The wheels fell off my rollercoaster.

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2

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  • Kiwi Angel
    Kiwi Angel Member Posts: 1,952 ✭
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    @kezmusc hope u r feeling better lovely. Big hugs xo
  • Blossom1961
    Blossom1961 Member Posts: 2,377 ✭
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    @kezmusc Sorry I am a bit slow headed. I just realised. YOU had wheels? I thought everyone was like me and just slid on their butt. Lots of hugs lovely. xxx
  • tigerbeth
    tigerbeth Member Posts: 539 ✭
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    @kezmusc hope this day finds you better ! @kmakm been on several cruises & yes many americans cruise in their twilight years !!
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974 ✭
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    @tigerbeth I'd like to think that one day my husband and I will manage one but given my luck I doubt it. 
  • Giovanna_BCNA
    Giovanna_BCNA Member Posts: 1,839 ✭
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    Hello @kezmusc so glad to hear that you are feeling better, its ok to have the sad party.
    Take care of you!

  • Kiwi Angel
    Kiwi Angel Member Posts: 1,952 ✭
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    @kezmusc sometimes I feel like I have become bipolar - some days I feel really flat and the next day I could feel really happy  :|
  • Silba
    Silba Member Posts: 115 ✭
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    @kezmusc
     I feel the same , my boss rang me up when are you coming back ?? I have no brain , still getting over radio , fatigue all the usual crap that goes with Tamoxifen and mets.
    Husband is out of work  cause he has been looking after me and self employed, trying to get back into the game, broke, we have gone through all our savings , but we don't qualify for any financial relief from Centerlink since we are paying a mortgage and have no dependents , kids are grown( financially helping since still living at home , only reason still managing in a super tight budget )

    So best thing , sister in law wants to take me to Melbourne for a weekend , I rather have the money ........can't say that ,she will get offended. rrrrggghhhhh!!!!!

    So yesterday had my first lot of scans after all the treatment, cried on the way there, don't ask why , just feeling like crap had enough of them so everything should have been cool , right ??

    So , yep we have all been there , winning Lotto would solve some of the problems the only thing ,gotta have the extra funds to play.

    So I am gathering up courage to return to work in May , hoping my brain will respond I also need to be retrain as new systems have been updated.

    Picking up everyone's crap and cooking like a mad woman all low calorie no sugar of course, in the hope of remaining sane.

    My one indulgence and happy place , is to read and escape to wherever I want to be ..........

    So we all need to vent....

    Take care , we are all here to read (listen) and support also add our little vents.

    xx


  • Silba
    Silba Member Posts: 115 ✭
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      PS :Can't do the cruise , get seasick on a ferry......

    But all you ladies can enjoy for me ....
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974 ✭
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    @Silba Sending you a big virtual hug. Will you be in Melbourne for our lunch? K xox
  • Milly21
    Milly21 Member Posts: 122 ✭
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    It’s interesting I was never a very emotional person before cancer,now I can cry or get emotional at drop of a hat,watching news ,song on radio anything,I’m not sure if it’s hormonal treatment or I’m still a bit of a mess,finished treatment 2 years ago and still think about the cancer daily, not sure if that’s normal,probably several times a day.
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974 ✭
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    Chat with a counsellor or your breast care nurse @Milly21? If you're feeling that you're stuck in that particular thought groove it might help move the needle on. K xox
  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Member Posts: 3,372 ✭
    edited March 2019
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    I finished two years ago as well @Milly21
    I think about cancer most days. Hanging out here probably isn't going to help me stop doing that. For me, there is a difference between thinking about cancer and worrying about it. It's everywhere. In the news, fund raising, people you know, advertising....

    I suppose Ive taken the approach that I can't avoid it so I might as well stop trying. If I'm going to get 'triggrered' every time I see someone wearing a daffodil broach or walking down the street in a two year old Relay For Life top or wearing an ill fitting wig or a turban while sporting no eyebrows, I'm doomed to a life of perpetual anxiety.

     Personally, Im hyperaware of every new ache or pain or any noticeable change in my body. That will never change, so I might as well stop worrying about that too. It's still stressful, but there is nothing to be done but try to live the best life I can. 

    I've got a date this mornng with a friend who's just found out her cancer is back. I'm finding that prospect a little challenging but this is not about me and while I'm feeling quite stabby right now I'll have to get over that in the next hour or two. It's not helpful for either of us. 

    I'm going to go for a 'jalk' then spend a bit of time smiting the wood pile.  I'm so pissed off about all the things this disease has taken from me--its killed my friends and taken my freedom, destroyed relationships and completely fucked over my finances and my career. But what can we do? I try to channel my anger into doing something constructive but I'm not very good at it. Practice will make perfect? I live in hope. Mxx
  • kezmusc
    kezmusc Member Posts: 1,544 ✭
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    Yes, the perpetual loop.  It does cycle around in your head.  It's rare that there is not a conversation streaming through my brain, either from the forum, overheard at work or just randomly at 2am for no particular reason.

    I am sorry about your friend @Zoffiel.  I am sure you will rally to the occasion and be an incredible support to her.

    Have fun in the wood pile.  Considering I did bugger all last week I have plenty to keep me occupied and catch up on at the moment.  Busy normally works for me as well. So does smashing stuff LOL

    Results are back from CT, U/S and mammo.  No changes to the mystery alien thing in the breast, but hello endometrial thickening and ovarian cyst.  Apparently about a 40% hit rate for this while taking Tamoxifen so I've just been told. Didn't know that one. Add that side effect to your list too @arpie. Blah.

    So ya fucking hoo, lets go for a pelvic and vjj ultrasound! Geez I wish I could grow enough balls to just flick this drug.  Not yet though.
    Does anyone ever think how bizarre it is to be scared of your own hormones that were put there for good reason???? I find it quite absurd really.


    AAgggghhh stop the world I want to get off. :)





  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Member Posts: 5,552 ✭
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    That's why I picked up a Gynaecology Oncologist, thickening of the endometrium and high risk for uterine cancer.  My symptoms were directly attributed to Tamoxifen.  I have been his patient for a couple of years now and did my mandatory time on Tamoxifen, then Letrozole and now Aromasin.  Last ultrasound showed my ovaries had shrunk!  Yay!  Fancy being excited about shrinking ovaries!  Hence, it all helped us to conclude, as I said in a different post to this, the hurdles of BC and our decision to retire, even though we are not retirement age!  Stress plus is not needed!

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