Friday Funnies
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VERY Punny!!! haha
Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
Just so everyone is clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
My friends and I have named our band "Duvet". It’s a cover band.
I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
Why is "dark" spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.
Prison is just one word to you, but for some people it’s a whole sentence.
Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
I’m trying to organise a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
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@arpie I wouldn't be so sure of that2
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oh dear ......, so that's why I'm on Facebook!
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Oh THIS one tickled my funny bone ....
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hmmmm....0
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Arpie
AND Me .....1 -
TWELVE COMMANDMENTS FOR SENIORS#1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice.#2 - “In Style” are the clothes that still fit.#3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.#4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, “I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it.”#6 - “On time” is when you get there.#7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it sure does muffle the sound.#8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizessmaller?#9 - Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.#10 - Growing old should have taken longer.#11 - Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.#12 - You still haven't learned to act your age and hope you never will.. . . And one more:“One for the road” means peeing before you leave the house
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oooops
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And of course, the Great Wall of China was built to keep out the rabbits .....
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