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Ditto MicheleR we are getting on with it.
I have avoided telling extended family n friends my mets diagnosis so less medical drama is what
works best for me
Bigg huggs my dear
All the best with treatment
Bright in hope2 -
Hi @Michelle_R
I think you nailed it when you said people can't keep up. The ride we are on goes so fast for us it is hard to process as it happens. It all takes a long time. Some people are always with us and some just can't stay on the path. I also understand not wanting to all about 'cancer'. We are not cancer, we had it. They cut it out and then we have our treatment so it doesn't return. We have lives and so does everyone else too. When I am talking with friends I just keep asking about them or try to talk about current events. I also talk about my future plans eg holidays. I move on from updates about my health as quickly as possible. I hope things go well for you.
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Dear MicheleR,
Do you have many friends?
I guess most of us have many acquaintances. Some people are easier to talk to than others.
I think when they ask about us, we tell them but don't dwell too much.
I've had the odd experience that because I haven't lost my hair, people forget to ask how I'm going.
Do you feel any better with your prosthesis?
I feel mine serves a purpose. I look ok out and about.
But I don't like being asymmetrical. So I wear it. At home I leave it off sometimes.
I think I will have a reconstruction, when everything has settled. My Breast surgeon doesn't want to talk about it until my anniversary of surgery.
You do have a little more on your plate than me. My children are grown.
Are your teenagers caring and helpful? Or being difficult like most teenagers.
Try not to be scared to ask them to do things for you or the household.
Are your Mum and Dad alive? And helpful?
I hope that your friends and family improve and come through for you.
I'm thinking of you. It is hard to imagine now, but you will get through this.2 -
Hi Abbydog,
I have a good handful of very long term friends. Most of us have children. I keep this circle close to me. I have many other people I consider friends but I don't feel the need to keep them all close. Ive been quite busy since I had children and worked throughout. My children are 12 and 15. I had little time for my own pursuits and I think was actually verging on workaholics. When covid hit initially I was happy. I work 50 kms away and I could work from home and spend more time with family. I also feel that my cancer is a good excuse to just stop and I needed it. All last year I had a life coach and I was trying to find time to exercise and have more me time.
I have an immediate team of 10 at work with flow down team of 70. My boss and many other people are in touch with me. Some people at work I consider friends (with limits due to my position).
I have a small family (parents and sister brother) in Australia. I have inlaws with sisters in laws and extended family on that side. They have been great. My parents I see all the time. They are in 70s and my dad has his own health concerns.
I shouldn't complain. My mind has gone to some specific problems related to certain things. Important to consider.
Michele2 -
Hi @Abbydog,
Re prosthetic its no so much about looks but more i find my other breast heavy and a bit droopy. My back aches. Ive only had it 2 days. I didn't wear to chemo as bra strap in way of port.
As im bald I already have a sign on my head that i have cancer. I dont feel embarrassed about the lopsidedness but im relieved to be able to wear my many long dangle necklaces again. I think right now im feeling conscious about my appearance because im covered in spots, bald and ive gained weight from ac chemo. Comments from others about my appearance have made me feel self conscious. I havent felt this before.
Michele2 -
My first week with my prosthesis resulted in some back ache - because I had been lop sided for 12 months! Once my back adjusted, I was fine. Best wishes.?1
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Ah, family. The other day during a phone call my mother said to me with a note of envy in her voice ‘you’re getting skinny (I’m not) while I’m getting fat (she’s not), because I can’t exercise like I used to’ she’s 85! I then spent the next 30 minutes listening to her moan about how ageing is sooo terrible. She still lives independently and plays croquet twice a week, gardens etc etc. I’ve round 4 of dose dense AC chemo next week which will be followed by 12 rounds of weekly chemo , then surgery in Feb, followed by 45 days of radiation. Yeah, ageing really sucks! Ha, ha, sometimes I make my husband make the duty call, cause it’s exhausting!3
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Oh @TrenzaloreACT 🤦🏼♀️. Well, I hope you’ve inherited her young genes and are also enjoying sport and gardening etc past the age of 85, with minimal pain due to old age 👊🏻🍀☺️4
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This really is a wonderful space to be able to say what's on our minds! I am really surprised by the people (family and friends) who have been there for me and my family and those who have not been during my breast cancer business. I realize some people don't know what to say ( I was probably in this category myself before my diagnoses). For me I think one of the hardest things I hear is ...you look well and you are so brave. These make me want to scream.
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I like the thought of being a complaining, ungrateful 85 year old - I will probably be well behaved and not do it, but if not then, when? My mother who lived to 93, and was staggeringly cheerful with a legitimate load to complain about, always noted that old age was not for the faint hearted and (very politely) told those who commented on her ‘good age’ that there was nothing good about it. Old age and cancer simply have to be dealt with, you have little choice in the matter. Bravery has nothing to do with it. The definition for bravery awards emphasises a choice - to place yourself in danger to help another. Given a choice, very few of us would choose the cancer card! Some of us get an easier run than others, and that’s often sheer luck.
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@MicheleR you actually DO have a right to complain! Cancer sucks and you have it!
Ah yes, it does sort out people in your life. But you know what? This is your journey, and your job is to look after yourself. You don’t have to protect or carry anyone else. Stuff em. They aren’t helping and you don’t have the energy.
On the upside, Cancer gives you an excellent excuse to rebuild your life and surround yourself with the people you want around you and want to be around you . Everyone else can rack off.
I wish I could be more eloquent, but my brain fog is grim! Just know you aren’t alone. I can relate.
Hugs Caz xx
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Tonight I went to a school event for my son. A newer friend I hadn't seen very well said to me "if ever you need to talk...I know someone at work with breast cancer who would be happy to speak to you". The conversation got worse when she mentioned someone else and then caught herself because they had died. At this point I thought I'd better save her and said its alright I have a reasonable prognosis and then feined tiredness and excused myself. Other people looked at me, flickered recognition then averted eyes.0
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MicheleR ....... and you give yourself an award and a treat for making your son's school event your priority. The other stuff is just noise, the backdrop against which we negotiate this roller coaster ride.Your son feels loved and cherished knowing his Mum went to school for him. Doesn't get much better than that.
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@MicheleR omg 🤦🏼♀️...those ‘well-meaning’ people. I guess it’s not really their fault, but sometimes their comments really suck. I can see myself getting really b*tchy in future with comments like that. I don’t like being rude, but there’s only so much a person can take 🤷🏼♀️
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