’d had breast cancer. Why is this okay?
coping
emotions
mastectomy

4 Replies

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  • Cath62's avatar
    Cath62
    Member
    6 months ago
    @Bravo speak to your friend about how you feel and your wishes for privacy. I don't think it is up to anyone to share your health news but the fact is people do. I originally told a few people and asked them not to share my news. They did. I think they did not to offend me but to deal with the news themselves. Everyone is affected by your cancer, not just you and everyone reacts differently. As for seeing medical scars etc that's different for everyone. I am not traumatised by any medical sights but my sister is. We are all different and we need to communicate with each other how we feel etc. People aren't mind readers. If someone doesn't want to see something, look away or tell others that you don't want to see such things.
  • Afraser's avatar
    Afraser
    Member
    6 months ago
    Horses for courses. Part of being a good friend is understanding the sensitivities of others (and likewise forgiving a bit of stepping on toes!). But surely the standard is - follow the lead of the person concerned - if he/she doesn’t raise the matter, don’t you do it! Personally, I don’t have any problem about someone referring to my having had cancer, most people know that by now, there’s always the hope that knowing someone has had cancer, is still around and looking perfectly healthy, may help someone still struggling with early bad news. I’ve never been in the habit of whipping off my clothes in front of others, but years of examinations have made me quite blase about doing it when required. I have a large scar, some may find it ugly, neither I nor my partner do and that’s as far as it needs to go really. I take some joy in my body - it’s undeniably old, a bit battered and some bits are not entirely reliable but it’s done a great deal, had a lot of fun, seen me through some scary things and continued to contribute to daily discovery and satisfaction. It’ll do
    me. 
  • Bravo's avatar
    Bravo
    Member
    6 months ago
    Actually she is my friend still. Our relationship goes deeper than an uncaring comment. 
    When my mother had surgery and decided to reveal her scar to me, unannounced, I saw something horrific that I can never un-see. It’s not just about the breast cancer patient feeling better about baring her body; the feelings of the  people who get a surprise ‘eyeful’ should be considered too.
  • GorgyS's avatar
    GorgyS
    Member
    6 months ago

    It is not okay, and she is not your friend. One of the things I learned through my experience with BC is the importance of reminding people about privacy and confidentiality. It may seem like common sense, but not everyone understands it. You should have control over sharing information about your health, but unfortunately, that’s not always the case. I feel that we need to educate the community about breast cancer awareness, but we must do it smartly without making us uncomfortable. Or making others uncomfortable. 

    I organized a breast cancer awareness event at my workplace, and I was touched by how many colleagues joined the morning tea and brought plates of food. Some of them did not know about my BC and I did not disclose it on that day. They came because they are passionate, and they had or have someone going through the cancer. I felt fully in control and confidently shared the information and pamphlets I received from my McGrath nurse. Luckily, my workplace is absolutely amazing. Privately, I maintain control by eliminating and avoiding people who lack common sense.