DCIS and feeling down
mrscords
Member Posts: 6 ✭
At the end of November I was diagnosed with a high grade DCIS. Having had no symptoms this was a huge shock for me. I tried to only tell close family and friends as I didn’t want to share my journey with the world. Mainly because I knew they wouldn’t really get what I was going through. I had many meltdowns with my work colleagues and my husband. I went through the whole “why me” and I went through many different feelings. Anger, sadness, relief that it was contained, denial and I was scared. I have a strong Christian faith and some wonderful church friends who were/are an amazing support. Once I shared with them what I was going through, I started to feel a sense of calmness. On Monday this week I had my surgery. I had a therapeutic reduction mammoplasty and sentinel node biopsy. Since my surgery I’ve found it very hard to look at myself without crying. As I’ve needed help to wash parts of myself in the shower and to put my compression bra on, I’ve had to rely on my husband to help. I was so anxious when he saw my boobs for the first time yesterday since my surgery. He wasn’t upset but I was. I feel like all the emotions are starting again. I have to wait till early January for the pathology to make sure all the margins are clear. Are there others out there feeling the way I do? I just thought that after surgery I would feel heaps better but at the moment I’m tired, sore and feeling sad.
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Welcome @mrscords.
So sorry to hear you feeling like that, but in answer to your question, yes, I think most of us if not all of us felt and feel exactly like you. Exactly the same feelings. Alternating between them. A year later, I still go through those emotions and feel some trauma from my first surgery back in April. And you need to feel those emotions, you really do. They’re a part of life and a part of you. Don’t chase them away, just acknowledge them, thank them and release them. Sometimes just sit with them until they pass. It’s a massive shock, very life changing, so it’s perfectly understandable.It’s also understandable to be uncomfortable with your husband seeing you. I doubt it’s a problem for him cos he loves you no matter what, but this is about you and how you feel about it.You have just started in this ‘journey’, it’s still very raw, so give it time. It’s especially stressful waiting for results.I do strongly suggest asking to see a psychologist. You can see one for free through your GP. I’ve been seeing one for 6 months and the help has been incredible. I went from highly anxious and depressed, to being happier than ever. It was very tough and challenging emotional work, but boy do I feel a lot freer.Do something nice for yourself please, because you deserve it. And do it regularly. And check in here whenever you need to. It’s a safe space with wonderful ladies.Hope you had a Merry Christmas ♥️.
Mon Xx5 -
Hi @mrscords
Any operation that requires a fair bit of time under a anaesthetic has some flow on effects that we aren't properly warned about. The day three post-op tearies are very common--your body has had a very odd thing done to it and even without all the emotional aspects of breast cancer, being knocked out and having bits of your body removed has some considerable side effects. It's a big deal, it really is.
That horrible slump feeling post surgery is something many of us are familiar with. Hang in there, just keep plodding along for the time being. Christmas is not an ideal time for this stuff (not that there ever is a good time to do it) but you are stuck with it for the moment. Try to do something nice for yourself every day, even if it's just simple stuff like ignoring the housework and reading instead. MXX
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@mrscords
https://www.bcna.org.au/resource/fact-sheet-breast-cancer-pathology/
https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/what-is-breast-cancer/ductal-carcinoma-in-situ/
The above links, if you haven't seen them already, may help with your understanding of where you are at and to formulate questions for your medical team
As others have said try not to be hard on yourself. Time out on the verandah with a cuppa or a walk may help or picking up a good book....something for you
Take care3 -
Hi @mrscords,
All of your feelings are completely normal for any sane human being. The diagnosis shock then active treatment is a hell of a wallop to a person. Any counsellor will tell you it's good to cry when you need to. I'm a year on now. You've come to the right place here. In this post-surgery stage, it's really important to do those exercises for your arm - to prevent cording or tightening of your arm and shoulder. Just gently.
Learning more about your diagnosis may ease your anxiety. I read these books lent to me by my lovely GP (if you don't already have a great GP, find one):
Breast Cancer, Taking Control
DCIS of the Breast, Taking Control
both by Professor Boyages, MD, PhD
Director and Professor of Breast Oncology at the Macquarie University Cancer Institute.5 -
Thank you everyone for your comments. It makes me feel better to know that it is normal to feel this way post surgery. My family have been so good and are looking after me. They won’t let me do anything. I’ve been doing my exercises for my arm. I think I’m just going to have to take one day at a time.I appreciate everyone’s kind words. I’m glad we have this safe space to be honest.5
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Welcome to the club that no-one really wants to join @mrscords ! Here, You can raise ANY issue, and get helpful replies from those who’ve gone before you. Nothing is off limits. We have ‘private groups’ for some more personal discussions .... so feel free to join any of them, if they suit you.
We all know the absolute turmoil that comes with the bc diagnosis .... specially after a ‘clear mammogram’ in the past and no family history. If you can, take someone with you to your appointments for support eg when you go back for your pathology - A 2nd set of ears also picks up points raised that you may have missed - and ask relevant questions too (as my Sister in Law did with me.) Also, consider recording your meetings on your mobile - so that you can go over it again later, if you have to, to query a statement, or just to have as a record.
Your whole world is turned upside down in a millisecond, as you navigate unknown areas of our health system! It is almost a conveyor belt! First you do this, then this, then go there and do that, then come back here and do this .... and it may take a year or two for your life to settle down.
The anaesthetic may well be causing you to feel ‘down’ as well ... it can take a week or more to work it’s way out of your system! Drink plenty of fluids to help flush it out!
It is totally 100% ok to skip between anger, denial, sadness - but if your find the sadness is overwhelming you, please seek professional help! Your GP may be able to refer you ... or your local Breast Cancer Centre May have help there .... where you are more likely to find a bc specific psychologist. Just talking about it openly and sharing it with a professional should be able to give you coping mechanisms ...
Where abouts are you? Town/city? We may have members nearby who can point you to all the services available to you - or even meet up for a chat, post Xmas, Covid willing. You can add it to your Profile.
You know the saying ... a problem shared is a problem halved, so well done on letting others know .... trying to bottle it up and cope on your own just makes it so much more difficult. That is terrific that you have the support of your family, friends and church .... Try not to be upset about how your boobs look now .... maybe try and consider them as ‘battle scars’ and YOU WON! If hubby isn’t worried, nor should you. xx
Personally I found that it mucked with my BRAIN more than anything else! And sometimes that is very hard to control, as it has a mind of its own! Keeping BUSY doing things you love is the secret, I reckon. Once you are able to, try and get back into your hobbies or take up a new one - even more so now with Covid as we can’t get together with buddies as readily as before.
Try & keep your sense of humour 'up there' - we have a really good 'funnies page' (called Friday Funnies, but we add them every day!!) Just click on the link to add pics and posts ...
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/19116/friday-funnies#latest
If you are into arts & crafts, we have a 'Creative Corner'
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/14979/creative-corner#latest
and if into your garden, a Gardening post as well!!
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/comment/186078#Comment_186078
We even have a funny Xmas page .... feel free to add any that you’ve seen!
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/20086/christmas-funnies-put-them-up-here-for-a-laugh#latest
Try not to use Dr Google as there is just so much conflicting information out there, and every BC case is 'unique' and it may only scare the pants off you!
All the best with your pathology results .... I had to wait over Xmas/New Year for my initial biopsy results and it was the pits! I just went fishing every day! (One of my favourite hobbies!)
For your checkups, here are some ‘tick sheets’ to help you put your questions together for your medical team - and also to help assess your mental well being ...
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/21973/questions-to-ask-post-surgery-of-yourself-to-your-specialists-tick-sheets-self-assessment#latest
take care, sit back and get waited on xx. Make haste slowly, as you don’t want to overdo things ...
You can do this xx6 -
Dear @mrscords
All the above is really helpful and worth going back to on the inevitable down days. As you will probably know, the question is not so much ‘Why me?’ as ‘Why not me?’ Breast cancer is unfortunately common and in many cases largely due to bad luck. Knowing that treatment can be very effective and that your life has hit an unexpected bump in the road (but not gone over a cliff) can help keep
your focus on the outcome (recovery) and not on the process. It’s not always easy, the process can be hard, but bit by bit you can get there. Best wishes.5 -
Just wanted to say hi, hang in there, things will get better. One thing I found helped was exercise. I started walking down to the corner - 3 houses, then gradually increased the distance. It was so good to see my progress, and to get out in the open air. Walking is good for a start, then you can go on to whatever you like doing.7
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Some words of wisdom given to me, get yourself a book right down all and any questions you have, and remember no question is silly, get a folder to keep all your results/reports in and remember there are a lot of people here who can help you. Also get to know your Breast Care Nurse, if you’re going to a Private Hospital who doesn’t have one contact the McGrath Foundation.
The women on this page are a fountain of information and have helped me so much5 -
Hi @June1952
i’ve found that since I put this post up and found that what I was feeling is quite normal, it’s made me feel better. I’ve also tried to stop taking the stronger meds and just take Panadol and I think that’s helping too. I haven’t cried the last two days. Today is only day 7 post surgery. I’ve still got a while to go before life returns to semi normal but I’m feeling more optimistic. So thankful for all the wonderful people on this forum for their kind, encouraging, and non judgement comments. I’m so thankful for everyone. xxx5 -
It sounds a bit hackneyed @mrscords but it is true - you need time. Time to take everything on board and time to heal. It's hard to imagine how much of a wrecking ball this thing is until you're going through it. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself the grief that comes with the territory. Do consider accessing counselling - some counsellors have more experience with cancer than others. If you can find something that allows your thoughts to untangle and settle, it can be helpful. For some it's meditation or gardening - for me it was walking. Take care and feel free to come back here for i4
