Is that right? Did you really say that?

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  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,961
    Can you run away?  Or better yet - let Chickie bring in some possums.
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  • primek
    primek Member Posts: 5,392
    On my recent trip away when I met up with an old work colleague I filled her briefly in on my diagnosis, treatment, heart failure and long road to recovery and getting back to work and  how fantastic that  my recovery meant my husband and I are now back on tbe road. Etc etc. Her comment was...."but that was some time back wasn't it?"
    I mean for me it feels like last month some days. 
    I guess that meant...stop moaning. Lol no compassion ...I was flabbergasted..
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    edited July 2018
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  • primek
    primek Member Posts: 5,392
    Well Joannie...I know the person. There was none. 
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  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 8,078
    Shame, @primek  - I wonder if further down the track, if/when she needs a bit of compassion & empathy herself ..... if she will realise what she said to you & it's effect on you?  A real slap in the face.

    Take care & have a wonderful weekend xx

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  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,961
    ...with friends like that ...?  On one hand, it is amazing that you are doing something for you (as is your husband) that wouldn't have been possible a couple of years ago.  On the other, it doesn't mean that it can be done with the same free abandon of pre-bc.
  • Flaneuse
    Flaneuse Member Posts: 899
    @Sister @primek Sometimes I doubt that I'll ever have that "free abandon" again. But you ladies give me heart that more fun might some day be possible. When a friend asked me how I was last week, I said, "Some days are ok. Some are not too bad at all." She said in surprise, "Oh, so you're still up and down?" I'm not even 3/4 of the way through chemo! I know that unless anyone has been through it, or lived in a household with someone who has, they can't really understand. And it's frustrating that along with their lack of understanding comes kindness of a sort. She brought me a gift of expensive tea, with the advice, "Drink this instead of wine". I've not been drinking wine for months because it keeps me awake, and because it doesn't taste the same any more. Admittedly, she knew that pre-bc I used to have a couple of glasses a day. 
  • primek
    primek Member Posts: 5,392
    I did discuss her comments with another bc sister here. We both agreed that people have no idea what a ride breast cancer diagnosis and treatment brings. I think talking about it helps others understand how hard that journey is. I guess they just see the pink buns and think...breast off all done. We know that emotionally and physically the recovery is life long. I don't dwell on the comment but at the time I was actually speechless at the comment and felt it was dismissive of the diagnosis and treatment. However life is to short to spend anymore time on it. And I wouldn't be thinking of her as a friend I would call on when in need. 
  • Flaneuse
    Flaneuse Member Posts: 899
    Isn't it odd how when we're feeling vulnerable we're so sensitive to the weird things people say and how they're said? Someone just said to me, "You know, you don't look like someone who has cancer. I've seen a lot of people with cancer and they're pale and you don't look like that." What was I expected to say? Do you think I'm faking? Did they chop off a breast and give me chemo for no reason?