Friday Funnies
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This is my plan from now on ...
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THE PERFECT HUSBANDSeveral men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on abench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins totalk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.MAN: “Hello”WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”MAN: “Yes.”WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’sonly $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?”MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models.I saw one I really liked.”MAN: “How much?”WOMAN: “$90,000.” ;MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Janie andfound out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’reasking $980,000 for it.”MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probablytake it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what youreally want.”WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him inastonishment, mouths wide open.He turns and asks, “Anyone know who’s phone this is.....5
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An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h in 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with Tempo Mach 2 appears.The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus flight, boring flight isn’t it? Take care and have a look here!”He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, only to swoop down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks, "Well, how was that?"The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but now have a look here!"The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly stubbornly straight, with the same speed. After five minutes, the Airbus pilot radioed, "Well, what are you saying now?"The jet pilot asks confused: "What did you do?" The other laughs and says, "I got up, stretched my legs, went to the back of the flight to the bathroom, got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon cake.The moral of the story is:When you are young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, comfort and peace are not to be despised either.This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older, Smarter.Dedicated to all my friends who like me likes the S.O.S. approach!3 -
I can relate to this ......
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Yep, I reckon that would work ......Weight Loss Program.A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised.He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10lbs program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program."Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."He lost 33 lbs that week.5
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@arpie and it won't be finished today either!5
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@arpie all in good time no rushing no burnouts1
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Me too, @cranky_granny - I know I don't 'look like it', I know I don't 'act it', and I know I don't 'dress like it' ....
"Keep 'em guessing" is my motto!
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