Feeling Down
Comments
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Wow! @Annie C - how amazing - you helped other families thru such a difficult time by making their loved ones look more peaceful ..... we SO take all these things for granted! xxxx
I used to do wood turning too!! I eventually bought a face mask as I had a few too many bits flying off at a million miles an hour as they disintegrated! LOL I've kept a couple. I had my own trailer, chainsaw, everything!
When we moved from NZ back to Aussie, I had to sell it as we couldn't bring it over with us! 
Then I got into Wine Making (using fruit!) SO MUCH FUN & yummy tasting (and STRONG!!) You never get a hangover either, as you don't use chemicals in it! I am a good one for trying something for a short while (except Ukulele and kayak fishing - which I will NEVER give up! )
Oh dear - the anniversaries are a bit tricky, aren't they? My '6 month' diagnosis anniversary was 4 days ago & I've just been checked out again for a lump in my other boob, today, as I discovered a lump a few weeks ago & had to wait for an appointment in Port Mac - both mammogram & ultrasound - both of which 'let me down' 6 months ago. I am cautiously optimistic that all is ok - as they didn't give me a definitive answer today - so I have to wait til Thurs pm for the official reports. It is tough - this bloody waiting. ALWAYS the waiting!
How sad - Missing your NZ holiday would have been heartbreaking ..... it would have stuffed me up completely - and then to have to spend all the $$ on your treatment - even more heartbreaking. We are here for you xxxxx1 -
@arpie
How lovely and thoughtful of you to send positive and warm thoughts. I found last week quite difficult. Could not understand it - after all it has been a year. And that's just it. It was a year ago when I had so much to my life. A holiday to look forward to, sewing which I enjoyed and made a little extra from. Then life bit me on the bum. Having to travel to Perth for the first 12 month scan bought back all the memories of that traumatic time.
And to add to the stress of the memories the scans showed up 2 areas of concern. I was fortunate that the clinic did all follow up tests while we were still on Perth and the good news is that the areas of change are to be monitored with a follow up ultrasound in December and like you I am cautiously optimistic that at this stage all is well. I am pleased to be home in our beloved Kimberley but at the back of my mind........
Anyway I wear size 10 RM Williams boots and they are the best for kicking this bitch of a disease right in the bum!
I loved sewing the coffin pillows. They had to be perfect. (That's because I am a nit picking perfectionist)! The funeral director said to "just sew them up- no one is going to see the stitching". Could not do it. Corners had to be perfectly turned, lace stitched straight, thread matching.
My sewing room is along side my husband's wood turning room. Every so often I hear a "thunk"as a piece of wood has spun off the lathe and hit the wall with a swear word being even more audible.
Losing the NZ holiday was sad especially as we were married in the Christchurch Registery Office in November 2015. ( We had been together 21 years and finally got around to getting married!) We chose New Zealand because family and friends were getting too involved! We eloped!!!! Will always have fond memories of Christchurch.
My husband wants to know if you have ever made rhubarb wine. And if so did you have a hangover from it? A friend of his was from Russia and his rhubarb wine was pretty close to 100% proof!
I will keep you in my thoughts for Thursday and pray that your results are good.
Take care
Annie
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.....We chose New Zealand because family and friends were getting too involved! We eloped!!!! Will always have fond memories of Christchurch.....
We came back from NZ to Aussie to get married as all my family live in Aussie .... we did it on a boat that only took 50 - so no kids invited (except my brother's daughters who'd come from the UK & were both under 10.) Some were pissed off 'their kids' weren't invited - shame! Didn't worry us! LOL Our wedding, our rules!
Woohoo - so next year is your 25th!!! Something to really celebrate - perhaps with a trip back to NZ if you can?
haha - Sometimes the air was BLUE with swearwords in MY workshop! LOL ... and the occasional bit of red - blood, hence the face mask!
No, I never made rhubarb wine - tho it would a good one to try! My favourite was Tangelo (sort of an orange/mandarin cross) that was gorgeous - and also I made wine from Guava (very aromatic) and Feijoas (also very aromatic tho the colour wasn't as pleasing as the other 2.) I didn't realise that whilst the fruit was fermenting, if you added more sugar to make it 'sweeter' - that actually increased the fermenting & it just became dryer (as in 'dry wine') and more potent (as in 80% proof!) LOL hahaha that rhubarb wine would have REALLY had a kick to it!! Not sure about the hangover - but I reckon you would have lost the use of your legs first!! (that happened to me the first time I drank copious quantities of aquavit! I could still hold a valid conversation, but lost the use of my legs!) I just couldn't stand up! LOL I haven't made any wine since moving back over here in 1999!! I've still got some of the bits .... you don't need much! Mainly, just 'air locks' to stop fruit fly & oxygen getting in.
How wonderful that you took so much care with your handiwork, even tho not everyone would have an open viewing. It is all in your pride of workmanship xxx
Thank you so much for your best wishes - one of my uke ladies came with me for company & it was great fun, chatting with her all the way up & back! My husband usually just falls asleep in the car as soon as we leave home! LOL I've got fingers & toes crossed for the results & will also be getting checked out again at the end of the year - my supposed 1 year anniversary of finding the lumps! Yes, That was terrific that they could do all your tests in Perth whilst you were there and the results were as good as could be hoped for.
Take care - I hope things are less difficult for you from here on ..... and remember - every the morning, go outside and face the sun - all the shadows fall behind you! xx 1 -
@arpie
Well 25 years together, married for 4!
Your anology of the sun and shadows must be the reason why I must have my first coffee of the morning at sun up on the front verandah. Ah bliss.
We are actually considering going to Norfolk Island. Given how we lost the NZ holiday we would rather remember New Zealand with pleasant and good memories.
What I loved best about the coffin pillows was that I knew a lot of the families. The Kimberley may be a big place, however the population is small. You meet a lot of the families and watch their children grow up at rodeos, "Townies" versus "Bushies" cricket matches, Picnic Races to raise funds for the RFDS and Kimberley School of the Air, picnics and fishing outings to the river and fundraising bush dances that are held at the stations. You might not see someone for 6 months but when you meet wherever, it is just like it was yesterday.
People in the Kimberley knew that we got married before we came back from NZ (we kept it quiet but the bush telegraph was buzzing)!
Same when I was diagnosed. Station families from a couple of hundred kms away were offering support and help. It was very humbling.
Take care all and hope all goes well for everyone.
Annie
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Hi there @Kiwi Angel. What you’re feeling is totally ok. Sounds like you’ve got good support from your hubby. Stay positive it will get better lovely. And @arpie. Fingers crossed all your results are good and @Annie C. Keep those boots on they are absolutely brilliant for kicking bc in the arse and balls when necessary that’s for sure. I’m sure you could also find some other things or people for that matter to kick them with too lol. And how clever are you with your sewing @Annie C !! I had to let my scrubs pants down when I started this job earlier in the year and while I was waiting for my lovely friend to fix them properly I unpicked them stapled them then used a nurses best friend, micropore tape to finish them off! When I handed them to my friend to fix properly she laughed at me..... don’t know why??? Lucky I don’t cook how I sew lol or else we’d starve! And @Zoffiel is always bashing smashing building screwing painting and sawing some bloody thing! I’d lose a leg if I had to use a chainsaw I reckon! Big hug. Margie. Xx4
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I think a lot of our feeling down is the aftermath of our fight or flight response to the battle, even years later. Since I've had this recent SVT fast heart rate happening I bought a color doctor wrist blood pressure machine which also checks my heart rate. A few times like for instance yesterday when a Telstra rep rang and we had to go through signing up for NBN, something new and me with a Tamoxifen brain of a 15yr old I got very anxious and felt rather sick during the call. Afterwards I checked my blood pressure (usually its very low) and it was through the roof in the triple red section. So yes we are at a heightened sense nowadays and the flip side of that anxiety effort is a worn out feeling down. As long as we can meditate and exercise we'll get through it but denying it could be dangerous. We are survivors together. 2
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@onemargie
What is is about nurses and sewing?!!!
When I was offering a sewing, alteration and mending service I had many a pair of nursing scrubs that had been stapled, sticky taped or safety pinned! Used to have a quiet chuckle to myself about their nursing skills that did not match their sewing skills. And doctors were worse!
Annie1 -
@Annie C ....Well 25 years together, married for 4! .....
They all count! Are you a Kiwi? Back in 2015, Poor old Christchurch would STILL be looking a mess We've visited a few times & I still find it so sad. My stepsister & hubby were there the day it happened .... they were driving out around the countryside, so missed the actual carnage (felt the jolts tho) - but when trying to drop the car off at the airport (supposed to fly out that day) they were told to keep driving, so they did! To Nelson & flew to Auckland from there to fly home!
...I must have my first coffee of the morning at sun up on the front verandah. Ah bliss....
WONDERFUL .... nature is amazing in her healing - that's why I am out on the water so much - all my worries just fall away. I just love it.
...We are actually considering going to Norfolk Island..
You'll love it! It is such a calming place. Lovely people. There are some REALLY GOOD TRAVEL DEALS on just now too. It is a tad warmer than here too - but you'll still need your warm gear. Probably half the population either went to school in NZ or have lived there .... it is like a smaller NZ, I think - say, in the 1950s! Only MUCH smaller!! It is such a peaceful place, altho just now, they are rebelling about being under the jurisdiction of the NSW Gov!! Most deals include your accommodation, some evening meals, a pot luck dinner at 3 homes, a car for driving round .... and 2 or 3 tours around the island. I'm taking a bunch of uke players back there next Sept, 2019 for the uke festival again.
Yes, the support of rural/country folk is just terrific - you don't often feel 'alone'. (Sometimes, as you well know, that can also be a tad intrusive as well, tho! LOL) They also know that next time, it could be them that needs the support. I was amazed when having my radiation up at Port Mac - it seemed as if half of Forster was up there!! You don't live in each others pockets - but they are there when it counts!!
Many thanks, @onemargie
I have fingers & toes crossed, big time!! They both indicated there was nothing to worry about - but that's what they said in Dec as well! (Tho I have more faith in these two .... I hope!)
haha I SO recognise your sewing skills!! Staples are my best friend - AND safety pins, Annie, tho I find the modern 'made in china' ones just don't stand up to the brutality of the old solid ones!! I also have that Iron On 'mendit' stuff that is terrific too .... it holds the hem in place whilst you staple it or safety pin it ..... I'm currently trying to work out how to replace 2 pockets in my favourite 30 year old pair of jeans (I have Scottish Ancestry! SERIOUS!) - it is trickier than it looks- I actually thought of sewing a sock around what's left of it! LOL Any tips? ..... Currently, my hands (and phone) go straight thru it!! (Often leaving a trail of tissues when I forget & shove some in the pockets! LOL) I LOVE my old jeans - they go up to my waist and don't fall down - they are a flattering design for my somewhat solid body ..... not like these slim fit hipster things that show your bum crack when you sit down!!! AND they are nice solid jean material that is warmer than the current really thin stuff.
Oh dear, @Brenda5 I hope your heart thing has settled down tho that phone call didn't help! Hmmm, the bloody NBN - don't get me started!!! They stuffed us around something chronic & somehow we were without out mobile as well as landline & internet for 3 weeks!! Just make sure your mobile phone is all good and not attached to NBN - cos your landline (if you have one) will then go thru your computer as well ..... so when the internet/power is down, your phone line is also down!! No good in emergencies! (We used to have HEAPS of 'outages' here - less so now thank goodness.)
Take care everyone - be kind to yourselves.
Just remember, for every shit day, there are probably 20 times as many good days!! Think about it .....in a year - 30 shit days (hopefully not all at once ....) and there are 320+ GOOD DAYS! xxx 1 -
Made an appointment to see the shrink at the end of next month (first available that she had that suited me). Had to ring my oncologists office to get her number and the receptionist there said she was lovely too.1
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@Kiwi Angel Another well done Steph. You're getting shit done today. I finally made my appointment, seeing her next Monday. I am finding living with the mood swings very challenging (menopause or cancer or Letrozole or all three?) and I want to see if there's a way of living with out a pit of fear in my stomach and without wanting to cry pretty much all the time. Still feel like there's a touch of PTSD going on. Have you evet done talk therapy before? BC brought me to it for the first time. K xox0
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@kmakm. I did some counselling when my mother passed away about 15 years ago but not specifically talk therapy - what does that involve? I found a weird spot near my scar this morning and even though every test I have had in the last 6 months has been clear (even my most recent bone scan) I immediately thought "its back". Im seeing my surgeon next week so if its still there Ill bring it up with her. Think it could be a certain bra rubbing on the area. I don't think that fear will ever go away for me. Good on you making an appointment too xoxo0
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@Kiwi Angel By talk theapy I just meant talking to a counsellor of some sort! Sorry. K xox0
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@kmakm - that ok - I thought you were talking about some new fangled thing ;-)0
