Where did my gratitude go? I swear I left it right here somewhere...
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Ah, to paraphrase another person too punch-drunk to understand the concept of grammar "I luv youse all"
I know there is a school of thought that thinks acknowledging your own, or other people's, misery is bad for you. That's the same school of thought that used to refuse to discuss postpartum depression in case someone talked themselves into it.
The term 'like PTSD' also fascinates me. Just how much more fucking stressful do things need to get? That is in no way discounting the experiences of service or emergency personnel; this is not a competition, but lying on a trolley instructing someone to lop your tits off is a little bit challenging. Going to extremes to protect yourself via poisoning and irradiation in an environment where sometimes the stats for faith healing and conventional medicine are a comparable (in the low single figures) is not exactly restful. Being off work for months or years does not mean you are on holidays.
No wonder some of us have a wee bit of a struggle with the whole shit fight.
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Shit, isn't it! And I've got to say no to a brownie @onemargie Chemo has made chocolate tastes disgusting!0
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@sister I know I couldnt eat them during trestment either. I’m fact most things tasted like shit with the exception of beef chow mein. For some reason I could eat bucket loads of the stuff. Not so much the week of chemo but definitely the second week I washed it down with that mt franklin flavoured sparkling water.@zoffiel that’s exactly what it is a bloody shit fight. You need to put the gloves on and fight like hell. Big hug. Margie xx
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Hello @Summer Prevails sending you a private message0
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I can’t write properly cos I’m crying too much
thankyou for the kind words you all have sent me - just want to let you know I am still here
im fighting very hard to stop the evil shit in my head, all day I’ve had nonstop images of suicide and I am so sorry to dump this out there and worry people but it’s just the truth. Nothing feels real. I don’t know what to say.0 -
Oh, Summer P, you need to see someone one on one - counsellor, GP, whoever. Photograph it out. This shit is NOT forever and you will find YOU again.0
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I've pm'd you @Summer Prevails0
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I’ve PM’d you too @Summer Prevails. Margie xx0
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Good morning @Summer Prevails if I could be there to hold your hand and wipe away your tears I'd be there in a flash. Hoping you have someone close by you can lean on xxox
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I bought this sun-catcher when I felt the first spark of hope (recent events have tested that sorely, but I do love looking at her and being reminded, there is hope, especially reading of others' recovery on BCNA.) Pre-Raphaelite artist "Edward Burne-Jones - 'Spes' (Hope), Christ Church, Oxford. Detail from the Burne-Jones window in Christ Church Cathedral, Oxford depicting 'Hope'. Hand painted glass panel, approximately 12.5" long." Sending warmest wishes and hugs xoxo
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To all of the above ladies and their posts, you have written it as it is, I can add nothing more,
thank you,by reading all of this, I AM so grateful to be a part of this community, you are truly awe inspiring, down to earth tell it like it is,
wendy551 -
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OMG, all these posts have left me so emotional. I remember the feeling of hopelessness and pointlessness after treatment ended. What now? I didn't suffer depression, but carried a general feeling of disappointment around for months. I couldn't plan ahead and actually missed my medical schedule, which had at least given me purpose and focus. Plus, the crappy side effects of sudden menopause and tamoxifen, added to the chemo brain, made it seem like my life was a set of compromises now. It wasn't enough to be alive, I wanted to be back to my old self. The 'new normal' people spoke about turned out to be pretty shit. Some clever person suggested that I needed to start something new, which would take years to learn or complete. I took their advice and chose study, and I think that helped. I became lost in research, made connections on line with people who didn't know I'd had cancer treatment, and it forced me to plan ahead. I'm not suggesting that this is a simple fix- God knows, I have spectacularly crappy days sometimes, and feel a decade older than I am, but I did regain a sense of control over my life eventually, and the medical appointments grew less important. @Summer Prevails, you can ride this out with some help. It really will pass. Keep talking- there are lots of people who are listening and can help you. Our bodies mend faster than our minds and hearts do. I think it really is like a PTSD. Hang in there! Lots of love. xxx5
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@Summer Prevails just remember we are all here for you any time of day or night - with all our aches, pains and flushes there is generally someone there even in the middle of the night. Sending you lots of positive thoughts and huge hugs xoxo2
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@Ellamary98 You've written very well a lot of what I'm feeling. I feel incredibly disappointed with my life now. Pointless, hopeless and compromised. I ache, have lost my appetite, can't sleep and have increasing nausea. Everyone who's been here says it gets better. I have to trust that it will because this is no way to live, that's for sure.0
